Is a Honeymoon fund really THAT BAD? Geez.

Yes it's rude and tacky

Yep. It's really that tacky

I think they're awesome. I don't know why people are obsessed with having dishes that match the blender that match the bathroom set. I'm not materialistic so I'd rather have experiences to remember for a lifetime than a plate that will break in two years

Asking for money is tacky. There's nothing deeper about it.

ETA: But, it's up to you on what you want to do. We can't force you to not do one. We are just giving advice.

Your guests are not actually buying you "experiences." As others have said, these sites just send a check to the couple, but after the percentage is deducted and after the trip.

Etiquette evolves. There are a million things we now do on a daily basis that would've been frowned upon 50 years ago. Why is this different? It's ok to buck every tradition and go against the norm in every other way but this? The ambiguous "they" who make the etiquette "rules" should also evolve. IMO it's no less tacky to literally make a list of specific items for people to purchase for you, wrap up, and then watch you act surprised as you open- a.k.a. a registry. It's literally only on this site that I've ever seen people act like they're a mortal sin.

Yea, it's kind of "That bad"

I dont see a problem with it. it's the same thing as a registry. You are asking for something. Either asking for gifts or money it's the same shit to me. I don't understand why people on here think it's tacky. My FH cousin used it and we paid for her to swim with dolphins. I thought that was such a cool gift!

@elphaba- yes, they are. Still doesn't change my point.

When you use a honeyfund, you are not paying for someone's experiences though. You are just contributing to a larger check that a third party takes a portion of the money from. And the couple doesn't even get the check until after the wedding. Those are some of the main reasons why I don't like honeyfunds. Some third party is profiting off your wedding and is, in my opinion, legally stealing from you and your guests. Not okay. Money shouldn't have to go from guest to honeyfund to you. It should go directly from guest to you (if the guest feels so inclined to give you a gift of cash).

I don't understand why people make a point of posting "I know you don't like this but I'm doing it" posts. It would be like me popping over to a Republican forum to announce I vote Democrat or going to church and informing everyone I'm an atheist. I'm not convincing them, they aren't convincing me and all that's generated is bad feeling.

You don't have a question here. You know how the majority feel and you already have your cash registry. What's the point of this?

A traditional registry was to prevent duplications of gifts and to give people an idea of the colours etc that the couple were preferring. It was in no way intended as a demand for gifts.

A honeymoon registry is a disguised money grab. Rude and deceptive to guests.

Jeanette, if you used Honeyfund you absolutely did not gift them a swim with dolphins.

@Jacks Well said

They are tacky. It's rude to ask people for money. It is *particularly* rude to ask people for money to be spent on an expensive luxury item (a fancy sex vacation in this case) that they may not be able to afford for themselves.

If rude/tacky isn't enough to dissuade you, they are also deceitful. These websites lie to your guests and fools them into believing that they are buying you a certain experience. This is a complete falsehood. The guest may think they are sending you on some particular excursion, but they aren't. Nothing gets booked, and you may or may not wind up with that excursion. The wedding couple gets the cash value, not the actual experience.

If rudeness and lies aren't enough to dissuade you, they are also straight up financially dumb. Say your aunt spends $100 on what she thinks will be a couples' massage for you. As discussed above, you don't actually get a massage; you get the cash value. But you don't get the full cash value. The website takes a cut. So now her $100 is your $95. And for what? Why would $95 from a website be a better option for you as the bride than $100 in a card? No one who advocates for the honeymoon fund thing has ever been able to answer this question across dozens of threads: WHY IS $95 FROM A WEBSITE A BETTER OPTION THAN $100 DIRECTLY FROM YOUR GUEST? Even if you don't care about the rudeness and the lies, don't you care about not giving up a portion of your money for no reason?

I didn't read the previous posts. I have enough faith in the majority of the wise, cultured, polite, regularly posting community members (knowing a scant few are singing the praises of the honeyfunds to which they are clinging) to have found it necessary to read what they said in order to know that they gave you great advice.

So, is it that horrible to ask for your guests to fund your honeymoon? Well, let's see.

Wedding planning is the obligation of the couple -- you already know that. You've googled, interviewed, and paid for countless vendors -- the best you can afford, right? Well, that's perfect. However, when it comes to guests, it starts with mailed invitations with postage paid response envelopes, moves on to a rehearsal dinner for your honor attendants (at your expense), proceeds to a ceremony venue that isn't freezing cold or sunstroke hot (and has enough seating for every guest), and includes a cocktail hour with real cocktails, a professionally prepared and served meal and dessert, and decent entertainment. That's it. However, the couple have another segment of wedding planning to address -- if they're so inclined. It's called the honeymoon, and every wedding I've attended features couples who can tell me, instantly, where they're honeymooning. Why? Because they knew it was part of wedding planning, and they handled it -- they didn't expect me or Table 17, Table 12, Table 9, and Table 6 to do it for them.

Where you fell short is believing, based on the bullshit that's on the internet (authored by companies staying in business because they can convince you, and others like you, that you can ask your guests to pay for your honeymoon without a shade of embarrassment), is that brides are now living in the age of new dawn that allows them to shift the final stages of their wedding planning -- the honeymoon -- onto their guests. You've been lied to, but have at it, and enjoy your $78.22 that typically ends up in a some cute, ribboned jar (and I say that because a majority of individuals find this tin cup approach to funding a honeymoon repugnant. But, if you're sure they'll fund it for you, go ahead and risk your reputations -- because your reputations will be discussed, but not in your presence).

Why should it matter to your guests if you've been living together for four minutes or 14 years? They're just going to a wedding because they love you, not because they've researched your domestic life. Who cares, or even thinks about, how many blenders or vacuum cleaners you have? They (we) have our own lives, and honestly, we know that stuff wears out. If you want some replacements, have a wedding shower and be showered with household equipment. If you don't have a shower, just let them attend your wedding as the adults they are. They don't need to fund a damn thing. You need to fund what you want, and if that's a honeymoon -- great. Use their money (or mine) to fund it...because typically, that's what you're going to receive at a wedding.

I honestly don't care if a couple uses my generous cash gift to pay the venue, the mortgage, the car note, or the travel agent. That's up to you because you are adults, and I gave you the money to do with it as you see fit. If that's a honeymoon, have a wonderful time. That's how adults deal with things, and just because you're getting married, despite the winning campaign submitted by an top ten advertising agency to some Honeyfund company, it doesn't mean you should revert to writing a list to Santa when it comes to your wedding.

Your life is your life. You've chosen it. You own sheets, towels, rugs, throw pillows, art from Home Goods, pots and pan, dishes, cutlery, etc., etc., etc (and, I asume, you'll be buying some of those domestic items a few times in the coming year -- but it's always the same Honeyfund chorus: "We don't need..."). Give your guests the respect to do what they want to do when it comes to gifting, or be a beggar (and a client of these awful Honeyfund companies who take a portion of every guests' gift). Especially if you don't want a few toasters or an ugly bowl.

Oh, and in case you hadn't heard, it a total failure of decorum to ask for a gift at your wedding -- let alone a specific one.

I don't see a problem with it, IMO it's the same as any other thing you'd put on a registry, it just doesn't come in a box. My only issue is that they take a fee out. I'd rather give straight cash so I know they are getting all of it.

Most registries are compiled by brides who are having wedding showers, and wedding showers, by definition, mean "showering the bride with gifts". Sure, a guest can go to that registry and select a wedding gift if they are among the minority who do not give cash gifts, but the registry is ultimately for the convenience of the guests. A honeyfund is not a tangible gift -- it's cash, and no bride or groom has the right to ask for cash.

Why are the u even asking this?

I honestly don't think they're aweful. I have one and I've had plenty of guests tell me what a good idea it is (and use the site to give us a gift). I usually take advice on these forums with a grain of salt.