Just Beer and Wine or Cash Bar? Tacky?

I am doing a cash bar at my reception. At $6 a drink per person an $28 a bottle for wine and 150 guests we just can't afford it. We did include in our invitations on the guest information that it will be a cash bar so that our guests will be prepared before hand.

We are providing the bar, total DIY wedding in the country, wine country that is, but wine will not be our highlight its the Crown i bought in cali this past weekend !

I spent $500 for the liquor in Cali, still need to order the 3 kegs of beer and 1 will be a micro, then the wine, I will have a friend who is a wine drinker help me choose, otherwise they would be getting my Arbor Mist !

I say each to his own, but if i went to a wine/beer wedding i know i would be the driver, i dont drink either !

Well said Glenn, Barbara, Edwina etc!! Don't you just love how this topic brings out the very best in us?

In all honesty, I am a beer drinker, so I would be fine at a beer/wine only event. However, imho, if you know even a small handful of your guests drink whiskey, rum or Jaeger, you go out of your way to make sure you have whiskey, rum or jaegar on your bar. In my circle, you only serve the best whiskey(Crown Royal) best Rum(Captain is the favored son because I would serve Havanna Club if I could get it.)or Jaeger(Noone drinks this in the old fart circle. I do believe it will kill us).

As Glenn said, when I attend a wedding, I am bringing an envelope with at least $200+ inside a card. I have learned to seal the envelope at the last minute. If it is beer and wine only, I am taking some out of the card. If it is dry, I am taking a large portion to pay for my bar tab!

I see I am tardy to the party here, but after just having an open bar at my reception I am going to say that I would not change it. I am so glad I did it. Everyone was appreciative, they drank, had a great time and that is what I wanted. So if you can at least give your guests beer and wine, I think they will be happy.

We are having a dry wedding for multiple reasons. We were concerned about not offering it at the wedding, but when we went over the guest list, majority of the guest are family. My family doesn't drink and his family are not drinkers or big on drinking. We have explained to our guest there is no alcohol and no one really cares. There were just a couple upset because there isn't a cash bar option if you don't choose the package (which was our original thought). Our theory was majority don't drink so we will give what the majority wants (not to mention the possible issues it would cause if my parents knew I drink).

Growing up in Southern Oklahoma, you very seldom saw any type of alcohol offered at a wedding. Now living in Wisconsin, alcohol is expected at every wedding.

I love the people who rant about "I'm giving you cash/gift, there'd better be alcohol." If you're expecting payment for your gift (even if that payment is in terms of food or booze) then it isn't a gift. A gift is given without expectation of anything in return.

I just love it when those 3 star gals with "Restricted Pages" come out of the wine cellar to participate in a debate and defend someone.

Rochelle...With 3 stars, the least you could do is take the time to type my name. First and foremost, I called someone classless because that person consistently refers to her SIL and his family as "trailer trash". Gasp, they drink whiskey!! Following your logic(the grandpa example), as in-laws, she should have provided them whiskey. It would have shown she truly did have class. Also, noone should be judged on WHERE THEY LIVE. I don't care for the label and the snobbery. And yes, I will happily seal my envelope at the last minute when I get to a dry wedding. However, in my circle, they are unheard of and are considered bad manners. I have also consistenly said if you don't drink don't have alcohol. If your budget can't afford it, at least do beer and wine, so with your three stars, you should be familar with the posting history.

Candice...lolol How dare you be tardy for the party! lolol

Mark...Indeed it is! However, IN MY CULTURE, by the time we have attended the actual wedding, we have also attended an engagement party, a bridal shower, and the FH has most likely attended a bachelor event. So, a heck of a lot of love has been shown in the form of gifts for the couple. We don't usually attend the weddings of people that we are not close to. If we are not close to a person and are invited, we just send a gift, period. FOR US, the purpose of the gift, at a minimum, is to cover the cost of our attendance at the affair. WHy? Parents have hosted the event. The newlyweds get the cash gifts to help with whatever.... house deposit, honeymoon, etc. It is how, again, I am saying it, OUR CULTURE does things. I am not judging anyone elses.

This topic always makes me laugh...What is a "Dry Wedding?" I have been to several weddings were there has been a cash bar and it was not bad. I think it is all in how much you can afford. Have we forgotten the reason of a wedding?It is to celebrate two people deciding to spend the rest of their lives together. And as long as the couple is happy, should'nt the guest be happy for them and their love for each other? And frankly some people do not need alcohol to have a good time. If you have to get drunk to have a good time and enjoy yourself, than that says alot about who you are. (Just my opinion) We are having a cash bar, but now we have decided to serve our signature drink right after the ceremony and then at dinner the cash bar will open. And most places that are elegant in the state of MD do not allow you to bring in your own alcohol or food. We choose a very classy venue that charges an additional $19/person to drink. Just ridiculous to pay when not everyone drinks!

As you can see Rochelle, I have responded to Mark as well. My point to you is, if you are going to defend someone have the courtesy of calling me out by name like you did with your second post. I posted what I did and I own it. I stand behind my typed words.

I am in a wedding on July 9 in Annapolis. I have paid $160 for a bridesmaid dress. I am paying an additional $300 for hotel rooms because we are invited to the rehearsal dinner that Friday night. Her bachelorette party in a few weeks includes dinner in the city, a wine tour, and a concert that night ($$&dollar. The bride has asked us to help "set up" the venue between 10-12 that morning before we get ready. On top of all that, we are expected to give a gift. While I love this girl to death (FSIL), I can't help but feel a bit put out that according to the bride's mother herself, the food is "nothing to write home about", cheese and crackers will be the cocktail hour, and no open bar. I'm investing a lot of time and money into this wedding and frankly, I get the sense that the guests aren't really being taken into consideration here. So yeah - I'm with Carole on this one. Take care of the people who are celebrating with you.

This topic never fails to be enntertaining....

I definitely agree to take care of your guests...however, Heather no one forced you to be in her wedding. Did you know how much it was going to cost BEFORE you agreed? (not arguing, just asking!)

@Lizzie, I know you were messin around It's all in good fun

Heather, you couldn't have said it better. I wanted our guests to have a good time and know that we appreciated them and we wanted them to have a good time. I didn't have a huge budget but I made sure I had the money to have an open bar. We had our reception a little earlier in the day also which helped save some. Your guests are important (or you wouldn't be inviting them) and that is how they should be viewed not as a nuisance.

Yeah I think that you should take care of your guests...However, is taking care of your guests, just providing them with alcohol? If you are providing food and music and a gathering with people you probably don't see on a regular basis, isn't that taking care of your guests? I know I have provided my bridal party with a packet of how much everything will cost them a year in advance and they have the option to decline being in the wedding. And I would not be offended or hurt in anyway, because I know that times are hard and some people just cannot afford to pay for certain things. But I really just think that it is the crowd of people that are attending the wedding. I know that my family and friends are okay with a cash bar, they are just excited to see us getting married. And we enjoy ourselves whenever we get together anyway. With or without alcohol.

"Heather no one forced you to be in her wedding. Did you know how much it was going to cost BEFORE you agreed?"

Well - no, of course I didn't. When she asked me I was thrilled to be a part of the wedding. I had no idea how much the BM dress was going to be, because she hadn't picked it out yet, and the bachelorette party hadn't been planned out. And, knowing what I know now, I certainly wouldn't go back and tell her no. She is family and we love her. But that's not the point. The point is, out of consideration and love for the people who are supporting you (we also made her centerpieces), it's in good taste and manners to make sure that they in turn are made to feel appreciated and shown a good time. And, trust me, this isn't a case of the family not having money.

So, no, I'm not going to bow out of this family wedding because of these things. That wasn't my point. But - every host always leaves an impression.

We knew we wanted to get married at a fun party. We knew we wanted our guests to enjoy the day as much as we did, vs. being some captive audience who stares on, slackjawed, while we "join our lives" and I swan around like a Queen for the Day.

So, yes, we had an open bar. Heck, our reception was IN a bar. But we did what was within our means - beer, house wine, and rail liquor. No one complained.

I gotta say I'm a little startled at the people who are like, "Well, hrmph, I do not DRINK wine or beer. So it's not good enough for me!" I mean, booze is booze. Lighten up, take the stick out of your behinds, and drink what your host has offered to you.

PS - Heather, WOW. Has anyone told Pretty Princess that she's bleeding her wedding party dry? And, as such, the wedding party should at least be able to get their booze on at teh wedding?

Maybe she's getting you all a really great gift?

Rochelle - I never understand the, "You better serve me exactly what I want" mentality. Are these teh same people who go to a dinner party and demand a special menu? As long as the bases are covered (enough to eat, enough to drink), who cares?