Is abstinence before the wedding day worth it

@cutenickname, I thats why i made the little disclaimer that if someone doesn't believe the same way I do, then what I said doesn't really matter, I was only offering some insight to what some (absolutely not all) believe. Those are the definitions pulled from the dictionary, and also the definitions used by our church. I've studied enough to know that a lot of what is said in the bible also relies heavily in the context, hence why I didn't cite any verses, but rather statements that are repeated over and over in different verses, chapters, and books, and therefore with different context.

She can do whatever she likes in her relationship, but again, you both have to be on the same page and in agreement, otherwise one of you will be resentful. I mean, He can't force her to be intimate, and she can't force him to stay in a relationship with no intimacy if intimacy is what he wants.

From what I've read it sounds like you didn't talk to him about this before you made your decision. And since you've already had sex with him, completely denying him is a bit mean if you ask me. If FH said that he wouldn't have sex with me before the wedding, it would seriously hurt our relationship. Not because our relationship is based on sex, but because it brings us closer together. If I was in your FH's place I would revoke all cuddling/making out/etc. as well. This is going to back fire on you. It's going to damage your relationship and most likely cause resentment. Which isn't how you want to start a marriage.

You and FH need to sit down and talk about this. This isn't a decision that one person makes on their own.

I think the only way this is "worth it" is if you were both on the same page about it. But it sounds like it was more your idea than his and he's building up some resentment that could eventually boil over into something else.

Im a Christian & I have been sleeping with my FH since we met. I couldn't imagine marrying someone and not knowing about the chemistry. It seems by your post that you two used to be intimate, so he's right. It's really not fair to him for you to just cut it off.

OP, this discussion should be between you and your FH. You will get a lot of opinions on here about what you should or shouldn't do and I personally think that nobody but you can decide what you are comfortable with just as nobody but your FH can decide what he is comfortable with.

I will give you my advice but I again, think that you can't make a decision based on what strangers think....

1.) I think that regardless of whether or not you have had sex before with your FH or with anyone else, you have the right to say no at any time. Just because "that ship has sailed" does not mean you should continue doing something if you are uncomfortable with it for any reason.

ETA: If this is because you just want to have a "honeymoon" feel, then I don't think it is necessary because I do not think it will make a difference.

2.) I think that you and your FH will both need to set your boundaries for eachother if you plan to abstain from sex until your wedding night and you will each have to respect those boundaries. Abstaining from sex is hard. It is much harder when you have already had sex and especially if you have an "above average" sex drive (as your FH has told you). While kissing, cuddling, flirting may not get you going, it may have an entirely different effect for your FH. Maybe he is comfortable cudding, but not making out. Maybe he is okay with kissing, but doesn't want a steamy makeout session... Maybe he can flirt, but not with sexual tones. Discuss these things with him.

This is way too early to start I think... maybe wait 2 weeks, or a month? Either way your honeymoon will be amazing! Also, chances of you both being too tired the night of your wedding to actually do anything is a real possibility. That's what I've heard from a lot of married couples anyways haha

Like Taylor said "that ship has sailed"

I would clock out now and meet FH for a quickie. Torturing him for a honeymoon experience is NOT okay. I don't blame him for being cranky.

I didn't read anyone else's comments, so someone may have already said this. You were intimate with FH and are now abstaining from any intimacy? You do realize men crave intimacy and will find it in other forms right? You can't just quit being intimate with him and expect him to be loyal...

ETA: If it was a mutual decision, I would say differently, but doesn't sound like FH is on board.

It sounds like you did this with no input from your FH. You need to talk with him. If this is a religious decision then you should also speak with your pastor or a marital counselor.

I'm in no way supporting just quitting intimacy cold turkey without first discussing/praying about it, but quitting it DOES NOT given him license to be unloyal. If a man/person ever uses the excuse, there are issues. And yes, men crave intimacy, but so do women. I'm just really bothered by some things PP have said, religion/faith aside. I know there will be differences in beliefs/opinions, and I agree that there will be certain consequences if you stop having sex (especially if you don't agree on it, which I don't recommend), but still. Ugh.

this is easily UO, but I don't care.

ETA: words to clarify

I did not read the comments.

I don't understand why you have decided that the 'appropriate Christian thing to do" is abstain. (As a pastor, I've never gotten that...) Especially if you have had relations before, especially if you randomly decided to stop without discussing it. What exactly do you think this proves?

I think some counseling is in order here , because at the very least there is a gap in communication.

I agree with Future Mrs. Hallmark -

If FH is unloyal, it is never your fault, OP. Even if you have decided to abstain from sex. Both men and women crave sex. I have a higher sex drive than my FH but would not cheat on him because he wants to wait.

When I'm done cleaning, I'm half-tempted to copy-paste my previous comment on sex and the bible, since bible quotes are getting thrown in now.

Anyways, OP, I'm not sure why you expected this to boost the honeymoon experience. Sex is sex, whether it be your honeymoon, birthday, a random Wednesday, a federal holiday, tax day, etc.

It's your choice to abstain, don't get me wrong, but I agree with the point made by Celia in regards to communication about this.

You wanted to abstain from sex. He's now abstaining from all forms of intimate contact as a result, which isn't what you wanted. What sort of discussion did you have about this before abstaining?

If you are not a virgin I do not see a point

OP I think you really should talk to your FH about this, as others have said. If my FH decided to cut me off without getting my input, I wouldn't want to so much as touch him for fear of getting myself excited and knowing I couldn't have it. For some people, all it takes is a simple touch to get them turned on and it sounds like your FH is like that. He's probably just protecting himself from that temptation by eliminating most physical contact. Which is something you should have realized he might do, when you made that choice - because he's your FH and you should know him well enough to know what gets him turned on. Talk to him. Only you can make your choice on this but you need to have a long conversation with him about it.

To me, no its never worth it to abstain just because you are getting married. The only abstaining I plan on is the night before and only because FH and I are spending that night apart so he doesn't see my dress.

I don't think this is a very appropriate question for WW. Especially considering it doesn't sound like you have open lines of communication with FH about the questions you're asking. Something like this is going to be better answered by simply talking to your partner. It sounds like you haven't been abstinent up until now, so if there is something that changed, you need to have a for sure convo with FH before bringing this up in public. Lol. Just my opinion.

So you were having very regular sexual encounters, then got engaged and then randomly decided "no more sex for us!!!" Til the honeymoon!

That's messed up.

For many topics on WW, I will turn to FH and ask him what his opinion would be if the situation applied to us. For this one, he said he would respect my wishes even if he didn't totally understand why it was okay to be frequently intimate before but not now. I mean, it may be the Christian thing but the two of you have frequently been intimate (your words) before so that ship has sailed. I'm not a fan of not doing something suddenly because it suddenly matters that I'm a Christian when it didn't the day before. If it's more so for the honeymoon then throw that man a bone. You'll be much more pleased the night of your wedding if you do. Otherwise, he's probably going to be finished before you are and there could wind up being tension on both parts. You both could wind up upset because your moment together as husband and wife didn't last as long as you would like.

Richard, I wouldn't even give it five minutes...

Did OP ever come back and tell us whether this was more of a genuine religious belief or just a way to try to spice up the wedding night?

I completely agree with @Elphaba and others that abstaining from sex is not an excuse to cheat. Honestly, that idea alone makes me mad because I feel like it's sexist! I constantly hear, "well of course he cheated because she didn't have sex with him." But I have a MUCH higher sex drive than FH and never once has someone said "well you'll probably cheat" or "your FH should give it to you more often." Instead, I'm the big weirdo who shouldn't want sex so much lol. Everyday sexism, ladies and gents.