Is abstinence before the wedding day worth it

I also agree with PPs in saying that this is a really personal decision between you and you FH, and no one else can decide for you.

As practicing Christians, we should abstain from sex (and yes, it does say that in the Bible). Most draw the line at living with each other. If you're already living together, I would say it definitely makes it harder to abstain. I completely get why your FH is trying to limit temptation for himself. If you do abstain, don't do it for the guilt; do it because you believe that is how to best honor God. I'm not going to recommend you have sex with him because that goes against what God says. I would suggest a lot of prayer and discussion with your pastor.

ETA: I'm a little confused why he'd refrain from flirting with you, though. Making out is one thing if it makes him want to have sex...but flirting? That takes a lot of joy out of the relationship, in my opinion. I love that we still flirt three years in.

I would just abstain for a week or two before the wedding. Same type of effect just more doable. Ha doable.

@leah lmao!!

And I doubt he has an above average sex drive bc he isn't happy you guys stopped having sex he's probably just a normal man

This makes no sense...there is no need to change your sexual relationship because you are getting married

Of course he doesn't want to make out with you- no one wants to walk around with fucking blue balls while you're holding out the V on him.

It's a useless endeavor- making out turns people on- why bother getting all hot and bothered if you aren't doing the deed?

That's not really fair.

Can you fucking blame him? Nope. I wouldn't.

Just get it on already.

Personally I think abstinence is silly. It is especially silly when you have already done the act. Withholding sex will not make your relationship better, it will make it worse.

This is a ridiculous idea if you're already used to having sex. Go back to having sex before you do some real damage to your relationship!

I think you'd be better off talking to people you trust about this rather than random people online. Talk to you close friends or mentors or someone you respect at your church. We do not know you or your situation, why you feel guilty, or why you want to abstain.

Also, he has a good reason for not wanting to snuggle or kiss if you want to abstain. That is what's better for him right now if that's what you choose.

This seems weird and controlling. I'd be pissed at you too.

@Sara&L - I know I'm not the OP, but while that makes complete sense (because physical touch is one of my love languages as well) a key note as part of that language is that it doesn't have to mean sex. My FH and I don't have sex but I'm able to receive love just by him hugging me or similar expressions. I don't mean this to jump all over you at all, but that is a common misconception.

This could backfire on you, badly. Resentment could build up rather than anticipation and then you start off your marriage on a bad note.

FH also just joked that your HM will look like the scene from Scary Movie where the guy blows so hard Anna Faris is plastered to the ceiling lmao.

I am assuming by saying boost the honeymoon experience by his level of excitement, you mean the one hole friction whistle. Which if that is right, I know my honeymoon was bad ass because I was banging my H and the euphoria is something else. He was more than ready every time.

As far as the Christian thing, ummm..I think you already crossed that bridge. I understand repent and turn from your evil ways like the good Lord suggests. From my perspective that is a personal choice and if I decided that and FH didn't want me to touch him, I would just have to respect that. Especially if I wasn't letting him get any cookie.

As O&S once said- you're picachu isn't going back the way it was.

I can also tell you- I held out with my now husband- we were not fully intimate for a long time- and it was really hard -it did impact our relationship to an extent. and at some point we made an executive decision to move ahead physically.

In my head it was a romantic weekend away bla bla bla- and instead I called out of work and said- we are spending the day in bed together. And thank GOD we didn't spend a lot of time or money or days off going away- because the sex wasn't good.

We were both so fucking rusty- the first time after no sex in a while was rough. for both of us. thankfully we've worked out the kinks- but putting all that pressure on the one night after a really emotional day is setting yourself up for failure.

Just- go do the things and enjoy yourselves.

Life is to fucking short not to get the dick. I half wish we had started having sex sooner because now I'm so tired all the time getting sex in is a chore and I feel bad my body isn't responding the way it did when we were first dating. #missedthatfuckingboat.

I don't understand why you keep saying he "admits" that he craves intimacy. EVERYONE craves intimacy. That is a basic feeling shared by nearly all adult humans.

Did you talk to him about this at all, or did you just decide, unilaterally, that you would no longer be having any sexual contact? That's not fair.

I do agree with those who say don't just do it because you want to. You should both be in agreement that it's the right thing to do for you. Otherwise there will be a lot of resentment for sure.

I've heard of couples doing this for the week before the wedding but never for months before...

I'm a Christian.

But I have a UO: I really don't agree that not having sex is the "appropriate Christian thing to do," especially if you've already had sex.

Like would God really consider it a sin for me to have sex with someone that I love and am committed to marrying? Does God really consider a piece of paper from the state and a pastor saying that I'm married the litmus test for a valid marriage? God is way bigger and more complicated than that.

Anyways, no one here can tell you what is right for you and FH. I think you need to discuss this more with him and not with us. But I don't think it's fair that you basically made this decision for him.

That's a long time to tell a guy to go without sex. No wonder he's being weird. I don't know I feel like it's giving a kid candy, letting them have half of it and then taking it away and telling them to save it for later because it will "be worth it"....

Some people might not even care about my comment but the bible actually talks about premarital sex if you didn't know that's what is called "sexual immorality" or "fornication".

1 corinthians 7:2 you can see that sex was made to be enjoy with your husband/wife.

1 thessalonians 4:3-4

@OP this was something you needed to do since the beginning of your relationship not just now.

not judging just giving my opinion.