Liz
Super May 2014

Just curious...

Liz, on October 3, 2013 at 10:19 AM Posted in Community Conversations 0 31
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I've seen many posts about exes and prior relationships. How many relationships did you have before meeting "the one"? Would you consider them good or bad experiences? I myself have never had an ex, so I'm curious if you would do it all over again or wish that you had met "the one" first.

31 Comments

  • Bianca
    Super October 2014
    Bianca ·

    Don't have an ex either. Bump!

  • AndreaLily
    Master October 2013
    AndreaLily ·

    I only have one ex, we dated for 4.5 years and broke up when I was 20. The actual dating experience was great however our relationship ended in flames (he cheated on me for months). It was a GREAT learning experience. I swore I was going to marry him and I learned the hard way when to say when. There were a lot of signs throughout our years together but I was too in love to recognize them. Walking away from that made me stronger, smarter and I think a much better person. I am glad I did not meet FH back back then, I had a lot of maturing and growing up to do. I wouldn't be the person I am today had it not been for that experience.

  • Shannon A
    Master May 2014
    Shannon A ·

    I was never married or engaged before. I had one other long relationship. Do I regret the relationships? Absolutely not, because I did learn more about myself and what I needed in a partner. Do I regret some of the thin that happened in those relationships? Yes. But I think if I met FH first, I would probably be a worse fiancé, because I learned to communicate and things like that already

  • Deborah
    Super August 2013
    Deborah ·

    This is my third marriage. There isn't one "the one" in my opinion. I had a young, horrible marriage that I got out of quickly. I met the love of my life and became engaged at the age of 24...he died 4 months later.

    I married another man, we had a son. I loved him and we were together for 10 years. We divorced and became very close friends. I was with him, held his hand and kissed him goodbye 8 hours before he died.

    Now I'm married to another "the one." I hope she's the last one. I love her with all my heart.

  • Out the Window
    Master May 2014
    Out the Window ·

    This was a topic of discussion between me and FH. I'm his first serious relationship and he's my... well, we don't need to rip out rulers... I'm glad for the past relationships no matter how badly some ended. Actually, I'm still good friends with 3 of them. I think of them as lessons learned and made me who I am.

    His view is "what difference does it make? I'm happy now." Meh. He's so laid back it drives me batty.

  • jkhtinker12
    Devoted October 2014
    jkhtinker12 ·

    I have One Ex And I Was With Him For 2 Years. It Was A Very Bad relationship And Although it Made Me A Stronger Person I Would not Go Through What I Went Through Again. I Wish I Had Met My FH "The One" Before And Didn't Have the Experience I Did Because It Still Effects My relationship Because Of The Things I Went Through.

  • We'llAlwaysHaveParis
    Master November 2013
    We'llAlwaysHaveParis ·

    Talking about my ex is a double edged sword.

    On one hand without that experience I wouldn't be where I am right now. On the other, he truly is a douche.

    I wish I had met FH years ago, but I also know I had to go through that experience with my ex to truly appreciate FH. He'd be very easy to take for granted without having gone through what I did. "Wishing" is pointless.

    I can deal with my ex, but I had what my stupid decision (to marry him) means for my kids. They don't deserve to go through all that they've experienced already (at 6 and 4).

    It's like anything - you just learn to deal and cope.

    EDITED - as far as ex-bf's go. . .let's just say I was never in tune with the kind of person that was good for me until I married someone who was an awful choice for me. I suddenly had a lot of clarity about what I truly needed and wanted in someone.

  • Laura
    Master November 2013
    Laura ·

    I had 3 "serious" relationships prior to dating FH. They all lasted over a year, and were mostly good experiences. I wouldn't say they all ended well, but if I ran into any of those guys today, I would have no problem saying hello and catching up with them. FH and I have been together for 6 1/2 years though, and none of those other relationships even compare to what we have. I think having those previous relationships really made me realize how special FH is. It wasn't long after we started dating that I knew I was going to marry him. I never had that feeling before.

  • MissMadeline
    Master June 2014
    MissMadeline ·

    Both FH and I dated (casually) a lot of other people prior to our relationship, but we each had only a couple really serious relationships before we met. I have an ex from college. We dated 2 years and had a pretty volatile relationship that ended explosively. I was with my other ex for almost 4 years (we'd known each other for 2 years before we dated). The first year or so was pretty good, but we burned out soon after that. We lived together and both if us were kind of lazy about breaking up. When we did end the relationship, we weren't living together anymore and we remained close friends. I always thought of him as my dumb brother, as opposed to my bf.

    Even though they weren't great relationships, I would definitely repeat the experience because it taught me about unhealthy relationships and what I really wanted in a partner. I appreciate FH so much more because of my past experiences.

  • Julisa
    Super July 2014
    Julisa ·

    I was married once before.Got married when i was 18, had 2 boys. Our marriage lasted 10 yrs then he fell out of love and asked for divorce, said i wasnt attractive anymore. It really suprised me and definitely hurt me but i never allowed it to take over my life. I have no regrets. I wouldnt have my 2 wonderful boys if it werent for that relationship. I dont hold gurdges so we get a long very well. Im happy, hes happy... our boys are and always have been our priority so were good.

  • Liz
    Super May 2014
    Liz ·

    It's so interesting to read about everyone's different experiences. I had issues early in my relationship with FH because I had never dated anyone before him, but he had been with one person before me. I couldn't grasp the fact that you could love more than one person because I was 18 and had no other experiences. It also bothered me that his ex looked almost identical to me... Anyways, I would not change my experience or his experiences for the world. I love our relationship and it has worked because of the people we grew up to be... through bad and good experiences.

  • Belais
    VIP October 2013
    Belais ·

    I had a few boyfriends that lasted a couple weeks at most back in high school/early college. I was then with someone for...at least 6 months until he literally stopped calling/answering (it was long distance). Then I was with my ex-husband for almost 5 years (just under 2 years of marriage).

    With my ex-H, I knew deep down that he was not right for me, but I ignored the feeling. Definitely a mistake. It could have been much worse (he didn't cheat or physically/emotionally abuse me), but we were simply not right for each other.

    However, as some have noted, I may not have appreciated FI as much without my past experiences (as sucky & expensive as they might have been).

    If I could have realized what I did after the non-good relationships without being in them and just met FI, that'd be great, but those experiences helped shape who I am and helped me recognize how right for each other FI & I are.

  • MrsGC
    Super October 2013
    MrsGC ·

    I had two serious relationships. One for 6 years, we broke up when I was 21 and I was devastated. Another when I was 24/25 and we were together for a couple years. He was a stupid mistake. I was way too good for him. lol but I probably wouldn't have met FH had I not been with him. I dnot regret the relationships, like Paris said it makes me appreciate FH waaaay more! On this same token, I'm FH's first serious gf. Of course I wonder if he wishes he had those experiance to be sure that I'm who he wants to be with, but ultimately I know he knows. It's just my own insecurities getting in the way!

  • Jennifer
    VIP November 2013
    Jennifer ·

    I only have one ex. It wasn't super serious, but it was my first heart break. I actually met my FH through my ex though. Funny how things work out.

  • *Mrs_D*
    Master October 2014
    *Mrs_D* ·

    I had 2 serious relationships before- one was for about 7 years (all of HS, college, and the first year of law school). He proposed and I said no, and obviously, that was the beginning of the end.

    My second was just a year.

    Both of them I would not take back for anything. I got hurt in both of them but learned a lot and they both taught me so much about love and relationships. I definitely would not have gotten to where I am and would not have found my love without having dealt with those two losers along the way

  • HISballerina
    VIP October 2014
    HISballerina ·

    I had a long and very disfunctional relationship in high school. It was great at times but horrible at others. We were both verbally and emotionally abusive but we were desperate for each other. We became friends after some time through a horrible break up and even though we have spoken in a while I would consider him a great friend. I've had a few others after high school and they were all great but of course none worked out. I've been with FH for years and broke up with him a few years ago bc our relationship was very immature and selfish, on both sides, less than a year a part and dating other people helped us both realize that we needed each other. We're still growing and working out kinks but in that time we grew and matured and now understand that each other has to be first and you have to have each others happiness and best interest at the forefront of you mind at all times. He's grown into my best friend and I his. We've both had other good relationships and some bad...

  • HISballerina
    VIP October 2014
    HISballerina ·

    But all in all they have led us to where and who we are today. I wouldn't change a thing!

  • Leanna
    VIP March 2014
    Leanna ·

    I've dated alot of people. But I've only had 3 serious relationships prior to this relationship.

    1 told me flat out after almost 8 months and us basically living together that he didnt' love me and could never love me. Yea called that off right then and there lol

    the next was a 2 1/2 year whirlwind of bs and abuse. he was such a horrible person. He had me brainwashed into thinking I would never do better than him.

    The next was a great guy who I dated after me and doucher broke up. He treated me awesome but the distance and lack of free time we had to spend together really drove us apart. Finally after 6 or 7 months of trying to make it work we both agreed to call it quits. We stayed friends for awhile afterwards but its been 3 years since we talked.

    Now there is my fh. We've been together for 2 1/2 years, known him for 4 years. He is everything I could want in a man. Yes he's an clueless man sometimes and we have our problems but it's making us stronger everyday.

  • Liz
    Super May 2014
    Liz ·

    Sounds like a pretty uniform consensus! Not like I chose for my own experiences to happen the way they did, but I'm happy to remain in bliss ignorance. Haha

  • Mallory Abroad
    Master October 2014
    Mallory Abroad ·

    I don't really have exes.

    I have a first husband who was my childhood sweetheart and then I didn't really have anything serious until I got together with FH.

    I went on dates and maybe it got slightly more but never enough for it to be an ex really. Think the longest was maybe 4 months of seeing the same person.

    Would I skip husband#1 to get to FH? not on your Nelly. But then I don't believe in the 'one' otherwise I would have to pick. It is all just part of life, you can't skip to the good bits.

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