I hope I was not just a selfish bride...

When FH told me this, I was actually pretty stunned. As a bride, I would never ever ask another bride this. I understand that my wedding day is the day I get… but the day before will be our rehearsal, and the day after, we will be mending our hangovers, as will our guests, packing for our honeymoon, spending time with our OOT guests and family members, and doing normal day after wedding stuff. If they have their reception the day before, a large chunk of our wedding party (who will be invited to both our wedding and their reception) will not be able to attend either the rehearsal dinner or their reception), and if they have it the day after, I am scared people will want to leave early thinking “well, we have another wedding to go to tomorrow, we better head out!” Our guest lists overlap quite extensively… this guy has been a friend of FH’s for YEARS, and is a family friend as well.

I was just pretty hurt and I hated being put in this position. FH and I talked and decided we were going to just tell them all the reasons it was undesirable for us that they have their reception either the day before or after, without flat out saying “No!” FH called Tim back and explained that we were not super thrilled with the idea for the above reasons, and hoped they could understand. They were very cool about it, and in the end, it turned out ok. I just felt like a huge asshat being put in a spot where I had to tell another bride “NO you can’t have your wedding because of ME!”

I hope I was not in the wrong here… I just feel like crap about it all…

I understand your frustration - but I don't think they were doing it intentionally to piss you off. I would've said no to the day before, but I probably would've been ok with the day after - keep in mind, I wouldn't go, but I can't control the social lives of my guests.

Regardless, it's a ballsy move on their point, but the convenience factor of the guests probably weighed heavy in their decision to ask.

I 100% would have felt the same way, and made the same decision.

At least they ASKED. That was a considerate thing to do.

You did the right thing and handle it very well. You are not selfish at all so don't worry about it.

I see the logic that they were thinking of. At least they're asking you, don't be offended. You guys did the right thing. I don't think you're a bridezilla, but seriously don't dwell on this... get over it.

I actually kinda get both sides. question is the friends family almost all from MN or close or will they be coming into MN along with your family? If they are almost all in MN I would say they were in the wrong to ask. Just for the logistics of the family would not have to worry too much about travel and not making it. Now if they are coming from out of state I could kinda see it just for the fact that most people can't travel that often for work or just for monetary reasons. This is something for you to think about, if they would have thiers first (seperate date) would those traveling guests go to both weddings? If not would talking to them about maybe doing an early afternoon reception work for the day before yours?

No I mean, I obviously get the logic, I am an extremely logical person. Yeah, it totally makes sense!

They have a lot of family here, and obviously friends will be in one central area for our wedding. But a lot of friends are in Minnesota already.

I know they did not mean to offend us, and I am definitely glad they asked. I was just like... WHOA. I hate being a "bad guy".

You are totally justified! I would tell them your reasons and i'm sure they will understand and they might even be embarrassed that they didn't take those things into consideration. I'm sure it was a "thinking out loud" type of thing, at least I hope so.

I would hate being in that position too! I'm glad you were able to explain to them reasonably and not just blow up. I feel like I would have been a little more dramatic in the moment and it sounds like you kept your cool!

I understand not wanting it the day before (rehearsal, last minute details, etc) but the day after really wouldn't have been a big deal to me. Nobody is going to leave your wedding early because someone else is having a reception the next day. Nobody would do that. Unless they were planning on having their reception really early in the morning, say 9 am. But I bet they would have theirs in the late afternoon/evening and it would have been just fine. You guys can still pack for your honeymoon and visit with OOT guests the next day anyway- just tell your friends that you can come to their reception for a few hours, but will need to leave early in order to pack and visit with OOT guests.

I understand where you are coming from, and it's really easy to become completely consumed with your own wedding...but I think it was kinda overboard to claim all three days as "yours."

What a bad position to be in! I'm glad it worked out OK! I would have felt the same way.

I am always the odd one out on this type of issue - I offered to share our date with a cousin when they were contemplating the same date (we set ours months before they were even engaged) in the area- as most of our OOT family would be there for the weekend already. They declined and eloped having a reception in a couple weeks, because his Now wife didn't want to split the attention.

What if your guests' kids had a baseball tournament that weekend and they left early so they could travel the next day, or had another event period they had to leave early for. would you be upset or happy they made it to celebrate at all?

I assume you are inviting fully grown people who are capable of managing their time between two events the same weekend. Make a big weekend of it with them instead of feeling so competitive. I believe firmly in perspective is everything.

I understand where you are coming from @Jet, but I don't think my perspective is being "competitive". Selfish- yeah, probably. But not competitive, as I am not trying to make this about "who can have a better wedding." I just want to make sure that my guests and myself have the best time and don't feel rushed or pulled in different directions.

I can see both sides, but I think you handled it well. My FH and I actually started planning our wedding before we were technically engaged. Long story short, FH ran into some hiccups getting my ring... so I knew we were getting engaged, just didn't know when so we started looking around for venues and dates. We wanted to get married on our anniversary (6/14) but all the venues in the area were already booked up so we settled on 6/28 as it was still close to our anniversary and I always wanted to be a June bride. We didn't tell our family (didn't want to sound crazy since we weren't even engaged) and in the time it took us to get engaged, my cousin got engaged and set her wedding date for 6/21!

Once we officially got engaged, I asked my family if they were ok going to weddings 2 weekends in a row and everyone was super supportive.

Then, 4 or 5 months later my other cousin got engaged too. Without asking anyone she set her date for 7/5, one week after my wedding! Their wedding is out of town and my family was very annoyed.

Now they have 3 weddings to go to 3 weekends in a row! No one has really said anything to any of the brides but I know it's a financial strain (3 showers-and my aunts helped throw mine and my cousins' who lives in town, 3 weddings to take off work for and the gifts) I feel really bad and wish my cousin getting married on 7/5 would've at least asked or taken the situation into account before booking hers.

I don't care about their weddings being close to mine, but I just hope my family doesn't hate us after this!

I see your point and would feel the same way. But I would be thankful that they at least asked. They considered your feelings and I'm sure the convenience was heavy on their mind but it wasn't heavy enough that they decided without asking you first. So I think they didn't mean any harm.

I think I would be okay if they planned the reception the evening after, but would not be okay if it was before. If anything, that would be more time for you to party up with your guests from your wedding at theirs. I see it as a plus.

But you are NOT selfish for feeling this way. I'm sure they just wanted to make sure.

I always thought I would be super chill about stuff like this. If it were the weekend before or after I would definitely be like, yeah for sure! Because, logistically it totally makes sense. But the day right before and right after... ahhh it just hit a nerve! I am glad I was not too off with my feelings, here. I was extremely happy they talked to us (rather than just planning like some of you guys have talked about... that would have been awful... )

I totally see where you are coming from, and no you are not in the wrong.

It is funny though because in my family, over the years it has been a "thing" to throw a family reunion the day after a wedding...As in if a wedding is on Saturday, the family reunion will be at like noon on Sunday. I already told the whole family that this is entirely ridiculous because it puts GUESTS in a predicament - do they stay for the wedding, or leave early and try to squeeze in an hour at a "reunion" before they have to leave the state? The whole idea I think is so out there because it does hamper the relaxation of the guests and prevents them from having a good time if they need to leave and rest up in order to prepare for a reunion the following day.

I think you handled it perfectly well. Obviously, they were asking to see if you would mind, so if you told them you did, they were obviously prepared for that answer and therefore another plan for their reception. I think they were just thinking logistically, trying to save people extra travel and make it easier. Since your wedding (which they are involved in) is already planned, I think it IS your weekend. Don't feel selfish about that.

I'm glad FH talked to you about it prior to make the decision. As I was reading I started getting pissed but it all ended well and you handled it perfectly.