Inviting Estranged Family Members?

Only you can answer that question. Follow your heart and do what you want to do and only what you want to do.

You may ask him for lunch and let him know how you're feeling and that there's a part of you that really wants him there but what you fears are if he does show.

Don't do something you'll regret either way. When you do make a decision don't let others sway you.

Tammy's right - it's 100% your decision and not anything we can decide for you. I like the idea of going to lunch with him to talk about it. But 5 years is a long time to not talk to someone. If you think you'll be happier on your wedding day having him NOT there, then don't invite him. It's your day and you should surround yourself with people you love and who love you. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. We got $&!% from FH's mom about not inviting certain people, but we dont' want them there so no invite. She got over it.

What is the worst case scenario if you invite him? If he accepts and shows up, what's the worst that can happen?

I am not inviting my bio father or his family. He has not been around and his family does not want anything to do with me and my sister. If you want him and his family then try to get a hold of him and talk to him about it. But if you do not want him or his family there then don't invite him or his family. It is your day and your FH's day. Think about it. In 20 years are you going to regret not having them there? Good luck.

I agree with Tammy. Only you can really answer that question, but ultimately whatever you decide needs to come from what/how you feel. If you decide to invite him have a convo w him about appropriate behavior and how you hope he acts and respects your day. Good luck these situations suck!

Fh father will be at our wedding. This will be the 1st that I meet him in 12 years. They have been estranged from each other for 18 years. 2 years ago fh made a comment on how he would like to reach out to dad. I located him. FH and his fsil met with the dad, and fh said that it was nice to see him, but does not plan on having a relationship with him. fsil sees him all the time. when the guest list came around we were inviting all the fornasty's and I told him its all or nothing. He said thats ok. When his bro found out about this he wanted to boycot the wedding. I was like you cant ur the best man. He said that he wants nothing to do with him, n he doesnt want that man to see him, his wife, or daughter. I said lets compromise i can understand the situation, but its our day. I will tell the dad, that he is not to contact the bro, wife, or daughter. and if he does he will be thrown out. bro agreed to this. I hope nothing happens, but all I can do is sit back watch.

We opted out of inviting everyone in our families. FH doesn't really know his fathers side of the family that well, so we're not inviting anyone on that side (except his dad & step-mom). We're not inviting 2nd cousins or great-aunts, nothing like that. We don't talk to those people so we don't want to pay for a family reunion. Ya know?

Forget that this is your wedding for a moment,suppose you asked your dad to come to a party you were throwing and you asked him to be on his best behavior because it was really important to you that the day went well, would you trust him to carry through? If not,then you have your answer. People do change, but more often than not, they don't. My opinion may not be popular, but just because a person is your blood, that doesn't mean they are someone who you would seek out a relationship with. I dont know your history with your dad, but I think too much emphasis is placed on titles, yes, the person who is geneticly your father is your dad, however there are alot of fathers out there that just dont fill the role. Have no guilt with whatever you choose, good luck, I hope you find comfort in whatever decision you make.

On many levels, well said Karen S! Blood does not a father or mother make.

I have mixed feelings on this one. On the one hand, meeting him for lunch, deciding whether you would like to extend the invite and making peace could ease some buried issues you may have. On the other hand, he could be the same old whatever ..... he was and you could walk away from lunch knowing he isn't going to skrew up your day.

Whatever you decide to do, it seriously has to be your decision. Good luck with the decision. It is a difficult one.

I second what Karen S wrote (and well put might I add). Blood is definitely not thicker than water, per se.

I'm at odds on whether to have my dad walk me down the aisle or not. He's definitely had his moments of being ... well ... a dad, but otherwise, most the time he's a bonafide a-hole. Will I regret not having my dad walk me down the aisle 20 years from now? Definitely not and I know in my heart that this is how I feel and it's OKAY to feel this way.

This decision should be yours and only yours, but you have to be okay with it and try to not have any guilt. This will be a hard decision and I wish you luck with whatever decision you make. No one will judge you either way because this is you and your FH's day.

I have similar problems. I was very estranged from my father for years. He sounds like he has the same manners and your dad. I would say if you aren't comfortable having him there then don't invite him. I know he's your dad but, sometimes things are just too complicated.

I'll add- I don't know your situation, but I was estranged from my dad for 5 years. If I had gotten married during that time, I might not have invited him. But we've since then started mending our relationship. If he had been excluded from my wedding in the meantime, I don't know if that would be possible. And I would 100% look back and regret it.

My dad hasn't changed one bit BTW. And he'll never take accountability for anything that happened in the past. I just realized that to have any relationship with him, I had to take him for who he is, and not who I wish he could be. I'm at a stage in life where I don't "need" him anymore, and so I don't take him personally the way I did in the past.

FWIW, he's on his best behavior when it comes to anything wedding-related. It's like he's trying to make up for lost time.

*And that's just my story, I'm not suggesting you would regret your decision. Only you know what's best for you.

I'm in a similar situation. I will not be inviting my father or anyone from his side of the family. He made the choice to walk out and disappear from my life. I have spoken to him once on the phone since he has left but haven't seen him in 7ish years. I have tried to make some kind of relationship with him but he is not the dad I had when I was younger. When he flew over the cuckoos nest he flew into a brick wall or something LOL. It sucks and I miss him, would love to have him walk me down the aisle. But he made his choices and I am making mine not to allow him the opportunity to ruin this very special day. Just my 2 cents

I just met my father 2 years ago and we barely even talk so i refuse to invite him or the family. My whole family to invite them. But an open bar can lead to some nasty words from what i know of. So I would think about the pros and cons before deciding

I have not spoken to my Mother in several years and she will not be invited to our wedding. I am inviting her siblings and their families to the wedding and I expect a lot of questions about her not being included, but I am not making any apologies or explanations to anyone because it is my relationship with her and nobody else's.

I've decided that it's our wedding and I do not want to spend one minute of one of the most important and happiest days of my life worrying or stressing about what may or may not happen.

Don't let anyone pressure you into inviting anyone you do not WANT to share the day with. It is your day not theirs. You should be surrounded with the people who make you smile and happy not people who may cause problems and you do not care to see or speak to anyway.

Thank you everyone for your great advice.

@Karen S., you're advice really got me thinking. I realized that if I invited and he was on his absolute best behavior and everything went off without a hitch, I'd still feel uncomfortable with him there and worried/stressed something will eventually blow up.

@Tammy M. Even though I proably won't invite him to the wedding, because I don't think 5 years of not speaking to each other can be fixed in 4 months, I like your suggestion of meeting him. It may get things rolling whre he can eventually be a small part of my lift again.