If a cash bar is unacceptable, what do you suggest people do instead?

I think so many people assume that if you can't afford to host a bar than you must be spending that money on other extravagances instead. There are people out there who financially just cannot afford to host a bar and probably can't afford much else either. The point of the wedding is to marry the love of your life. That's it. The rest is extra. It shouldn't come down to either provide a full hosted bar or don't have people at your wedding. There was a point in my life where I probably couldn't even afford to host a bar for 20 people. Doesn't mean I shouldn't have had them there simply because of alcohol. Ever since I joined WW it's basically alcohol or nothing and i find that quite sad.

Mrsbigtexas, it is absolutely stupid to host a wedding if you cannot afford "much else either". An extravagant wedding is not a necessity- it is the extra you referred to. Courthouse weddings are beautiful and much more cost effective.

It really all boils down to money; it always does. If you don't have it, you don't throw a gigantic party with a missing part.

What I find weird (well, I find many things weird, but thats another thread) is people who skimp on everything possible to invite a large group of people and very often spend seconds (or no time at all) interacting with them. And complaining about how long table visits/receiving lines take, how long thank you notes take; all aspects of good hosting. Just what is the point in inviting eveyone you know to a party where they will be semi-hosted and not even spend any meaningful time with the couple? If they show up, bring a gift, pay for a glass of wine, does that qualify as 'celebrating with you"? I personally don't think it does. Of course the point of a wedding is to marry the love of your life; the point of a reception is to graciously host and spend time with people you love. In a way you can afford.

I can't believe no one has referred to skunk canyon again. Thank you Delphina for that image lol

I'm having a 4 hour

hornblower cruise wedding it's a brunch cruise, so there will be unlimited champagne, juices and soda and

coffee and tea.

A dry wedding is the alternative. I don't think it's ever acceptable to have a cash bar. I get so annoyed when I go to someone's wedding and have to pay. Want to park? That'll be $7. Want to drink? That'll be $10. It annoys the heck out of me. I'd rather just go to a dry reception, eat, speak to the bride and groom and leave.

Just beer and wine? Invite fewer guests?

What perfect timing! I just came across this article and am impressed that The Knot agrees that all these things are bad (if only everywhere else understood!):

https://www.theknot.com/content/things-couples-should-never-do-to-their-wedding-guests?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=brandpost

This is what the article suggests:

"If a full open bar isn't in your budget, no problem: Serve beer, wine and a signature cocktail instead, or just beer and wine—any kind of selection of spirits will do. (If you have to scrap your favor budget to accomodate this, that's fine—there's no rule that says you have to give your guests a favor.)"

And I agree... Cut the guest list, cut the other unnecessary items (save the dates, favors, have less decor, have less flowers, etc.), choose an "off" day like a Friday or Sunday, etc.

We are having a byob wedding venue so that way we can purchase all alcohol from our local Total Wine because they allow us to return any unopened bottles. Luckily, about half our our guests are kids or elderly people who won't be drinking, so that cut costs a little. We are doing beer, wine, two or three signature drinks, and Jell-O shots. For 150 guests. For under $1000. It can be done. If you can't have an open bar have beer and wine. You don't have to have the lost expensive import or craft beer or a $200 bottle of wine. But provide something. I wouldn't want to dance or stay if there wasn't alcohol. If I find a babysitter and shave my legs for your event, I need alcohol lol

Mrsbigtexas--my FH and I don't make a ton and after providing for his daughter, we don't have much extra. But we are saving a ton and I even started couponing and shopping at places like winco and aldi to save on groceries. I also started doing a side job so we could have more money to put towards the wedding. But lillybean is right hat if you can't afford much else, having a big wedding doesn't make sense. That's like saying I can't really afford groceries but I'm going to buy a car even though I can bike to work. The wedding is the car. You don't have to have a big fancy thing. Have a bike--a courthouse wedding or an elopement. I understand wanting to celebrate with your family, then maybe push back your date.

UO: I'd be more upset if my cousin (or other family member) didn't invite me to their wedding at all because they were having an open bar than if I was invited but had to pay for my own drinks.

I live in Central Illinois and it's very, very common for the host to just provide beer and wine and maybe a signature drink, BUT still have a cash bar for those that want something else. I am hosting beer, wine, and a signature cocktail. Haven't decided on if I want that to be it or to offer a cash bar for those that want something else.

I'm trying to save for an open bar, but my venue ONLY allows for a consumption bar and tbh, that scares the shit out of me. Because I'll have no idea what the tab will look like. And at $6-9/drink, that's kind of scary. We're buying enough kegs for 2 types of beer, lots of wine bottles, and having our bartender pre-make a signature cocktail that will cost us $7/drink. But having a completely open consumption bar scares me.

Like, if our tab was $7k, we simply could not afford that. If we paid per person up front, I'd be more than willing to have a completely open bar. But since our venue only does it by consumption, I can't risk it.

Honestly I would be more offended by not being invited to a close friends wedding than I would be by a cash bar. As you can see, most people on here don't agree. I guess if your friends can't afford to have open bar then they should really just elope. Who wants to have a wedding with non of their friends there?? My friends added up to about 80 people. Yes those are all my nearest and dearest been friends for 20 years. If I couldn't afford to host them all I would have just eloped.

Our venue actually doesn't even do open unlimited (I think they're worried about people loading up then driving, or maybe inability to fulfill the bill? Dunno) - we pay up front for wine & beer for guests for X number of hours, depending on how long the reception is - first hour is around $20 per person, then each subsequent hour is less. So that's an option, depending on venue.

I'm doing beer and wine with two signature liquor drinks.

@mmvrake28- I know the feeling!! Our venue only offered consumption as well. We brought our own wine but paid $18 per bottle for corkage fee. I put $5k down on open bar and basically just hoped it was enough. We also did 3 signature drinks that totaled almost $3k. In the end we didn't hit the $5k mark on the open bar. Thank goodness!! But yeah it was super expensive and pretty stressful throughout the evening. I went up to the bar 2 different times and asked where we were with the total. HaHa!

We couldn't afford a "real" open bar so we did a modified open bar and everyone loved it. We did 3 signature drinks, 2 signature shots, three wines, and two beers. There are tons of ways to make a reception affordable without forcing your guests to subsidize your dream. You don't get to host poorly because you trolled a forum for "good" excuses.

If a couple lost their jobs or received a diagnosis for an illness I'd recommend just postponing the wedding. A wedding is not a necessity.

As I always say: to each their own. If I went to a cash bar wedding, I wouldn't stay. I don't think its rude necessarily, but don't expect people to pay to spend the day with you. To answer your question, I don't really think there is a valid excuse for having a cash bar. You can push the date back, invite fewer people, everything everyone else said. Now if you lose a job mid wedding planning and invites were already sent, cut costs elsewhere; guests don't care about what flowers you have, pretty signs, or what designer your dress is. They care about the service provided at the wedding. Bar isn't even an expensive part of a wedding IMO.

@Kelsey, cutting the guest list is ALWAYS an option. Always. Unless it is a private elopement of just you and your future spouse, you can literally always cut the guest list. It may not be your preference, but it can be done.

Look, it comes down to this: marriage is a human right, but a wedding is a luxury item. If you can't afford one and nobody wants to pay the bill on your behalf, you don't get a wedding. It's an optional party. The universe does not owe you an optional party. I want a vacation home in Europe. But guess what? I can't afford it. So I don't have it.

Sure, weddings can be expensive. That doesn't entitle you to treat your guests poorly. Having the wedding you can afford means managing money, time, and guest list in such a way that you are prepared to properly host the people you invite. If money is scarce you have four broad options: wait longer to get married so you have more time to save up, invite fewer people to keep costs down, cut frivolous things that don't affect the guest experience like dress/floral/favors/etc, or find ways to make more money. You can do any combination of those things.

What you can't do is charge your guests money. You can't charge them for their chairs or their napkins or their steak OR THEIR DRINKS. There is nothing unique about alcoholic beverages that would make it okay to charge guests for them.

I am with the UO on this one as well.

If we didn't host a wedding and just eloped our family would be PISSED.

I would rather be at a cash bar wedding then miss out on sharing a day with my nearest and dearest.

I actually think destination weddings are much more rude, but that's another topic.

@StPaulGal - If I have someone over for dinner, I do not have alcohol there, why would this be any different?