Living arrangements after wedding? *UPDATE PG 4*

Decent amount of savings for ourselves.

Now I know my wedding isn’t for quite a while (sometime next September or October, we haven’t booked a venue yet but that’s our hope), but from what my fiancé said it sounds like his dad wants an answer now. I’m going over for dinner tomorrow and I know we’re going to talk with his parents together to get more details and more clarification on some things.

So basically my question is, do you think this would be a good choice?

I know living with parents would suck but at the same time we’re young and it would be a really helpful way to build a good savings for just a few months (when we were talking we said we would only stay at home 6 months tops). Financially we’ll be able to handle living on our own, we’ll have to budget majorly, but it should be doable of we both work full time. But it also sounds nice to have some extra support so we can make sure we have a decent emergency fund. We’re saving as much as we can now but that money will mostly be going towards our wedding. My fiancé is adding a little bit to our emergency fund each paycheck so it’s a nice start but if anything crazy happened it probably wouldn’t be enough.

I just wanted to hear some thoughts from people who are older and have more experience being on their own! I think there are pros and cons to the situation but we definitely think it’s worth considering.

I just think it's so far out to be making this decision. Why does he need an answer now? Your situations could be wildly different by fall of 2017.

Also, I'd go freaking crazy if I had to live with my parents again. It wouldn't be worth it to me, not even if it were free. I'm an adult and I need my own space.

I don't see anything wrong with living with his parents tii you two can get on your feet and get your own place. I think it was nice of them to offer.

Personally, I think it's a bad decision. I would never in a million years live with my parents or FHs parents... ESPECIALLY after we get married. We're adults- we have our own home and support ourselves 100%.

We both left our parents homes behind when we headed to college. I think marriage means that you're mature adults committing to each other and you absolutely should be able to support yourself independently. Do you really want your in laws around all the time and having no privacy? And, do you really think taking their money is a good idea?

I say nay all day.

My fiance and I just moved out from my parents after staying with them for two months while the house we were moving too got remodeled. It was really rough on all of us and put a lot of strain on all of them relationships involved. It may work out for you guys since it will be the first time you live together instead of just the two if you and then to your parents. I agreed that it seems really early to make that decision about housing though.

My friends mom did this! It was for her brother and actually really helped he and his wife save as they had no savings. However, his mom said they could stay as long as they weren't pregnant (they were only 21 when they married and everyone wanted them to wait for marriage to begin with) and she got pregnant 4 months later so... It ended quickly.

The downsides I see are: you'll just be Married and moving in together for the first time. That's a lot of stress on a relationship PLUS navigating in laws. I would really think hard about that even thought it is a "good deal". Aside from that it does save you money but there is an emotional cost.

Living with your In Laws for a while doesn't sound very exciting, but it sounds like your father in law has your best interest in mind. Getting married is expensive and living out in the real world is expensive. Money is something that a lot of couples fight about, but it seems like you guys would be able to move out and have at least 3 grand to invest in your new living situation (assuming you stayed 6 months).

I would definitely get more information, but it sounds like a good idea if you ask me.

Yeah I would love to be independent and that's my only reservation is that we wouldn't get that right away. I know it will be stressful but the nice thing is that his home isn't too crazy. He gets along pretty well with his parents and in comparison to living at my house it seems like paradise haha. I absolutely love his family but I know living with them won't be easy. That's the main downside we're considering is if we can take living with them. But at the same time we talked about how if we really can't handle it, we'll have the ability to move out on our own at any time.

I have done this and it was horrible. Granted we weren't married but we were engaged and while I wouldn't say this is the specific reason we broke up, it definitely contributed. So I would suggest not doing it.

On the other hand, it would be nice to save money. I'm just not sure it would be worth it.

My FMIL wanted me to rent out my house that I own and go move in with them, since my FH still lives at home with them because he is back in school. It would be different than what I have now, with taking care of my mom, since she lives with me here. I told her thanks, but no thanks. I could not imagine living with my FILs, and not because I don't like them or get along with them, but rather they just walk right into FH's room anytime they want even if I am there.

I would thank them, but if you two are financially able to I would not do it. It could put a strain on the relationship with them, if you don't do things their way. If you are not able to find somewhere I would say it would be ok as a temporary situation, but set a deadline of when you will move and stick to it.

I couldnt. I mean if FH and I got into a real pickle and that was our only option...ok, I guess.

Honestly, if you are getting married you need to live on your own. You need to be financially stable enough to afford rent together. I went to school full time, worked part time and could afford rent and utilities. You working part-time and FH working full time you should definitely be able to budget for a life on your own. If not, have you considered postponing the wedding until after your graduation?

My fiance and I are doing exactly that, but pre-marriage. We're giving my dad $300/mo for rent so that we can save enough to pay for our DW & get our own apartment in a year.

The fact that his dad is going to save money for you guys is also awesome and you'll appreciate that money when he gives it back. Definitely think about if you can get along with his parents and what your privacy will be like. Also, set a date with your FH for when you guys plan to move out on your own. It will probably be a little awkward, but it sounds like it would be a great boost financially for your start as a family. It's not an ideal situation, but what I'm focusing on is what will help my FH and I have a stable start and a wedding we won't be regretful about.

I agree with Bailey. I can't fathom how people get married but are not able to support themselves? It's just foreign to me.

I am 100% against living with in-laws except in extreme crisis situations and would not recommend this for you. Try to make it on your own. However, I do think FH's father has your best interest at heart. If you go through with this, I would urge you to work out all the details with them, basically have a lease with your in laws so all of the "rules" are understood. I don't know how strict they are, but they may enforce things under the guise of "my house, my rules". I would just be careful and definitely make this a temporary situation. Good luck!

I did this with my exhusband when our house was being built. No thanks, and we lived in a mother in law apartment. It still put a strain on us. It nice monetarily, but I woudlnt do it again

I'm not a fan of newly married couples living with parents. And I find it odd that two people who barely have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of are saving up money to have a wedding, but can't afford to live on your own after. Sorry OP.

I don't love the you pay me and I save it for you. You guys are adults- you should be able to save without babysitting imo.

I also think it is a hard way to navigate living together. I have friends who are about to move in with his parents to save for a house. But they have been married a year and living together for 5. So.... they have their cohabitation issues sorted out.

I think the discussion should be that is a possibility but you will all have to see. Fh might be able to save in the next year since he is living there and it may feel unnecessary by a year and a few months from now.

We can afford to live on our own after, we aren't getting married until after I graduate and we will have two incomes. It's more of a question of if we should take this opportunity to have a little bit more of a cushion for ourselves in case of emergency. But after talking to my fiance again it sounds like he's leaning towards saying no. I think we'll probably only end up doing it temporarily if absolutely necessary (for example if we aren't able to find an available apartment within our price range in time, which is pretty unlikely)

Yeah I would take a very polite pass. You guys need to adjust to cohabitation and married life alone not in parents shelter bubble. Good luck.

Well then good! It'll be a whole new and exciting adventure for you and your FH - you don't want to start it with your in laws lol.

Thanks! Yeah I think I want us to be on our own too. It would be nice to save money but I want us to be able to be on our own right away. I think the desire for that outweighs everything else. It sounds like a practical idea but maybe not the best emotionally for the start of a marriage.