i feel like I’m begging people to attend

View Quoted Comment This is brilliantly stated. Tv and movies give people such false expectations of how magical and packed weddings are supposed to be. That people go out of their way to be there for you and set up parties or events or whatever with you.. and it just isn’t the case. I hate that I let my expectations get up because this is exactly why I’m feeling this way. I think at the end of the day, if people aren’t willing to come even if just for the free expensive meal and free drinks, than I shouldn’t worry about them and focus on the few that care enough to come. Our list is so small as it is.. we made sure to only invite the people we thought for sure would come and even that is flopping. My poor fiancé though.. he’s struggling just to get his own family and groomsmen to come. His aunt is saying they don’t want to come because we are rude for not inviting his whole family and kids even though he doesn’t know most of them and with the time, venue, and open bar, we’ve opted to make it a kid free wedding. Not to mention, it’s $130 a head and we’re paying for this all on our own and can’t afford to just invite everybody. I just need to accept things for however they end up

DO NOT beg people to go. The ones who want to come will come, NO MATTER the reason. I know how you feel. I was a bridesmaid in 4 weddings and none of the bride are attending my wedding after everything I’ve done for them so I am cutting ties with them. The reason why is all their excuses is bogus. The first friend excuse is “I might be pregnant” and don’t know how I can drive to your wedding. Okay, my wedding is in 2 months and you’re not pregnant most people work and drive to third trimester. I had no problems driving 6 hrs to her wedding and she works at a nail salon so I don’t want to hear coronavirus excuses!!! The second friend said I’m schedule to work even rhough I gave her 90 days notice. And she asked if “I thought it was a good idea to have a wedding during a pandemic?”. Well it was okay for her sister to have a wedding in December but not me in April? Her sister is the “I might be pregnant” girl. Third friend is pregnant and is due around my wedding so I’m not mad at her but I am mad that she pulled the corona card too BUT she was totally comfortable with having a baby shower last Friday with over 30 people? Ummm okay. Last friend has a birthday party to go too. Okay....not like birthdays are every year vs a wedding is one time. These girls had all sorts of excuses when it came to be my turn. None Of them reach out to to me either to throw me a bachelorette party, bridal shower or take me out to lunch even though I did all that for them. My point being, don’t beg anyone to come. If you’re really important to them they will be there, if not they will make excuses and maybe it’s time for your to re-evaluate having them in your life, that’s what I did. Some of these girls I knew since I was 6 and some since I was 12 but I don’t need them in my life if they think it’s ok to miss my wedding for a non legit reason. Your day will be amazing even if people don’t come because you’ll get to marry your best friend! Good luck and don’t let them bring you down, enjoy your wedding process!

Brides are in such a hard place right now and will be for quite a few more months. I had planned an entire destination wedding before covid and it happened to fall when covid was hitting the fan... but during the 10 months we had about 80 people tell us they would be there and can’t wait - when it all came down to it, we ended up having 50 guests booked. But then we transformed our international wedding into a domestic destination wedding and there were people in that city and state we chose that still had other priorities (even though they told us they couldn’t fly international, get work off etc. When it comes down to it, a lot of people don’t enjoy attending weddings lol and then throw in a pandemic. We declined a wedding in April as we feel an indoor wedding isn’t smart at the moment and frankly, we could care less. Also, typically, a Friday wedding is less popular; it would require us to at least take half a day off and then gifting which adds up to almost a thousand dollars. I’m sure you will get more responses closer to the date!

View Quoted Comment I am so terribly sorry to hear about your step daughter and what you guys went through with her loss.. I cannot imagine the stress you must be facing but I am grateful you shared your story with me to relate and for the advice you presented. I know your wedding will be so beautiful and perfect 💕

View Quoted Comment OMG! I’m so sorry your friends are acting this way. Reading this made me sad and forgot my own issue with my fiancé brother’s wife that has decided bot to attend after after across the country for her bachelorette and bridal shower, buying a $300 bridesmaids dress and flying again to her wedding. Honestly this sucks for all corona brides. Friendships will be ruined!!

I feel your struggle. We postponed a year and we had a lot of people ask when it was or say they forgot the new date when we mentioned it. We decided to send an email reminder since it had been some time from the postponement cards. Funny (sort of) Enough, we got replies of congrats on the engagement from a few people. It is frustrating but it seems like people have so many other things on their minds.

View Quoted Comment I can’t imagine how that made you feel with you doing all those things for her and then her just bailing on you. Doesn’t it just make you so upset? Like, people can call me overly sensitive all they want but it should be understandable how much it can hurt when you do so much for the ones you care about and do your best to give them time to plan and prepare so they can be there for you on your big day, and they just don’t care enough. And you are so true.. friendships and relationships with family members have shifted for sure. I’m so sorry you’re going through this too

View Quoted Comment Oh my gosh.. I feel like we are in the same exact boat. I’m a very empathetic and sympathetic person but some of the excuses I’m hearing are so bogus. It hurts me more than them just saying “I don’t want to come” because they’re excuses question my intelligence. I cannot believe your “friends” have done that to you and I’m so sorry. Honestly, you saw their true colors and you’re better off. I’ve spent most of my life giving 110% but when it comes to being there for me, no dice. It’s especially worse for my fiancé because it’s his family and groomsmen that are full of the awful excuses. It makes me so sad for him because knowing that most of our “friends” don’t care enough to be there is worse knowing that even family and members of the bridal party won’t even be there. I wish our venue wasn’t so fancy because I would just uninvite almost everyone and replace them with dogs and cats

View Quoted Comment I am so glad you shared your stresses with me because I truly feel less alone now. I mean, you’re so right.. it just takes a little bit of common decency and compassion to understand how hard we’ve been working on making this day our dream day and with having to post pone a whole year on top of it? I feel like we really deserve this day to be special but as another commenter mentioned, “people don’t care about weddings” and it was harsh but it’s so clear. These people have had over two years to plan and prepare and a whole year of pandemic prep but it’s like they got their save the date and RSVP and all of a sudden it’s like we’re asking too much from them. My venue is doing the same thing and I’m needing to move up my confirmation deadline and now need to create an assigned seating chart which means I really need to know whose coming but people can’t even take the time to respond or even just be honest. Ugh. You can always message me to so we can vent whenever needed!

View Quoted Comment From what I see, you had a great wedding turnout and maybe you had yours on a weekend but we couldn’t afford an extra $1850 to have ours on a Saturday. Our venue is in Colorado Springs and it’s close to everything so rush hour isn’t an issue. People wouldn’t have to take a whole day off, maybe two hours off early and to me, I would do that in a heartbeat if someone I cared about thought enough of me to invite me to their wedding. Our guest list is so curated and I’ve been letting everyone know with plenty of time so they can prepare and at least even ask to get off work early but to me, it’s disrespectful to just ignore me or not even try. Many people are our direct family members who have known about this for over two years and they should want to be there. I guess I just can’t relate to this sentiment because we too have faced job and income troubles but can’t cancel this wedding and if anything, people are getting an expensive meal and free drinks and I would hope that us going through our struggles to make this happen, people would care enough to try

View Quoted Comment Thanks, Kelli! You can vent to me, too lol I’m already legally married (we did the civil ceremony on our original date), so I’m not happy that the “dream” we hoped for is more like a nightmare.


My poor husband’s best man is basically dropping the ball on a bachelor party, and all my husband wants it to go to Top Golf!
And I agree with your other response...let’s just have cats and dogs instead 😂

I certainly wouldn't feel comfortable attending a wedding right now, even with a bunch of safety precautions. Unless the wedding was super small and it was a couple I was very close with and the event was outside, I probably wouldn't go. I was recently invited to a baby shower and my immediate reaction was anxiety. I felt better knowing that masks would be worn and there was a big outdoor pavilion that would be used, but still only RSVP'd yes after I figured out that the event itself would be exactly two weeks after my final vaccine shot.

I think people are likely making excuses in an attempt to downplay Covid concerns. Some may feel comfortable gathering in small groups but aren't willing to take the risk with people they don't know (your other guests), traveling, or any number of other factors. Some people may have lost jobs and financially be in a tough spot, or may not be able to find childcare during the pandemic. Whatever the reasons are, the person either attends your wedding or doesn't. I think you just need to stick with your RSVP deadline and celebrate with those who are willing to come. During non-Covid times I think the expectation is that roughly 15% will decline, so I wouldn't be surprised if that number is closer to 25-40% or more with a pandemic and so much uncertainty.

View Quoted Comment Thanks alot and well wishes to you both. Everything will work itself out.

View Quoted Comment We did have our on a Saturday. However, we still only had about 170-180 of our 290 invited come to our wedding. His godparents declined going because they just don’t like leaving their home state. One of our original groomsmen even backed out last minute because he double-booked and had a concert festival to go to in Mexico (he bought the tickets MONTHS AFTER knowing our wedding date). This was even pre-covid and gave them around 15 months notice.


We however knew that this was going to be a possibility since we were having a wedding in California (we live there) which would require most guests to need to travel and take time off.
I understand that a Saturday wedding may not be possible due to cost or availability, and I understand that it’s hurtful that some of the biggest offenders are your family and friends. However, given the difficult times we’re living in now, there are more reasons people are hesitant to go.
We spent over $200 a plate at our wedding and our welcome dinner alone was about $140 a plate. We had an additional cookout/pool party and after party. All with open bar. However, that wasn’t even enticing enough to get people to take days off from their work because there’s a good chance they didn’t have PTO or couldn’t afford to lose pay that day.
Pre-covid, my husband and I would probably be more inclined to attend weddings, but now considering I’m pregnant and we’re doing everything we can to self-isolate, we’ve turned down a few wedding invitations (local and ones that require traveling). However, we’ve made sure to explain it to the couple right away which doesn’t sound like your guests are doing. I think ignoring you is pretty rude.
Also to put into perspective, if my husband and I didn’t work in flexible sales jobs and had normal 9 to 5 jobs— if we had to take even 1/2 a day off, it would cost us over $500 in pay and whatever we would spend on a wedding gift. We absolutely would do this for our best friends and family, but I can understand why someone wouldn’t be able to swing this in certain situations.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. For us, it helped to think of it this way (because trust me— my husband was feeling hurt that friends were declining or being wishy-washy even though he had traveled across the country for their weddings): the people who care about/love us and want to be there, they will be there. Those who don’t, well they have their reasons which they may not feel comfortable about sharing with us and their loss. They’re missing out on the fun, but we’ll see them next time we’re in town.

View Quoted Comment I appreciate you sharing your experience with me.. it really does help to hear it from other perspectives because I don’t have anyone to talk to about any of this. I think it may sting so much because we didn’t invite many guests to begin with (pre-covid) and some of those original “yes’s” declined and out of those, only a few were honest and straightforward about why. But out of only roughly 50 people, those that are closest to us and whose events we’ve been there for, so many just aren’t being honest or messaging us back at all. So it was small and now it’s even smaller and with who will actually show up? I feel like I’m going to be so embarrassed when there’s tables set up that sit empty or the whole place ends up looking like a ghost town. I know that makes me sound so sensitive but as a previous commenter said, us women have high expectations for our weddings because of how TV and movies make us think they’re supposed to be and it’s just not the case in real life, which I have to accept. I will say, the ones that irritate me the most are the ones who have travelled to Mexico or Florida for week long vacations but say they can’t come because of covid fears/money/time off. Like, you’re our close friend and you’ve known about this for so long and you can warrant taking time off and spending and being out around a lot of people to go to Mexico and Florida but our wedding just isn’t on your list of todo’s

So sorry to hear you are experiencing this. My wedding is not for a while and I do plan to have it children free so I do suspect some people might not be able to attend for that reason on top of normal. I hear expect about 75% of guests to attend in a normal atmosphere. So we might over invite since our budget is not too limited to have a few more people attend.

You cant tell other people how to feel. If you choose to have a wedding in a pandemic, you have to respect people’s decisions. You can get married without other people there. We’re having ours but I am not forcing anyone to come because I understand most people still arent comfortable, and the ones giving other excuses probably just cant confront you to your face

View Quoted Comment People have different priorities and you can only control your decisions and actions. My husband and I attended a wedding in October. We took days off from work, flew to the east coast, paid for hotel accommodations, gave a gift, etc. We spent over $3k for a 4 day trip to DC. Then we had to quarantine for 2 weeks when we came back (we had also been quarantining before we left the trip). I won’t lie, I wasn’t even pregnant at the time and we were still nervous and paranoid the entire weekend! We would have never went through all that trouble if it wasn’t his sister’s wedding. It’s all really a personal decision for each individual and honestly, some people are just not ready to take that risk of being in a big social setting. I’m fine going on mini vacations with my husband where we’ll go to a restaurant with outdoor dining, but otherwise stay pretty isolated on a beach. However, a wedding right now is definitely not something we would do. It sucks and hopefully by the time your wedding rolls around people are a bit more comfortable with somewhat getting back to “normal”.


A month before your wedding, I would definitely follow up with anyone who doesn’t RSVP or is being sketchy. Get a firm answer from them. If they don’t answer, just mark them as a “no”. This will help avoid any extra tables/seatings. We did this and it was a pain, but we didn’t have a single “no show” the day of the wedding.
Also, don’t worry about a small wedding feeling like a “ghost town”. Some of my favorite weddings are small and intimate weddings! I feel like they’re so much more relaxed and fun. They also really help with getting both sides of the guests to interact and get to know each other better. Something you wouldn’t be easily able to do with a big wedding.
The way we look at it now, we saved close to $40k by not having those 100-110 invites not come. That fact alone definitely helped us feel better about the lower attendance rate! Haha

Sorry you feel this way, but do you think it could possibly be because of the strict rules? Not many people are willing to takeoff time from work if they’re going to have to follow all of these rules and guidelines that they don’t wanna follow. Especially if there’s no dancing etc. Not everyone is OK with wearing masks for six hours for your wedding either. I’m not saying this to be cruel, I’m saying this because I’m going through the same thing andI wouldn’t want to put people through having to sit for six hours at a formal dinner time and take time off work if it’s going to be boring.
My fiancé and I have decided if people don’t RSVP by the deadline then we would simply just mark them as regrets. At this point I don’t care if people don’t want to show up. If they don’t want to show up and I don’t want them there either LOL I only want people who actually want to be at my wedding to be there.

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But not everyone can take Friday off, or even wants to use their limited PTO that way.