I do not think I want a wedding anymore... I need advice...

I really wish I could help you out on this one, but I've always wanted a traditional wedding with family, food, and the whole shebang.

I think you should have the wedding that you and your FH both envision. It's wonderful that you have such a supportive family. I do too, and I definitely count my blessings!

I keep going back and forth myself Rachel. At first I really wanted to elope, and my FH was dead set for a wedding. As soon as I got on board with the wedding he switched to wanting to elope.

At this point I am going forward with the wedding. I know I will enjoy it, and don't think I will regret having the wedding. I might regret eloping though. Plus, so many of my extended family are planning trips from Canada for the wedding that I want to have it just so I can see everyone!

Yes I'm extremely family oriented, hence the whole intimiate beach wedding. But I think I am only doing it b/c "that's what people do" not because I want it. And I'm struggleing with spending money on something I"m not 100% excited about.

But I always did dream about my dad being by my side to walk me down the aisle... my entire family is joining us for the trip in Mexico. That is important to at least have them there if we chose to not have a wedding like we were going to.

Me myself I feel like you would regret it later. However I know people who went to the justice of peace and 5 years later still don't regret their decision. However, they were already living together. My FH and I are not living together so I know I would regret not having a wedding and just moving in and be wife. There are other means than having a big wedding just do something simple. Like backyard wedding, close setting with family and close friends and just some refreshments. But get the dress so you will be beautiful and enjoy that experience at least. Hope this advice helps.

Cynthia yes that totally makes sense. Being able to see fam you do not get to see very often is the best part about weddings. But since we were having a destination wedding to begin with pretty much only immediate family and close friends were going to come anyway. That was something we accepted with our decision.

I just.... ugh.. I just am unsure of what to do.

My mom told me rachel you deserve a beautiful wedding on the beach.. i was like thats wonderful to hear i deserve it but the question is Do I want it? :-/

I regret almost every day giving in to the bigger wedding the FH and FMIL want. Its painful spending what little money we have on this day. I always dreamed of a small beach wedding with a bbq.

do what makes you happy, not what you believe is the social norm.

My first husband and I didn't have a big wedding we actually just went to the court house and got married. Now that I am divorced it isn't a big deal but now I want to make sure I have a nice wedding and actually get to dress up and have friends and family there. It is a destination wedding and isn't going to be huge. But yes, it is a must this time because I did regret it at the time.

My husband and I got married at the courthouse and had about 25 friends and family there and then we did lunch at a restaurant in town, had a small cake and people toasted. I feel like the only reason we're having a wedding ceremony now, is because my mom wasn't there when we originally got married and I already had a wedding dress (that my mom bought for me). Honestly, I could go without the wedding ceremony and be just fine. When we originally got married, we had money for a wedding, but we spent that on a week honeymoon in Hawaii. I don't regret that either. Do your own thing! Don't do something because that's how you're "supposed" to do it.

You're blessed to have such a generous budget. Originally I was thinking of eloping too because of the funds. I looked into it and found out eloping is just as expensive as having the wedding.. There are things you can do to make it simple, romantic and inexpensive. Do your homework... Bargain Shop! Don't give up on it.

But the choice is yours. If your happy with eloping... then go for it. But if your going back and forth about it, I think some where in your mind you still want the wedding & celebration. I think every woman should have their day, they way they want it.

The choice is yours.

Good Luck with your decision.

It is all about your personality, I was married to my fh before and we did the justice of the peace and a reception 3 weeks later. We were divorced and now find ourselves getting remarried. When we started discussing getting remarried I told him that I wanted a real wedding, it could be small but I wanted a wedding. So yes I did regret it, but I have been dreaming of walking down the aisle to my fh since I was 5 years old.

If you haven't dreamed of what your wedding would be like all your life, then you may not regret it. So again it's all about your personality.

I truly appreciate all the advice. I love hearing from all of you, everyone has different experiences /view points it was exactly what I needed. ...but I still need to make a decision. I contacted my wedding planner last friday to see if i can cancel it and see if we will lose money or if they will let us apply our deposits to our stay. we have quite a few people still coming to stay at the hotel so i'm hoping they will be lenient

I understand how you feel, I didn't want the big party and spending $$$, but I wanted some type of celebration, so we opted for a very small wedding and dinner reception with cruise honeymoon the day after. Needless to say I will still end up spending $$$. I say do what is best for you.

Heavenlyoyo- I totally agree, and btw congrats on the upcoming wedding!

You are so right, I honestly have not dreamed abotu a wedding my whole life...at all. I mean right now I think about how i'd love to be on the beach with my family all around staring into my hubbys eyes and exchanging vows and walking down the aisle with my father... in gorgeous sunny mexico but I just think is that worth whatever this wedding will cost? I know I could have a small budget friendly wedding butI keep thinking wouldn't I regret that just the same as not having one at all. Like if i'm going to do it, just do it all the way... but I just can't see spending money on it. I just feel like I'm doing more because it's waht people do rather then me truly wanting it. I just... I think i have to think about it more.

Stacy M. You are right, there are certain moments of a wedding day I would love to have... I'm just really struggling with the decision. I just wish my hubby would be like DO THIS or LETS DO THAT... i love that hes up for whatever I want but it's making this decision a billion times harder. Originally he wanted the wedding so we did it... now it's like well whateve ryou want dear...ugh lol so I just dont know.

I also was thinking of keeping my photographer, hes just absolutely wonderful, and having him do a few diff photo shoots with my hubby and also our fam around the city, resort, beaches etc. since we wouldn't have wedding day photos. I thought at least we'd have honeymoon photos. I was also supposed to do a trash the dress session that i was really looking forward to but I guess I could use whatever dress we have our mini wedding in...

ugh i hate being indecisive lol

I have definitely wanted to forget the wedding and elope only because my family is not even a part of it. They could care less Im the only child and only woman in the family. It really makes it not fun for me because I want the people in my life to care and do nice things for me. That's been my biggest struggle. But because FH has a big loving family and we booked our honeymoon to Cancun I am going ahead with it because we both get what we want. I want that first dance with my FH and dancing the night away with our friends so I'm excited. It's just not what I would have picked.

HI- Just do what you feel is right! We are doing our wedding by our own rules, its casual, comfortable, and tons of the traditions that most people don't even know the origin of are getting skipped. I have always thought weddings waste $$$ and people do things that are really not all that great and gloat over it...

I have had people telling me I can't do this and I should do that but I am not listening. I can guarantee though if you are invited and show up you will have a wonderful day, hanging out by the lake, boating (we rented pontoons), playing outdoor games, eating great catered food, awesome cupcakes, fun dancing/singing karaoke. If my guests are upset because we don't do a head table, clink glasses, toss a garter or bouquet ect... they shouldn't have been invited

Do what makes you happy you are the only one who knows what that is!

The wedding is about you, if you don't want to get married, then don't You don't have to get married to pove to anyone that you are committed to each other. If you want the piece of paper, but not a ceremony, then just go to the JOP and (if you want0 throw a party afterward. You could also go for a small intimate ceremony with only your closest family and friends. Don't do a big wedding if your heart isn't into it beacuse it will only stress you out and, even if you can afford it, there are always better things to spend your money on if this is important to you.

Krysten F. I'm so glad you did not let your family get you down and did what you and your hubby truly wanted. I really hope they come around and want to get involved Either way you ahve your hubby by your side and that's what truly matters!

Kari B. I totally agree! and btw if I were a guest at your wedding I would have a blast! I hate all the traditional junk they do. Your wedding sounds like so much fun! That was sort of the idea we were going for by doing the destination wedding, small intimate and no cake we were gonig to have a trad. mexican desert, no DJ and dancing stuff. We were just going to go swimming and maybe hit DT puerto vallarta afterward. but instead of the dj we were going to have like a mariachi band, traditional mexican guitar trio, fire dancers, someone to teach salsa lessons... I want my guests to enjoy themselves but I dunno it just all seems like so much like so silly I talked to my hubby last night, I was like let's fly out to vegas have a nude ceremony or get married by elvis, it would be crazy and fun he was like I dont want to look back on my wedding day and think it was "crazy, fun, silly etc" So he put his foot down about having a "real" wedding. Sooo The planning will continue...

Jennifer k I agree. But I do want to marry my hubby without a doubt. I want to be his wife and i want to spend the rest of my life with him. I definitely do not want a big wedding that is why we chose a destination wedding. We only planned to invite family and very close family friends. I wanted something small, initimate,.. I wanted it to be small enough that I would be able to spend time with each one of my guests and have that special memory with them. I talked to hubby last night and he wants a wedding. I could see in his eyes that deep down he wants all those special moments a wedding gives a couple. So I know I wont regret having one so I will just keep it simple.