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October 2018

Just fired my Maid of Honor.

bootysjojo, on January 30, 2018 at 8:58 AM

Posted in Planning 185

I don't know what I was thinking by asking her to be my MOH. I think I had a lot of wine one night and I got a crazy idea that she would be good at the role. Boy, was I wrong. She wasn't into it and wasn't helping me with anything. I'd try to get her opinion on something I need to make a decision on and her constant single response is "it's your wedding, hunny do it your way". WTF that's not helpful at all!! I think she just wasn't into it. My officiant is helping me more than any of my wedding party. So I made the decision and cut her in my final guest list shave. Completely. My sister moved to the role. Should have been her in the first place but my sister lives in another state so she can't help much. That's okay. I was doing it on my own or with the officiant's help anyway. Que sera sera! Have you had to let your MOH go? Was there drama? I avoided the drama seemingly, so far.

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185 Comments

Super January 2019
Sunshine · on January 30, 2018 at 9:20 AM
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If she's not a close enough friend to be in your wedding or even attend your wedding, how would you know how shes feeling or if she was blindsided?
Super January 2019
Sunshine · on January 30, 2018 at 9:21 AM
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Also, you complaining that your officiant is helping more than the wedding party is rubbing me the wrong way. Of course your officiant is more helpful, you're paying them to do a job. It's literally their job to be helpful. You're not paying your wedding party, it's not their job to plan your wedding.
Dedicated July 2018
Desiree · on January 30, 2018 at 9:23 AM
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I don’t think it’s expected for your anyone in your bridal party to help you. You and your future husband do that. She’s right, it’s YOU TWOS wedding.

I know it might be frustrating but ask professionals about things you need options on, not your MOH.
Master July 2018
RZ_ToBe · on January 30, 2018 at 9:24 AM
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Yikes. That really wasn't a reason to let your MOH go. She seemed like she was trying to support you. The "it's your wedding" answers are usually to get an idea of what YOU prefer most and she helps you figure it out by having you explain why you like each item, colors, whatever.
I think you should apologize and at least put her as a BM. No one is obligated to help you as it is YOUR and your FH's wedding. I'm usually not one to say this about people, but that was a straight up bridezilla move. Don't destroy friendships over what is basically a big party.
Expert June 2018
6-1-18 · on January 30, 2018 at 9:25 AM
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I just don't see how someone could go from being your MOH to not being invited without something major happening.
October 2018
bootysjojo · on January 30, 2018 at 9:26 AM
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Because we actually talked, like two adults do when they get together. Her husband is in prison right now and happened after I asked her to be MOH. Like I said, way more to the story that I wasn't willing to share at first but these reactions, lordy! Now I need to explain more. It really wasn't a dramatic thing and she understood my frustrations. She was cut from the guest list entirely for other behaviors that have come up that I can't have there that day. This wasn't an easy decision and wasn't on the fly and came with a lot of communication between me and her.
October 2018
bootysjojo · on January 30, 2018 at 9:27 AM
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Exactly. Way more to the story. I don't think I worded my original post very well. Obviously. Lol
Expert July 2017
SaraBear · on January 30, 2018 at 9:27 AM
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Phew, good for your friend for getting out of this toxic friendship!

If you cut her off your guest list completely, come back and let us know if she’s still friends with you in a few months.

You pay your officiant; you don’t pay your bridesmaids/MOH. They should be helping you more.

It is *your* wedding so you should do it *your* way. Plan your wedding with your future husband, not your friend. No one cares about your wedding as much as you do. She told you do it your way, literally she was just being supportive of the decisions you were making for the wedding you are spending money on.
Expert August 2019
Marissa · on January 30, 2018 at 9:28 AM
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If it’s your wedding she probably didn’t want to offend you when you asked her for an opinion. It is your wedding and you should do it your way. Her only job is to get a dress and stand with you on the day of the wedding!
October 2018
bootysjojo · on January 30, 2018 at 9:29 AM
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He can't help with everything, and he can't be involved in the dress.
October 2018
bootysjojo · on January 30, 2018 at 9:29 AM
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Again, way more to the story.
Expert July 2017
SaraBear · on January 30, 2018 at 9:30 AM
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“I fired my MOH because she tried to sleep with my husband because her husband is in prison” vs “I fired my MOH because she wasn’t interested in my wedding and told me to do whatever I wanted” is so different. Include the whole story or don’t get upset when people tell you that you are in the wrong.
October 2018
bootysjojo · on January 30, 2018 at 9:30 AM
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Again, way more to the story I probably should have explained. Geez!
Expert July 2017
SaraBear · on January 30, 2018 at 9:31 AM
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He CAN help with everything. Jesus. There is no excuse for any groom ever to not be involved in his wedding planning.

Is your officiant helping you pick your dress?

My MOH didn’t come dress shopping with me at all, I survived.
October 2018
bootysjojo · on January 30, 2018 at 9:32 AM
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Also, my officiant is not being paid. Wow, you gals assume a lot!! LOL This wasn't a toxic friendship, just a hiccup in the planning. Y'all are brutally assumptious.
Super January 2019
Sunshine · on January 30, 2018 at 9:32 AM
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Why is the husband in prison?
October 2018
bootysjojo · on January 30, 2018 at 9:33 AM
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My officiant is not being paid. What gave you that impression??
Super January 2019
Sunshine · on January 30, 2018 at 9:34 AM
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My bad for assuming someone who should be paid to do a job isn't getting paid. Is it a friendor? Do you have a contract and backup plan in case something goes wrong?
October 2018
bootysjojo · on January 30, 2018 at 9:35 AM
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Burglary, but it's complicated. Real complicated.

VIP May 2018
MrsRies&Love · on January 30, 2018 at 9:36 AM
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Jojo, you know your situation best and you were looking here for support. I will be the first to say that about a year ago when I joined, I was looking for support in difficult situations and couldn't find it here. Sometimes people are quick to assume, judge, and force their values on you.
Was it cool to fire your MOH? Probably not. But it sounds like there's a lot to the story. If my partner had just gone to jail and I was struggling, there's no way in hell I would be able to be a MOH, so kudos to you for having a conversation with her and taking her needs into consideration, too.
PS - don't always listen to some of the people on here. Online forums become very cliquey, real quick. I remember asking posters to be nicer in one of my posts, and said that this was supposed to be a safe place for posters. I was told this isn't a safe place, this isn't therapy, posters are allowed to use vulgar language and be rude. This is the mindset. It's getting better than it was, but beware of the judgment you'll receive.