Is abstinence before the wedding day worth it

If you're worried about the honeymoon, you should consider that having orgasms more frequently makes it easier for women to have orgasms in general. Religion aside, that's a great reason to get on it!

Oh Paty. No one "needs" to do anything. It's not your place to judge. I can throw out a lot of scriptures that back that idea up too.

OP, I mean, the ship has sailed. You can't really go back so I think you guys should work on your relationship and its progression now.

To be clear - I'm not judging, just offering an explanation as to why some Christians feel the need to do this.

Fornication is a sin, and the definition of fornication is "consensual sexual intercourse between two persons not married to each other". So there is that.

While Christians are not perfect and make wrong choices and mistakes, we are instructed to repent if we hope to get in to heaven. No repentance = living in sin = not going to heaven.

Repent definition "1-to turn from sin and dedicate oneself to the amendment of one's life 2- to feel regret or contrition, to change one's mind"

SO, while "That ship has sailed" she is no longer a virgin and they have been intimate, the "appropriate" thing to do is to change one's mind and no longer live that way.

Again, not judging, just laying out what the book says. Before I became a Christian, I was more wild, been there done that. That said, FH and I are also waiting, but we have waited our entire relationship. I don't expect our honeymoon to be too exciting sex wise because he will only last like 2 seconds. Is what it is. Its a struggle and a very personal choice, best discussed between you and FH and your pastor if you choose to include them - but what is most important is that you're on the same page.

ETA and before anyone say's I'm telling people they are or aren't going to heaven, if you don't believe the same way, then what does it matter?

Paty- this is how people wind up hating themselves for having sex and enjoying their body parts that are MEANT to be enjoyable.

HEY THANKS VBS FOR FUCKING UP MY SEX LIFE FOR YEARS!!!

Just stop with that shit.

If you two were intimate before and you decided to stop but he didn't really agree to it yes he will be cranky. Sex to a man is very important. You just can't cut it off once you've given it to him. Men don't function like that. Talk to him. But be ready to hear things you may not agree with and compromise. You can't blame him because kissing and touching is a type of intimacy and could lead to sex so if you told him no cookie you can't expect to have the intimacy you want but not give him what he wants

That honeymoon boost will last a whole 25 seconds. Have fun with that.

I think the bigger issue here is that it does not sound like you had a conversation with him about this. It sounds like you decided and he got no say in it. I would be really upset as well. If you're already having sex, I would keep having it.

Hell no it's not "worth it"!

Sexual compatibility is a huge, huge part of a healthy long term relationship. If you don't get that sorted out BEFORE you make a commitment, you are headed for life of misery or a divorce. Physical intimacy is the difference between a close friend and a lover. Unless you are both asexual, you need your husband to be a lover and not just a friend.

And if you have already been engaging in a healthy, mutually-enjoyable sex life why on earth would you stop?

One of my good friends did this but it was bc her FI wanted it. He had a very constructive religious upbringing. They still lived together and had had sex before but would not even sleep together and cuddle at night.

Honestly, it strained their relationship. When they were dealing with inlaw issues before the wedding they did not have the closeness they needed because of the forced deescalation of intimacy. I truly don't think they would have fought as much.

Also, they got drunk and fucked in the limo on the way from the reception to the after party. I know because the bride told everyone very loudly. It's a funny story but the family was mortified.

A lack of intimacy ruins a relationship, especially one that's about to enter into marriage. Abstaining won't enhance intimacy later on because it'll cause a rift between you way before that, especially if you have been intimate before. This is not a smart idea. And don't use Christianity as an excuse since that clearly has nothing to do with this.

If this is something you and FH feel strongly about then it is fine, however it seems as though you made the decision without him which may be why he is reacting the way he is. You need to sit down and have a conversation with him about why you wanted to do this and see if he is on the same page or if you guys can come together for a compromise. Although everyone keeps pointing out that it isn't fair to him and all of the negative consequences that could arise, if you honestly feel that strongly about abstaining and feel guilty then it will cause you to have negative reactions and resentment towards him as well which will damage your relationship if you don't abstain and are feeling forced to continue having sex when you don't want to/feel guilty.

You both need to come together to something you both agree with.

ETA: clarity

Were you guys intimate and then stopped? I get why you want to wait for religious reasons, but if he's had a taste of your cake already then its kinda harsh to just cut him off.

This is a personal decision only you can make. But from my point of view I don't see the point since you have already been intimate before

@chip.... it's never a good idea to post literal translations from the Bible. Unless you've studied for many years it's not fair to make blanket statements about what it says or doesn't say based on modern definitions. Your interpretation is just as subjective as others'. Just sayin.

I think it depends on whether you and your FH genuinely believe, in your heart of hearts, that you should be abstaining from premarital sex. If you do, then you should honor that and wait even though it may be hard for him. Just because you've made mistakes before does not mean that you should repeat them (IF you see premarital sex as a mistake).

On the other hand, I think abstinence before the wedding for non-religious reasons is intended to heighten the excitement. But that doesn't seem to be working for you guys. For example, my FH and I will probably abstain for a while before. However, neither of us are very sexual people and it wouldn't make either of us cranky. If it did start to make us cranky, we'd just have sex. It's better to be in a good emotional/affectionate place with your FH before the wedding, not in a place of tension.

What @future Mrs hallmark said! Pray about it

My FH would probably want to call off the wedding if we stopped being intimate. lol I'm kidding.

But I don't think it would bode well for our wedding planning. It helps us get along a lot easier.

Sooooo I don't think you should hold out on him. That's basically punishing him for wanting to marry you.

I really don't understand why you're doing this to your FH. It's just plain mean honestly. It would be a COMPLETELY different story if you were a virgin, but if you've already had sex frequently then you literally can't use religion as a reason to abstain. That ship has sailed.... I find it confusing honestly. And this is coming from someone with a religious background. I used to wear a purity ring and everything lol. But once you do it you can't really go back...

I think you both need to sit down and talk about this. You can't just turn off the sex tap without him knowing and then expect him to be okay with it. My FH and I talked about doing this mainly cause I'm kinda terrified and paranoid about getting pregnant before the big day. We still plan on being intimate in other ways. There needs to be comprise either way.

Would you buy a car without taking it for a test drive first?