Is abstinence before the wedding day worth it

This is a very personal decision that only you and your FH can make, but it should be made together.

Regardless of whether or not you've had sex in the past, if you're making the decision from this point forward to wait until marriage to have sex, then God will honor that (since that's what you believe in). I know plenty of couples who waited until marriage to have sex and they are still happily married.

FH and I are also waiting. And not because we think it'll make the honeymoon so grand but because it's our personal convictions that we should wait to honor God. We aren't ashamed of this at all.

I agree it's a personal decision you make together. If you are doing this for religious faith based reasons then by all means stick to your guns. He is probably acting like that because it's hard for him to keep it together. I know my FH and I are abstaining for Faith based reasons. Is it easy ? Nope. Is it worth it? ABSOLUTELY.

I realize this is echoing PP's, but it's worth repeating.

If tomorrow, the good lord smacks me on the back of the head and tells me that not using contractions in my sentences is the missing eleventh commandment, that conviction wouldn't affect anyone else.

However, your newfound conviction affects more than just you. It's a big part of the relationship between you and your FH. This should be a conversation. This should involve prayer and study and communication.

Well, if you've already had sex before marriage, and you believe in Christianity, then technically you're already going to hell...not trying to be harsh, but that is the belief, correct? It doesn't matter if it's one sin or 1000. So to stop now is really just silly, and frankly, dumb. He should desire you. Sexual desire is natural and normal. His craving is not the problem.

Ok, to the girl that said it's not in the Bible.... yes, it is. Premarital sex is a sin. Me and my fiancé have been together for years and not had sex. We want to honor God with our relationship, and save ourselves for marriage. I'm so proud that we have, and we haven't lived together so it makes marriage life seem so much more exciting, rather than if we had lived together for years. What would be the difference? Anyway, one of my best friends had sex with her boyfriend, and felt terrible about it. They both went to the alter and got on their knees and prayed together for God to forgive them and make them born again virgins lol. To this day they have abstained, and are so glad they have. As a Christian and a southern Baptist girl, yes! It's worth it my dear!

ONCE THE CHERRY IS POPPED IT DOESN'T BECOME UNPOPPED LINDSEY WTF!

Glitter - It is part of the Christian belief system. It doesn't mean you are physically a virgin. But you are emotionally a virgin again. At least that is how I interpret it.

Vanessa, I know what it is, but thank you for offering the information. I was raised Catholic, currently atheist, but have never believed in "born again virgins". You can go celibate, you can abstain, but you can never revirginize in my opinion.

Have you had sex prior to your wedding day? If you have had sex, abstinence is dumb.

Me and FH were having sex for the first 2 years. I was feeling terribly guilty and the last time we did it I literally cried... like right as he is going...cried real tears....he felt so guilty he got up and out. I didn't speak to him for a few days. From there he understood my guilt and struggle and it made him have convictions as well. We recently moved in together after engagement and we haven't slipped up, but we've had some near misses. We've decided we are worth it. We are worth the blessings we will have for struggling instead of committing to the sin and taking for granted grace and mercy. So for me it's more than the Christian thing to do, it is honoring our future marriage with one of the hardest sacrifices. It's been hard and we are not perfect in these last 4 years but we are better and closer.

ETA: the 4 years was 4 years after the decision to abstain.

*getting off soap box*

You can't be a born again virgin. It is physically impossible.

OP, if you've already had sex with him it seems wrong to stop because you're engaged now.

As my mother said, "Don't buy a car without test driving it." I can't imagine marrying someone I wasn't sure I had that sort of chemistry with!

Honestly, you're engaged, which means back in biblical times you would already be married. He will be your husband. The only difference will be a piece of paper that states that in three months. You feel guilty because he's not officially your husband yet, but will a piece of paper change how you feel about each other in three months? Probably not.

I couldn't help myself; I laughed out loud at born again virgins. The things people tie themselves up in knots over and the things they can sell themselves on to make the bad feelings go away. Being a virgin is such a social construct anyway; nothing magical happens when it's a penis entering the ring instead of a tampon or a finger. And a deity that will restore your soul-hymen because you say pretty please? Really?

Seriously, this is a question that's posted on a wedding planning forum? Hey, we're all about "I'm in love with two dresses -- which one makes my arms looks better?", "Do you like my amateur DIY centerpieces (yeah, sure, they're amazing!)?", "Should my cousin, the high school teacher, officiate our wedding?", "How many crock pots do I need to feed 300 people?", and "How do I ask for cash, because we have an everlasting, never gonna wear out, supply of every possible tangible household item available?".

What we're not about, this random group of engaged men and women who are Catholics, Protestants, Jews. Latter Day Saints, Jehovah's Witnesses, Baptists, Pentecostals, Unitarian Universalists, AME Zionists, Atheists, Wiccans, Secularists, Buddhists, Hindus, Native Americans, Greek Orthodox, Muslims, Taoists, Shintoists, etc., etc., etc., is weighing in on someone's personal faith -- especially when it relates to the most intimate act in which two human beings can engage.

We have to put our religious/spiritual/philosophical beliefs aside to even consider answering this question. Let's just go from Jump Street -- something we can all understand. How about humanity? If you are making out -- as in, enjoying the passion of kissing and groping -- then why would you expect the human response, which is evidence of the human brain's involuntary system, to suddenly stop short because you don't intend to engage in intercourse with a partner that you've set up and primed for that act? All of that stuff, the flirting, the making out, etc...it's called foreplay. It's the tease and the promise of providing your partner with one of the most pleasurable, organic (no drugs, no booze necessary) experiences human beings will ever enjoy while they're on this planet. It's magical, mystifying, and it connects two people in a way that a drink or a cup of coffee couldn't. Yeah, it's called sex, and it's powerful, and playing with it, pretending that it's going to happen, is abject cruelty when it's all a fraud -- regardless of what you say you believe. So why would anyone, especially someone who is engaged to marry the other party, play this stupid, pointless, frustrating game? If you're a student of the scriptures, you know about Onanism, right? Is that something the scriptures endorse? If you don't know, stop flirting with him and go read your bible.

Talk to your pastor. This is between you, your partner, and your cleric.

Personally I would not be at all agreeable with abstaining... seems like a pretty stupid plan to me if you've already had sex

I can see maybe the night or two before the wedding sleeping separately if it's important or you want the wedding night or honeymoon to be special but the fact that you'll be married will be exciting enough without cutting yourselves off from intimacy between now and then.

@Elphaba I thought of saved as well "I'm saving myself 'til marriage and I'll use force if necessary"

To be honest, I think it's kind of silly. Intimacy is an extremely important part of a relationship and this could put an unnecessary strain on it.

You'll be so happy and in bliss during your honeymoon that alone alone will make it special.

However, if you want the wedding night to be different, special, exciting, or whatever it is, you're aiming for why not plan on trying something new together, new toy(s), positions(s), etc.

Sounds like it's doing more damage then good for your relationship. I would ditch the idea.

So you've been intimate throughout your relationship but have now decided to practice abstinence due to religious beliefs? Uh..