Living arrangements after wedding? *UPDATE PG 4*

Someone else posted about this recently and they were in a similar situation as you...they were miserable. They said that their parents or in laws (can't remember which one) were nitpicky and still tried to give them rules even though they were paying rent. They tried to treat them like tenants by having them pay rent and for their own groceries and not allowing them to eat family meals with them, but still wanted to act like parents by giving them rules beyond asking them to clean up after themselves. I also can't imagine having to live with either of my parents after me and FH get married. Living together for the first time is a HUGE adjustment that can cause some strain until you get used to being around each other all the damn time. Add that in with potentially privacy-invading in laws and it's just asking for disaster IMO. And not to be rude, but if you can't support yourselves, then it's probably not the right time to get married...money (or the lack there of) is one of the biggest reasons behind divorce.

Edit: saw what you said about being able to afford it but you just want a cushion. Still don't do it. It's not worth it.

My FH and I live with his mom currently and will be here until December. It's not as bad as everyone is saying. We actually enjoy being with her. And if you have your own space (his room) to go to then I think you'll be fine. That is what we do. Living with parents isn't bad.

Me and FH live with his parents right now. We are trying to get through school before we are on our own. Conveniently after our wedding we will be done with school. His parents don't charge for us living here that way we can pay for school and also save for our wedding. We have to cut our hours back when we are in classes.

They drive us crazy, but honestly what they are doing for us is completely selfless. They are so caring and they don't ask for much.

We have the upstairs to ourselves and they don't ever come up so it's almost like we have an apartment where our downstairs neighbors are our friends and we eat together now and then.

We are so lucky to have their support. We do want to move out though, and we look forward to it.

But none of this would be possible without their help.

Don't do it

I think it's a nice offer. But moving in together for the first time is going to be an adjustment you don't want all the stress of pleasing you in-laws everyday as well. Because ultimately it is their house. I just think it puts a lot of pressure on you.

While I am generally an advocate of doing whatever you can to save money - this would be the exception. It is a very kind offer but unless absolutely necessary, probably not the best way to start off your married life together. You mentioned you are not moving in together because of your religious beliefs - not sure if that is the Christian faith or not but if so, check out Matthew 19:5. This is your new life together and I would personally recommend waiting until you can fully support yourselves outside of either of your family's homes.

My FH & I live with my in laws but only because I got pregnant at 17 & we thought it would be good for our son to have both parents around. We're both 21 now & plan to move out before our wedding next year. Living with your in laws is not the worst as everyone is making it out to be. But you really have to decide if it's for you.

It depends on what all of you are like. My dad and i bought a house togetherand have been roommates for 6 years. He is my best friend and we get along very well....we both just kinda do our own thing. Living with your ffil is a fantastic financial opportunity, so think through what it would be like practically. You dont want to be miserable because your living style clashes hard with his!

I know someone who did this. They actually lived there before and now after the wedding. I would never do it but if you are close to them and it's only for 6 months sometimes you have to make sacrifices.

All issues of supporting yourself aside, moving in and setting up house with your boyfriend/spouse (be it after the wedding, or years before) is an amazing experience. I wouldn't be able to wait!

I married at 19 (divored him, was my high school sweetheart) and we moved in with his mother to do the same thing. Save money. We only stayed for three months. She lived almost 3 hours from where we had lived, so we both found jobs and then got an apartment. It strained our new marriage. And it strained my relationship with his family. Even with the best intentions, it is so hard to have privacy. If there is any way to avoid it.. Do. But.. If you truly think its your only option.. Best of luck and save save save while your there -)

That is an extremely generous deal. I know your wedding is pretty far away but maybe your FFIL iS just one of those people who likes to know and plan way a head of time. For me, living with my husband would be priority after getting married. I don't like the idea of living separately after getting married until you graduate and find a job.

How is your relationship with the in laws? Is it comfortable being in their house?

Do they have a finished basement you could use instead?

He's going to save all the rent you give him and then give it back later? It almost sounds too good to be true. Lol.

My family just kind of assumed we were moving in with Granny.

But my family owns a ranch so normally kids don't leave after getting married. We move into an empty house lol. Since there is no empty house but a grandmother (that needs some supervision honestly) in the 3 bed house.... yeah

It comes down to family dynamic.

We did it, but only for a brief period of time while we were waiting for our purchase on our town home to close. We aren't even married yet but FH and I have lived together for the last three years we've been together.

I will say this, I cannot speak to you and your FH's relationship personally; but it hard. It takes 2 yrs (according to psychology) to fully, intimately know a person. Living together throws a monkey wrench in that. You learn so much more about a person when you live together. They may be a total slob, do laundry a different way, don't do dishes etc etc etc. Trying to navigate living together and navigating cohabitation with your FILs does not sound conducive to a positive experience. As I said trying to live together is hard enough first starting out. But also trying to do it with your in-laws... I couldn't even imagine.

I can't fathom living with parents. I moved out when I was 18 because I didn't want to have "rules" - I would find out ALL of their expectations. Is there a curfew? What are these "chores"? How will you have sex? I mean... it's great to save but I dunno you're married adults...it seems a bit strange to me to not be able to start your lives together in your own space.

If the two options are to love separately or to live together at the in-laws I would choose to live together. Sure it may be tough but so would living apart

I would say go for it. I've been living on my own for years and my fiancé moved into my house 2 years ago. We are in the process of putting it on the market and once it sells. We will be temporarily living with our parents. But I will be staying with his parents at least 3x a week. A lot of it has to do with both our new job locations but I will sacrifice our "space" for 6 months so we can save all of our Paychecks. It's definitely an adjustment but in the end it could be really good. If he needs an answer right now and it's yes, just let him know you don't want to move in just yet. I think that's a very long time you'd be living with them.

I think the idea of paying rent only for it to go to a savings account for you is very childish. It's assuming you wouldn't be responsible enough to save it on your own. Your FH should be saving as much as possible while he lives at home now, and you should save as much as you can now even though you're only working part time. What will your living arrangements be after you graduate, before the wedding- live at home? Stay where you are now? Once you graduate and get a full-time job, you will have a few months to save before your wedding. Since this is more than a year away, that is PLENTY of time to save up for an apartment first and last month's deposit. IMO if you are old enough to get married, you need to live on your own. Living with your in-laws before you have established yourselves as a separate family unit will cause a lot of stress, no privacy, and I think it will hold you back from both becoming independent adults.

It totally depends on your relationship with them and stipulations they want to put on things.

My FH, myself, and my parents all live together. Most days, it's wonderful and I wouldn't have it any other way. Some days, I ask myself why we did this. My parents needed to move, and we had all discussed living together in the future. About a year and a half ago, the time was right. FH and I didn't even live together at the time, and I had my own apartment with a roommate. One of the reasons this arrangement works for us is, I do not drive. I'm legally blind and can't. So my parents are able to take me on errands/work when FH isn't around and I don't have to rely on public transportation which is still building in my area.

We split the bills. FH and I pay more of the rent and utilities because we make a lot more money than my retired parents. When I do the weekly grocery shopping, we split the cost in half. FH and I have been able to save a ton of money, and my parents are so much happier and in a better financial place.

I do believe the setup of our apartment works well. My parents have their bedroom/bathroom then you have the common space then our bedroom/bathroom. It's one of the reasons we moved to this apartment. I should also add, about five and a half years ago, my sister died in a car accident. That brought me and my parents even closer than we were because all we had was each other. Or so it felt. My mom has said she would do anything to see me every single day, and honestly, my mom is one of my best friends. I also like that I can keep an eye on them. Both of my parents really struggled after losing my sister.

So overall, our living arrangement is more like roommates than parent/child. It's worth continuing the discussion, but you and FH have to make the best decision for you both. Sometimes, money isn't everything.

Have you and your FH sat down and hashed out all your finances? You could make a spreadsheet of income, expenses, debts etc. That way you both can be on the same page.

I would be wary of living with parents/in-laws, often it comes with strings.