If a cash bar is unacceptable, what do you suggest people do instead?

I really don't get what you were looking for here. Cash bar posts always have the same helpful advice for people struggling financially: smaller guest list, push the wedding back, cut costs elsewhere, beer/wine only, in a pinch do cake and punch. If you've been reading those posts, you know what the advice given is.

Why did you think this particular post would somehow get magical better advice that would make the hypothetical invisible lurkers feel better?

Good morning, Del.

As I said, I don't feel that the posts have been positive or helpful overall. Maybe you feel differently, or maybe I'm completely wrong. I don't claim to have magic, just trying to steer the conversation towards more specific circumstances. There are people who have cash bars and live to tell the tale. Their friends and family are still friends and family and people have a good time. Not trying to encourage a cash bar. I agree with some of the suggestions here to cut other things, but I do think that there are circumstances when a cash bar would be acceptable, and I don't think it's an easy choice for some people.

Yeah, a cash bar isn't going to kill anyone. Neither is a bad smell at a reception, uncomfortable seating or a mumbling officiant. But they aren't desirable, and there's no way to make them desirable. People aren't asking how to make sure their guests survive the experience of their weddings; they're asking how to make them the most fun they can possibly be. For most people, that includes free drinks.

There's really no advice that can make a bad smell something you WANT. Same with a cash bar. If I posted that my wedding is in Skunk Canyon, how can I make everyone okay with that, the ultimate answer is going to be that it just isn't. And some people are going to complain behind my back, even if Skunk Canyon was the only place I could afford that could seat 100 people. And everyone would be wondering why I didn't just invite 50 people and get a skunkless place.

You're not going to burst into flames for having a cash bar. You won't lose friends over it. Some people won't bat an eye. But there are others that may be very etiquette-oriented that will change their opinion of you. A long while back, like mid 90's, a cousin of mine (much older, my mom is youngest of many children) had a cash bar at her wedding. I remember people talking about it back then. They still talk about it now. Granted, lots of my family are assholes that talk about each other behind their backs anyway, but this is apparently a huge deal to them. After about 10 years, someone finally said to my cousin's face how obnoxiously rude it was for her to make people pay for a glass of wine at the wedding she "just had to have and not host properly". Now they can all laugh about it but she still never hears the end of it.

If you truly give no shits about doing this one generous thing for your guests, then don't do it. You obviously aren't changing your mind a week out anyway. But as other arguments have made many many times before, it's like inviting people to your home for a dinner party, asking if they'd like a beer, then saying "that'll be $4 please". It's plain rude. There shouldn't need to be any further explaining than "It's just plain rude".

I agree with cut the guest list or do beer and wine and signature drinks. If someone cannot afford to liquor their guests all night, they've invited too many people.

Also OP, you might be surprised with your consumption price. I'm in MA as well. We chose consumption for 112 guests, and we only ended up paying $2900 instead of the $4400 open bar would have been. How Many guests are you inviting?

Cut the guest list & no unnecessary expenses. Think of needs vs wants. Provide beer & wine atleast or do cake/punch reception. Do not make or expect guests to pay a penny

I was in a wedding last weekend with NO alcohol. Not even a cash bar, just none. If someone does that, plan a shorter reception, be prepared for people to leave early (60+% of the guests left within 3 hours of ceremony start, before the cake was even cut) and don't get mad when people have flasks/provide a good mixer.

I work in the recovery field - for those of you saying "an alcoholic family member is no reason to have a dry wedding", I challenge you to take a step back and think about it. During your wedding day, do you want to be thinking in the back of your mind that my mom/dad/brother/sister could relapse right now? Or have the guilt associated with them relapsing at your big day? All because it's "unacceptable" to have a dry wedding.

At the end of the day, you have to do what's right for you and your loved ones. If all of your other celebrations are dry because of a family member in recovery, I would support you in having a dry wedding.

You guys keep saying the only time a dry wedding is acceptable is when you're having a cake and punch reception lol we simply looked at our guest list and realized we would probably be the only ones drinking LMBO so decided no alcohol. Why waste the money when we know the guest would prefer other things? I think it all just depends on where you're at and whose coming. In my area dry weddings, cash bars, and consumption bars are the only things I have ever seen. It is what the people around here accept as proper etiquette for a wedding reception. So I think people should realize situations, locations, etc. All vary tremendously. :-) this whole proper wedding etiquette thing can even vary by the state here in the U.S. I find it amazing and brilliant :-)

@Olivia we dont want to actually drink at the wedding, if we did that was our thought on how to go. It would be a waste though. We just want to have fun and enjoy the time with our families :-) we have a lot more fun sober anyways. we are a bunch of crazy dancing fools lol

If someone lost their job and are still planning the same wedding that they were before they lost their job, then their priorities are seriously out of whack. They would need to either cut the guest list to bare bones (parents, grandparents, and siblings only) or postpone and wait until they get another job so their finances aren't negatively affected by throwing a party.

There's no excuse for poor hosting.

Guests should be provided something to drink...doesn't have to be alcohol. UO; but if alcohol expense was too much, I would rather attend a dry or partially hosted bar. The dry wedding isn't going to have the party vibe n the couple needs to know that. I've only heard of weddings where the guests had to pay for everything, including soda...that would be one I'd decline (unless I was super close to the couple) or I wouldn't stay long.

I haven't read all of the comments; but is it too late for the couple to revisit the guest list or change up the wedding to be a cake/punch type instead of a sit down dinner?!?

@ambrok it's a hypothetical situation, so ...no, maybe it's not too late!

Yeah there are people who have dry weddings for financial reasons and they "live to tell the tale" and their family is still family, and their friends are still friends, but how someone hosts their wedding can change how people feel about you. We've attended two weddings in the last year or so that were so badly hosted that it completely changed how we think about the couple and we will never go out of our way for either of them again. One was a Sunday wedding where they mostly ignored the guests, there was a massive gap between the ceremony and reception that left people dressed up with nothing to do, and then the bride drank too much and was vomiting in the bathroom so they left their own reception before cake was served. I had to work the next day so took a train home in the middle of the night. The other was a destination wedding that we spent tons of money attending where they also ignored their guests, and there were definitely grumblings when we realized they cut the open bar off after cocktail hour even though the couple didn't even arrive and dinner wasn't even served for another 45 minutes. When people are rude and self-centered, their guests tolerate it, but it paints the couple in a really bad light, and it's the kind of thing people will remember about you.

@ FutureMrsBoo Ignoring guests, vomiting at your own wedding , and making people wait long periods of time to eat are way more egregious than a cash bar.

@Olivia Well to each their own. I personally don't care if you think following the proper etiquette in my area is a "poor excuse" because it's my wedding and my family :-) but thank you for your input! :-) we aren't not serving alcohol for financial reasons though. It is just because no one drinks in our families. Doesn't mean a party wont be a party and we have everything else for the guests planned out so I know we will be considered very gracious hosts :-)

Gotcha @Erin (read your other comments).

IDK...I've been on WW for almost a yr now & no one has still been able to convince me that a dry or partially hosted wedding is unacceptable. The reasons are given, I read them, I understand them; but just have an UO, I feel that as long as you are provide some type of beverages, you are still hosting. I think 99% of us would agree that a full/open bar is the best; but seriously, I would never look down on a couple that didn't have a that or didn't provide alcohol at all.

I've never been to an open bar wedding in my family/circle of friends. It's a nice surprise but no on expects it. I am offering signature drinks and rest is cash. I have talked to multiple family and friend asking about my decision and none of them questioned it because that's what they did do. No one in my family or friends will leave early/not drink/complain about having to pay for their drinks. I myself don't even mind a cash bar because I know how much it costs and it's crazy. No I am not justifying my cash bar decision it is fine to me and no one on the internet is paying for my wedding. You say cut the guest list well having an open bar is basically double my cost. So I will have a good time at my cash bar wedding and so will my guests.

I'm with future. Alcohol of some type should be part of the original budget, not something that you add on IF you have the money. Then you base your guest list from that.

Same rationales. Most of them bogus.

Since cutting the guest list IS NOT an option for everyone, the best thing to do is have a longer engagement so you can save what you need for an open bar (even if it's a limited bar).