Late gifting - rude or socially acceptable?

I agree with proper etiquette that you have up to a year to give a gift. Sending one to the shower or the wedding itself is preferable but circumstances beyond the guest's control might not allow that. Nor is there any reason for them to detail that to anyone.

I understand the up to a year rule but, I think it's outdated. When mail took forever and sometimes people lived far away from certain stores. With easy delivery and online shopping, I see no reason for anything outside of maybe a six-week window.

I'm curious why she used the word "extra" shower/wedding present when she did not give one in the first place. It's the thought that counts but, it does seem like an afterthought. However, there is a pandemic so maybe the friend was having money issues. I'm not sure how to go about it all.

I agree with the one year rule. And think about how several have struggled with steady income since COVID.

I agree with the one year rule. Also, if you think about all the money it costs to attend an out-of-town wedding, some people are unable to give a gift on top of the cost to travel, taking time off work, buying attire for the event. Having a year gives them a little financial breathing room. Also, I’d rather get a late gift than no gift at all.

I don't think that it is ever rude to give a gift. If this friend truly didn't care then she wouldn't bother at all; it is not an after thought. In fact, she may have been searching for awhile and hadn't found the perfect gift. If your friend doesn't want the gift, then that is a whole other can of worms.

I don’t think it’s rude - the 1 year rule is just a guild line. If she has a gift, let her give it.

If she actually said the wedding is done and gone and not to bother, then yes, she was in the wrong. Gifts should be accepted graciously, even if they have been delayed. The one year thing is correct etiquette, because some people who *aren't* invited will wish to send a gift after the fact, so it gives them the option of sending something.

I agree with the one year rule. Next year I gave 5 close friends getting married in the early summer. May stagger their gifts so I don't ruin my budget for those couple of months.

When things like this come up, I think of myself because I’m really able to put myself in that situation. I am still not working because of covid so our funds are very tight and we haven’t been able to gift family and friends as much as we’d like this year. So if one of my friends got married and wanted me at the wedding, I may not actually be able to spend the money on a gift right now depending on the other costs. I would hope a friend of mine would understand that and if they really wanted me to be a part of their day, the gift wouldn’t matter. It’s actually ruder to me for someone to say don’t bother because the wedding is over. This person could’ve been saving up to get them something and being a jerk and saying don’t bother is far worse than the person giving a gift late.

It's always hard to judge the way a message comes across without truly understanding the parties and their dynamic and the tone of the conversation, but based on what you've written, I think there is good chance what your friend said could have been interpreted by the hearer as rude.... As others have pointed out, there could be lots of GOOD reasons why the guest didn't give gifts in a more timely manner (financial constraints, the pandemic, wanting to find something meaningful, etc.). And as you said, a gift is never compulsory. For the bride to respond with "the wedding had been and gone and not to bother," might be interpreted as "you're late, so don't bother now" (interpreted as kind of accusatory and calling the guest out for missing the boat) or possibly as "Oh, don't even worry about a gift, having you there was all I wanted" (a more gracious response). Only the two people in the conversation can tell you what was intended and what was interpreted, but, yes, I think this was a poor choice on the bride's part. Why would anyone want to risk offending a friend who seems to be wanting to do something for them? Regardless of a "one year rule" or not, that's just unwise.

If anyone is rude here, it’s the bride. Someone wants to give her a gift, but she doesn’t want it because it’s “too late?” Tacky.

I agree that gifting at the shower or wedding would have been the best thing to do. However, if the friend wanted to give her a gift now, I think she should have accepted it graciously. We got married last October and someone gave us our wedding gift several months later. You don't always know peoples financial state.

I honestly think it’s nice to get a gift even if it’s super late aha

View Quoted Comment Haha! Right?! A late gift is way better than NOT getting one.

You and the bride are wrong to think this way about gifts. Regardless of whether or not you get along with this person, and regardless of how long after the wedding it is, gifts are never required in the first place and should always be accepted graciously. And with gratitude. Especially during a pandemic.

Traditionally, wedding gifts are delivered in the 3 months before to 3 months after the wedding. Since recent changes in ordering by computer or phone, and scheduled delivery, more people give gifts closer to the wedding. And far more people live together before marriage, and do not move after, so fewer people prefer gifts that come to a new joint home, after the wedding. But no one has rewritten " the rules" , in part because not everyone has the money in their budget to give the gift they want at their perfect time. Car repairs and doctors fees and unemployment mess with good intentions. Meanwhile, any gift on the occasion of marriage, whenever it is given, should be graciously received, and the giver properly thanked. Any bride who would say "the wedding had been and gone and not to bother" is being rude. Gifts are not a requirement. And that says, I was entitled to get one, and you are late. The bride needs to spend gift money to buy classes in etiquette/ social manners. She needs better skills.

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She and I are from the same culture in which it is rude not to give a gift, and you give it on time. It’s only when I actually joined WW that I learnt of the 1 year rule and I personally think its in poor taste (i.e. I wouldn’t go to someone’s BBQ and 2 weeks later give them a box of chocolates I should’ve brought to the BBQ, why would I not give a gift at a wedding on time), but that’s just me.

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I appreciate that the consensus on this forum is the complete opposite to what (she and) I both accept as the ‘norm’ but alas I don’t think telling others, not that I would relay this on, to spend money on etiquette classes is going to fly

View Quoted Comment People on these boards are forever recommending counseling that most people are not going to get, either. But having good manners is a social skill. And anyone who does not have them, is talked about, and their reputation suffers. There are worse things to recommend, or do. A friend's younger sister was of the, " it's what I want, and people won't mind" attitude when she would ask for advice, then not like the answer, and so disregard it. She is the only person I ever met who was given 7 general Etiquette books for Shower or Wedding gifts. 🙂

I dont see the big deal. A gift is a gift. Just accept it and say thank you and move on with your life. You can say stuff like oh thats no necessary if you truly mean it, but if