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October 2018

Just fired my Maid of Honor.

bootysjojo, on January 30, 2018 at 8:58 AM

Posted in Planning 185

I don't know what I was thinking by asking her to be my MOH. I think I had a lot of wine one night and I got a crazy idea that she would be good at the role. Boy, was I wrong. She wasn't into it and wasn't helping me with anything. I'd try to get her opinion on something I need to make a decision on and her constant single response is "it's your wedding, hunny do it your way". WTF that's not helpful at all!! I think she just wasn't into it. My officiant is helping me more than any of my wedding party. So I made the decision and cut her in my final guest list shave. Completely. My sister moved to the role. Should have been her in the first place but my sister lives in another state so she can't help much. That's okay. I was doing it on my own or with the officiant's help anyway. Que sera sera! Have you had to let your MOH go? Was there drama? I avoided the drama seemingly, so far.

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185 Comments

October 2018
bootysjojo · on January 30, 2018 at 9:37 AM
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LOL no, I have a sister. Not a huge deal and there was no drama over it between us.
October 2018
bootysjojo · on January 30, 2018 at 9:39 AM
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He is involved as much as any FH would be.
VIP January 2019
Daria · on January 30, 2018 at 9:39 AM
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I'm sure she's quite relieved, actually. It sounds like you have done her a favor. I hope she has other friends to rely on for support.
Super January 2019
Sunshine · on January 30, 2018 at 9:40 AM
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What happens if she gets the flu the day before the wedding? Do you have a backup? If there is no contract than she is not legally required to provide a replacement if something comes up and she can't be there.

How is burglary complicated? He broke the law and wen't to prison, seems simple enough.
October 2018
bootysjojo · on January 30, 2018 at 9:41 AM
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Well there's a lot of assumptions that occured bc I didn't explain the entire story but didn't think I needed to. Damn, I was certainly wrong haha!
Dedicated January 2025
Mrs.ChanandlerBong · on January 30, 2018 at 9:42 AM
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so then explain...
Super May 2018
Rachel · on January 30, 2018 at 9:43 AM
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Wait, can we back up? Why aren’t you paying your officiant? That was an assumption because that is literally what you are supposed to do.
Dedicated October 2019
H · on January 30, 2018 at 9:43 AM
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This story is insane and I don’t understand the point of it. OP, you seem to be fine with your decisions so far and you’ve laughed off everyone’s post so far for being “brutal” and “assuming” (BTW these people are assuming pretty reasonable things with regards to your wedding planning). Seems like you’re having fun with replying to all of these comments more than looking for true advice.
Super January 2019
Sunshine · on January 30, 2018 at 9:44 AM
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How am I being passive aggressive? I'm trying to help. Have you read the stories on here about friendors? Not having a contract can be very heartbreaking the day of if something goes wrong. I'm just trying to help her see the situation from a different point of view so she might consider having a backup in place in case something goes wrong.

I'm having a hard time sympathizing with someone who blasts their friend on a forum and asks for support though, honestly.
Super September 2019
An · on January 30, 2018 at 9:44 AM
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This comment is really rude, btw. Does it feel good to be mean to someone you think is being mean? How old are we?
Champion November 2016
LB · on January 30, 2018 at 9:46 AM
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Seems like your "friend" dodged a bullet.
Super January 2019
Sunshine · on January 30, 2018 at 9:47 AM
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Thank you.
Super September 2019
An · on January 30, 2018 at 9:48 AM
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OP, sorry you were misunderstood. I agree the situation is a little more complicated than a normal WW "firing my BM" post, but you left out some super relevant details. I would maybe search a little before posting something like this, because there have been strong reactions in the past to "firing" a BM or MOH.
Master March 2017
BlueHenBride · on January 30, 2018 at 9:49 AM
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Curious...if you haven't lost this friendship after firing her as MOH and removing her from your wedding guest list altogether, have you two actually hung out like normal since the firing?
Expert August 2019
Marissa · on January 30, 2018 at 9:50 AM
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Then explain the whole story next time??!!
Master July 2018
Mcskipper · on January 30, 2018 at 9:51 AM
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You didn’t avoid drama, you caused drama.
And she was right. It’s YOUR wedding, the decisions to be made are for you and your future spouse to make.
Expert October 2015
Rachel Langerhans · on January 30, 2018 at 9:51 AM
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Well, the assumptions people are making are common practice/etiquette in wedding planning... People assume you don't require anything of your bridal party because they aren't required to do anything as far as planning goes. People assume your significant other should be helping you plan, because, well, that's what partners are for when it comes to wedding planning. People assumed you're paying your officiant, because it's common place to hire professionals and pay them for services for your wedding ("friendors" are not recommended).

Based on all these "assumptions", yes, you're going to find that people disagree with how you're approaching your wedding planning.
October 2018
bootysjojo · on January 30, 2018 at 9:53 AM
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We have a backup for the officiant, yes. Future BIL is also ministered. I agree w the burglary statement entirely. The other issue with was that she is bugging my friends and family to write character letters for her husband to make parole in 6 mos. Literally annoying about it. We've told her we aren't comfortable w it but she keeps on. Like I said, way more to the story. She is a good friend but after all this happened she just wasn't into being a MOH and I felt registration from that. I'll know next time to vent to a private journal.
October 2018
bootysjojo · on January 30, 2018 at 9:53 AM
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*felt frustration.

Master August 2018
Nemo · on January 30, 2018 at 9:59 AM
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Instead of being there for your friend during this really difficult time, you fire her and uninvite her to your wedding? Where is your empathy? Your friend needed you to be there for her WAY more than you needed her to help you plan your wedding. That isn't her "job" anyway.