Living arrangements after wedding? *UPDATE PG 4*

This is not a good idea. The idea that you're making monthly payments and your FFIL is putting it in savings for you can come back to haunt you in the future. This could create tension with your future in-laws as well as your FH. As an example, my grandfather helped my parents with the downpayment on their house. Now whenever my parents argue, my mother always brings up that point.

If you must move in with your in-laws, have a WRITTEN LEASE with them. All payments should be characterized as RENT, not deferred savings. I work in housing court, and I have seen too many family relationships implode when each parties' expectations and obligations weren't clearly laid out from the get-go.

It sounds like you got your answer! I think waiting until next summer is a great decision.

I had to move back home with my parents for a year right after school, so I'm not on the anti- parents house train . But what's different about your situation is you will be married and living with FH for the first time. Moving in with someone is big. You are navigating and learning each other's habits. I just think living with his parents during that time would make the transition harder. You don't really have your own space besides a bedroom. I wouldn't be so against it if it was a separate apartment with a kitchen and living space, but I think you would be making a mistake if you took him up on his offer.

What are his parents like? I would not ever be able to live with my inlaws because they would except things over the moon from me and honestly would hold everything over our heads. I would go nuts. If we moved in with my mom it would be a cake walk. FH even asked me at one point if we could finish her basement and move in there. Obviously he was kidding (we have 2 kids and 2 dogs so living there would never be an option of us). I really think it depends on the kind of people they are. We are in the process of buying a home and we came across one with an in law suite and he wanted my grandma to sell her house so she could live with us. She laughed thought it was sweet and declined of course. She knows we need our space and that our house is a freaking circus. We are all really really close and would all be neighbors if we could lol. But I've found not all families are like mine. Take some time and figure it out. You learn a lot about a person when u live with them, throwing inlaws in the mix may be hard. My mom did this with my dad for a little while to save but they already had lived together before and just wanted to save for a house. Honestly you have a lot to think about and figure out.

It would definitely be a no for me, if I was in that situation.

At the very least, I would tell FFIL that you need more time to think about it. I don't like that he seems like he's pressing for an answer right away. This isn't a flippant "what are we having for dinner decision".

I personally would just start socking any money you can away now, and then after you graduate, too, so that you have a decent savings when you two do get married. Your FH should do the same.

Spend less on the wedding in order to have more in that cushion. What the heck would you spend so much on a wedding when you don't have enough in savings to feel comfortable?

DONT DO IT! I'm in the same boat. FH and I will both be going to college when we get married. His parents offered for us to live with them after the wedding but we decided against it. The whole idea of being married but being under someone else's roof is a huge problem. The privacy isn't there; you can't do all the things you want since it isn't your house. Save up between now and your wedding. Make it a goal to be able to afford a place of your own.

Thanks everyone for your thoughts! We had a great conversation with his parents yesterday with all of our concerns like privacy and adjusting to marriage while also living with them and they told us there's no pressure to answer now so we'll be thinking about it over the next year as things change. They wanted to offer this to us because they got married young and they know how difficult it can be at first and they want us to feel supported. So I'm definitely grateful for their offer and I'll be taking all your thoughts into consideration as well as what my parents think and then what we talk about as a couple

Hey Lauren,

Edit your topic headline to "UPDATE PG 4". Most people do not read through all of the comments and will not see that you have made a decision and no longer need advice.

We currently stay with our in laws while we renovate our house..... i can tell you its a nightmare! im always angry now....

Oh thanks I'll edit it now!

Glad to hear things are going well! And they're right, no need to answer now good luck!

Too soon to make the choice, but it is extremely hard moving back in with parents after school. I can only imagine it would be harder when they are not your parents. Also get a definition of what chores mean your definition and his parents definition/expectations can we wildly different. If you move it its their house their rules too. Its better to find out before and not during.