i feel like I’m begging people to attend

So sorry love. I didn't even want to risk this happening so my FH and I decided to elope

Even without covid, it is actually quite common that a lot of people who talk about a wedding as though they are interested, are interested in hearing about it, not going to it. TV and wedding sites would have you think everyone wants to go to weddings. Often not true. If you do not have a big family, and you rarely entertain other people in ways other than going out to restaurants or clubs, depending on how social you are, it is often a big disappointment to find only 5 couples of your 20-30 friend groups possible will actually come to your wedding, in addition to family. Many people greatly over-invite.
I know a lot of people who have only been invited to 2-4 weddings in 10 years, with not very large families, who invite 150 non-family. Half of them do not have 75 guests beyond families come, and fewer as they get older if they do not have kids. Others who entertain a lot, even cookout and bridge party style, and who are in a lot of social groups, or a church, may themselves be invited to 5-7 weddings each year. And large numbers attend theirs. Almost half of weddings used to be sized to fit in a home or small local setting, or be at a church with no buffet or meal, just an hour with cake and punch. And almost everyone got married, younger, before school friends spread to the winds. More and more do full receptions with meals and dancing, only to find that outside of family, the same 20-30 friends who would have come to a home, are still all who come to a venue. The wedding industry has this fantasy in ads: everyone really wants to come to your wedding, every bride gets 3 parties, everyone is more popular than ever in their lives, when they marry. But it is a fantasy.
Don't think it is aimed at you. This is the reality for more people than you. think. I work some catering, primarily cooking breads and deserts and specialty items . At several catering operations who mostly operate out of Inns and ski areas off season. Two weeks before the wedding I really know if they need an additional cook. Usually not. But sometimes people don't have 40-60 less than they thought, have the whole number, and I am needed. But with great frequency, people have overestimated greatly, so that I am considered backup, for those limited occasions when everyone shows. People over-invite. And they greatly overestimate who travels far for a wedding. It is terribly hard when it is you.

I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. We’ve had some decline even though we sent out the STDs with plenty of time to attend. My brother declined, stating he had other plans that came up. Really? I’m just rolling with it, what else can I do??

My wedding was pushed back two years. I know how you feel. My wedding was pushed back because in 2019 when we were supposed to get married. What would have become my 10 year old step daughter was diagnosed with brain cancer that February and died November the same year it was hard and it was my fiance'sonly child. Most of the people who attended her funeral was classmates and strangers. Some family members, and a few friends. A stranger told me that people make time for what is important to them. Because of that, we are only inviting the people that we know will attend, the ones who supported us when our baby passed, and the ones who werent there but offered a helping hand. Save yourself some money and Invite those who have your best interest at heart and wouldn't miss it for the world, because in the end it's about you and your mate. It's your day and you only live once. Enjoy it and put your wedding behind you.

Unfortunately not everyone actually wants to attend. Wedding tv lies. Invite the people you can't imagine the day without and leave it at that.

Hi Kelli - I'm so sorry to hear about all this! I'm sure that many of your guests are excited to attend! I recommend that you send out the invites, but don't be worried about people declining the invite. The wedding will happen whether they're able to join or not, and it'll be a beautiful day regardless. If they accept, awesome! It'll be great for you to celebrate with them. If not, no worries! They can look at the pictures/video later if they're interested. It looks like there's still a bit of time before you need to send out invites, so people might feel more excited a little closer to your date. I wouldn't stress over how many people are attending/not attending, and instead focus on finalizing your plans for the day, and celebrate with those who can attend.

If people are saying “I’m not sure if I can attend because...” they may just be using it as an excuse to stall and see how covid cases are closer to your date to gauge how comfortable they are at that time. Even with venues following safety restrictions, a lot of people still won’t feel comfortable attending an event. Also, when having weddings on Fridays (or any week day), you should always expect a higher decline rate. A lot of people don’t want to have to take off work/leave work early for weddings unless it is a best friend or super close relative (and sometimes not even then). All you can do is stop wasting time and energy stressing about it, and just commit to having fun on your wedding day with whoever is able to attend.

Your wedding is not until July. It's perfectly normal for people to not know yet whether they will be able to attend or get time off work, no matter how long they've known about the event. I couldn't tell you now whether or not I would be able to attend a wedding in July, especially a weekday wedding that starts at 5 pm. That's why invitations aren't supposed to be sent until 6-8 weeks before an event, with RSVPs due 2-4 weeks before an event. That's a reasonable timeframe to expect people to find out whether they can attend or not. Don't worry about whether or not they will attend at this point, just figure out who you want to be there and put them on your to-be-invited list.

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Agree with this. Wedding tv has given brides unrealistic expectations and the idea that people will be offended if they aren't invited and must be invited out of obligation stems from that. Toss that idea out the window and you will not be as disappointed if someone declines.

We were nervous when we were initially planning for 9/2020 that too many people were gonna come and our bill was gonna be high. We were hoping only our minimum would come haha now it looks like we'll prob be way under our minimum and still end up paying for that 90. At this point, don't know if you feel the same, but after postponing I don't care who comes. I know the people who matter the most and even if only 20 come and we pay for 90 it is what it is and I still get to wear my dress and marry my man. I mean the venue wasn't going to give us our money back either way to just trying to roll with it.

Are most of your guests local? I think Friday weddings tend to have lower attendance rates since technically it’s still a work day and would require that some people leave work a little early in order to change clothes and drive during rush hour traffic to make that 5pm ceremony. Most probably don’t know if they’ll be able to get that time off yet or if they can afford to do so considering everything go on in the world these days.

View Quoted Comment Also the idea that people ot extremely well off will ju.p pn a plain for all family or close friend weddings. Some will do it while young and single. Fewer later.
An oft repeated statement that is wrong: when people make things really hard for some guests, "If they want to be there they will find a way." No, very often people who very much want to be there, can't. It is quite common for siblings and parents as well as friends to miss weddings when they want to come, due to time and place, and their own finances, health, time off work, and responsibilities toward other people.

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Every Friday wedding I have attended has had a huge turnout because guests use the wedding to kick off the weekend. Between the save the date and invite, guests have advance notice to schedule time off and make preparations. Those who do accept Friday invites often take the whole day off.

View Quoted Comment Sure, but considering this past year, a lot of people have lost their jobs, getting hours cut or unsure of their status at work, many are reluctant to take time off (possibly losing income) to attend a wedding.


I have also had a different experience than you— I live in Southern California where we have notoriously bad traffic. Every Friday wedding I’ve attended had a lower turnout than a Saturday wedding as well as had many people arriving late.

This has literally been my main source of stress for the last week! I have been off the forums for so long it didn’t occur to me to see if someone could relate!


I have had to track down my guests sooner than expected because of my vendors’ deadlines. My florist told me 30 days would be enough during a normal year, but with covid and all the hoops she has to go through, she needed 60 days. I completely understood.
Now, we moved the recently imposed new deadline from March 25th to February 28th. Most guests gave us their email (so glad I asked for it originally), so I could bcc them on an email. A few people did drop, but some have completely ghosted us.
How rude can people be?! Planning and postponing during a pandemic is awful, have a little compassion, people! We also got a terrible response via our pre-stamped rsvp cards, and we sent a save the date magnet and two invitations.
Sorry for the long post, but it feels good to share with those who can relate

View Quoted Comment Thank you for saying this. I myself have been a little down about not having an engagement party or bridal shower. And as far as a bachelorette party I’ll probably do something small. But even that is hard to get people on board. Many friends have young kids/babies. Most my bridal party didn’t go dress shopping with me. I also had a friend tell me something along the lines of “why even pay for all this stuff if people don’t even care to come? Just go down to the courthouse”. I just said the wedding is about celebrating my relationship. It’s not about celebrating the people in my life. Even if they are less than ideal. I also say oh well if people don’t come it’s saving me money. But they better let me know ahead of time. I’m thinking about literally printing something along those lines on the invites LOL.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for saying this! This is exactly what I was thinking and people have definitely had enough time to ask for even half that day off. It’s a free $130 dinner and free drinks.. I would think people would look forward to having that to start the weekend with if not there to even celebrate us 🤷🏼‍♀️

View Quoted Comment I haven’t related to someone so much as this! I even told my bridesmaids that I would organize the bachelorette party but it’s been radio silence when I bring it up. My fiancé is the most sad because the people that are coming up with excuses are his family (including his mom) and his groomsmen. We kept our guest list so small and only invited people we thought would come for sure so I guess it hurts a little worse. My friends/family also have kids and we don’t do that already kind of has me out on the sidelines. I cannot believe a friend would tell you something like that.. and not to be mean, but that’s not a very nice friend. I don’t know you but in a friend capacity I will tell you this: your wedding will be so beautiful and you deserve to have people celebrate you for the most important day of your life. If people don’t show up or make you feel bad, just do what I plan on doing which is getting myself pretty, looking at myself in the mirror and toasting my dang self. I really hope for both of us that people will come around.. because no matter what others say, it really hurts when people don’t care enough to come celebrate the biggest day of our lives even when free stuff is involved and they’ve had two years to plan

View Quoted Comment I just can’t get my head around the same excuses we’ve gotten from family. I figured giving everyone SO MUCH time would help them out but it hasn’t done a thing. I just gotta roll with it too or else I’m gonna drive myself away from caring which I’ve spent too much time planning this thing for that to happen. I hope everything turns out ideally for you and no matter what, your wedding will be beautiful!

View Quoted Comment That’s a good idea and if I hadn’t already spent thousands of dollars that I can’t get back, I would elope in a heart beat