Jack and Jill party!

I'm not sure why people are so negative about a jack n jill! My FH and I are having a destination wedding, so we looked at it as a way for the people who cannot make it to the wedding, to still celebrate with us. It's a lot cheaper to buy 2, $20 tickets, then to buy me a set of $100 pots n pans that I don't really need at this time.

We had already been living together for 2 years, so I didn't need any of the gifts that would typically be given at a bridal shower. I'm not really a girly girl, so I didn't want a bridal shower either.

Everyone LOVED our Jack n Jill, and said they had a great time. We had my FH's best man print out tickets for us (he's more tech savvy) and gave a small stack to each of our bridal party members to sell. I think online purchase can make things a bit confusing - so my advice would be to keep it simple by selling actual tickets. We did ours as a Saturday night BBQ, and it was a big hit. We bought a lot of our raffle prizes with black Friday sales, and then each of our bridal party members offered to do some sort of raffle prize each.

Most of our crowd have small kids, so we actually chose to rent a bouncy obstacle course, and the kids were kept busy all day! The parents didn't have to stress about finding a sitter since they had the option to bring them, and they still got to enjoy adult time since the kids were so happy with the bouncy house.

Overall - we did things exactly how we wanted for a big celebration BBQ with our loved ones, and I'm so happy we did because everyone had a really awesome time. For $20, they got unlimited food, alcohol, and games - so everyone ended up being very generous with buying raffle tickets. We did end up making enough to make a final payment on our wedding, so that was definitely a big plus.

Do what makes you and your FH happy! times are changing, and I think it's for the better. Good luck planning!

"It's a lot cheaper to buy 2, $20 tickets, then to buy me a set of $100 pots n pans that I don't really need at this time." But guests should not have to pay a cent to celebrate with you. They should be invited to a party and just come and eat, drink and be merry without opening their wallets.

View Quoted Comment At this point charge for admission to your wedding. Charge for alcohol. Charge for food. Charge for appetizers. Charge to watch your first dance. Charge for a chair at dinner. Charge for cake.

Make that money,girl. Your loved ones show their affection by making it rain on you and your FS.

View Quoted Comment Fully support does not mean able to pay? My two closest friends who helped my DH propose both lost their jobs before my shower. They came with nothing. We couldn't have cared less. They showed their full support by showing up!

I can see both sides to this but the best part is. If someone doesn't want to attend. THEY DONT HAVE TOO!!!!!!!!!!!! So those who think its super tacky and rude will just stay home. Its really that simple. I wouldn't go to something i didn't want too.

I do have to say I much rather go to a jack and jill, then a shower/bach party.

View Quoted Comment WTF is a stag? The only context I’ve heard this is it’s the British word for a bachelor party. What is a stag with games and raffles? This whole thread is baffling.

View Quoted Comment Every one I’ve been invited to was a cash bar.

People here who didn't grow up with Jack and Jills or Stag and Does are never going to understand the mentality. Another part of the problem is the language. The same words mean entirely different kinds of parties in different areas of the country and in different countries. Rather than ask questions to clarify, people start attacking based on their misconceptions. In turn, the OP becomes defensive and attacks back, calling other pre-wedding events like showers, tacky.

Stag and Does were, and still are, very popular where my FI grew up. They were looked upon more as an opportunity for a fun night out than a find raiser. There was a severe lack of entertainment in his small town. Yes, the bride and groom usually made some money, but more importantly, it gave the people of the town, particularly the younger adults,something to do.

To the OP- if this kind of Jack and Jill is new to your area, you have to understand that you are going to meet resistance. Would I attend? No. Would I side eye you even if you were a friend? Absolutely. You should be funding the wedding and honeymoon you can afford. There are other ways to raise money for a honeymoon- get second jobs, sell things, etc.

You also said "I always viewed traditional bridal showers as so tacky! Thousands of dollars on restaurants and overpriced gifts. It’s just too much"

I need to point out that traditionally, showers were always small scale events, held in someone's home, with only your nearest and dearest attending. Gifts were small, often tea towels and kitchen tools, to help a bride set up her new home. It's only as brides and grooms have lived apart from their parents and, in many cases lived together, that showers and gifts became more elaborate.

It's easy enough to simply decline a shower, rather than look for an alternate way to get the money equivalent of shower gifts.

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View Quoted Comment Right, like why waste $ hosting another party if it is meant to raise funds for the wedding? That is just inefficient...

If I had $100 to spend in gifts:
Option 1: I give you $20 for 2 tickets to your Jack and Jill. $10 is used to reimburse the hosts for food, booze, and raffle items for the party. You pocket the other $10. I give you $80 at your wedding since I already gave $20. You net $90.
Option 2: I give you $100 at your wedding. You net $100.

I always throught Jack and Jill showers are when there are men and women invited to the shower, and not just women... that's a new concept for me.

I thought bridal showers were for gifts and see loved ones, If a guest wanted to give money instead of a gift they could bring a card.

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Isn't that the same as a shower, minus the door fee?

I mean, I don't agree with this concept, but I kind of get it if it's the norm where you're from. People pay $20 or whatever, have a fun night, and that money goes into the wedding, which they will get to enjoy at a later date. However, the fact that your wedding is 100% paid for makes this totally tacky in my opinion. You're already getting a wedding for $0, and now you want to have a party to have people bring you money so you don't have to pay for your honeymoon either?

If you don't want a shower, just don't have a shower. If you want to have a party to celebrate with people before the wedding, have an engagement party. Host your guests properly.

Wow - just wow. Mrs. BdeG has offered constructive comments on a board called "Etiquette and Advice" and you call her negative. It seems like a real trend here on WW: Someone asks for advice, and 95% of folks suggest/say "hey that is a bad idea" and they are "Haters" and "Mean" and such.

Critiquing the questions is why people are here - we want critiques of an idea - real or fake flowers, open or cash bar, small or big wedding. People respond accordingly.

Mrs. BdeG offered constructive criticism, and because you don't agree with her opinion, she is negative?

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Some people may still bring you gifts, but that is their wish. Sometimes I like to give someone I'm close to something they may not have put on a small registry, or something I think they may like. You just accept them with thanks and do what you will with them later on. But most people get the idea.

View Quoted Comment Right!! I had no idea this was a thing, and I have lived and have family from all over and have never seen this done once.

I could not imagine asking people to pay my FW and I money to party with us. I didn’t have an engagement party, and I don’t know if I’ll have a bridal shower but if I do, no one is required to buy or pay for anything. If my bridespeople want to put money together to throw me a cool bridal shower, then great. If they don’t want to throw a party or pay for anything then that is also great! I would never expect them to put any money towards me or my wedding (other than just paying for their dress or tux). I hate to sound like a witch but it amazes me that some people on here have any friends left.

🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽 yessss

View Quoted Comment Agreeed!!!

"I just don't understand why anyone would have their family and friends pay for a complete luxury. A wedding is not necessary for a marriage. If you can't afford a new car why would you walk around to your family asking for money or have your friends host a fundraiser. It's one thing if there was a tragedy. There wasn't. An engaged couple is not a charity. I see no reason to ask others to pay for your desire to have a luxury."

Exactly. A marriage is legal entity that all are entitled to under the law. A wedding and a honeymoon are extras. People need to stop any form of asking people to pay for them.

My brother and sister in law did a jack and jill shower with the aspect of a shower and not raffles to make money. It was okay.... It's not common around here. What really ended up happening was the guys went and hung out at the bar and the women sat around and ate potato salad.

View Quoted Comment I don't understand. What do you think your wedding is? A super expensive party and overpriced gifts. Also, idk what bridal showers you go to, but my FSIL is spending like $300 bucks to cater in some breakfast food.

Personally, I have never been to or had friends who hosted a jack & Jill, it's a Canadian thing from what I searched. But I think they are out dated. Maybe they made sense 40 years ago when weddings costs were relatively low, but now-a-days? What would a few extra hundred dollars from a jack and Jill party really cover? It's beyond taxjy