I asked my friend to be maid of honor and she said no

Jill,

I think what Carole meant was exactly what she said, if you come on asking for an opinion, posters will give you theirs.

I think that maybe (if you haven't yet) you could spend some time just skimming other posts to see the types of responses that other posts get. Some approaches to advice-giving are very direct, and others are just for comfort. I think what makes WW amazing is that we are all coming from different backgrounds with different perspectives.

@Jill, have you gotten the chance to talk to your friend?

Thank you Teresa, truce! I'm here for support from my peers. Shannon I see you're married already and maybe you've forgotten the stress that comes with planning?

Brian, sorry if I've offended you, I'm sure we can all use a psychologist here with the craziness. lol lol

IMO, Jill you are making assumptions. You are assuming your friend will not want be MOH because you already asked someone and they turned you down. You don't know this for sure, because you haven't asked anyone else. So, therefore, yes you are making assumptions.

Also, I would assume your friends care about you and your happiness more than saving face. Maybe you should just ask someone else, someone close to you, someone you would love to have stand up for you (besides the first person you asked)

Lolol Happy Easter Teresa! You are awesome. I am also curious if she was able to discuss this with her friend.

In the interest of harmony, I will leave out the part where I think that in addition to being rude(thank you Anna B for that explanation)the comment made by Jill was also sexist? lolol Frankly, that ticks me off the most. I appreciate his point of view in all roles... a photog, a psychologist, and as a man with boy bits.

Mental note....Tell my MOH, in addition to her duties as "Mammie" to my "Scarlett" (a la the corset scene in Gone with the Wind), and helping me tinkle all night, I now have to tell her she is in charge of "Operation Back Fat."

Okay, so who is in charge of the old lady arm fat? lolol

In response to the whole Brian and Jill situation---

I think that Jill is already feeling sensitive and defensive because of the rejection she is dealing with so the part that says "you're making assumptions" broke the camels back so to speak.

I do agree with Brian in the fact that the other friends saying no to MOH because one did is super jacked up.

@ Jill-- Are you afraid that one of the others will say no because its their pattern to "kick a friend when they are down"? or because you don't want the pain of someone else saying no?

Sorry if I stepped on your toes to explain, Carole! Lol you crack me up Mammie & Scarlett.

I just know that before I got the courage to post some of my silly questions, I had been reading the other posts and gotten a sense of who was no-nonsense, who was "the google queen," etc.

Carole - Of course, I didn't notice the back fat until after the photos were taken. Seriously, there are pics where it looks like I have an ass on my back. *cringe*

Jill, my wedding was less than two months ago. I'm sure I remember the stress...and I also remember that the wedding got a lot less stressful once I relaxed and tried to enjoy the process. As long as you're married by the end of it, it's all gravy.

Getting back to the OP I think you've gotten some good advice. As much as it hurts, believe me, it's better to have a MOH or BM step out than it is to have someone in your wedding party throughout the duration that is'nt 'into it'.

That being said, you've stated that you want to gain support but being on the defensive and the attack is not the way to do it.

We will accept you for who you are but don't attack good, solid advice.

I think Jill thinks they will say no because they will feel like a back up or second string.How long have you known them and how close are you? If you guys are really tight they should understand your hurt that she turned you down and hat you wanted them to partake in some way but now the MOH spot is open. I know she turned down MOH but asking your other friends if they want to be bridesmaids shouldn't make them seem like you are just picking them as an after thought. Also what about your family? Any close co-workers? Talk to your friend ask her why she said no and ten ask the other girls to be in your BP even if she said yes you would still need more people. Give your friends the benefit of the doubt.

@Carole, HAPPY EASTER to you too. I'm just sitting at home, letting my belly digest before I go in for 3rds

@Jill, no prob, I can understand why you got defensive. But like some of the ladies said, a few folks around here just tell it like it is, depending on wether or not you've figured out their character, they likely mean no harm. I've never seen, Brian, be anything other than direct, understanding, and truthful. You both have apologized, it's time to move on.

Side note: You would know your friends best, therefore, none of us can tell you that you're making assumptions. The point I would like to make is that, even though you know their character, people can suprise you, especially in a time of need. Talk to your friends!

Brian: Friends! thank you

Well stated Chuwana

@Anna....You didn't step on my toes. I am glad you answered for me. Re Mammie and Scarlett...my MOH thought of it. I think we will both be rolling on the floor wetting our pants trying to lace up the back.

@Shannon....LMAO... YOu did not have an ass on your back. lolol Oh my, there are so many other things I wanted to type, but I will back away from the twisted humor.

@Jill....Talk to your friend. Don't let it hurt your friendship. Re the other gals, real friends will step right up and be honored to have been asked.

Well....there is peace at last. Let's all hold hands and sing "Cum By Ya." Since I have a horrid voice, I will simply hum a few bars.

Happy whatever holiday you all celebrate! Happy you don't celebrate a holiday, but enjoy the hell out of stealing candy from the baskets of children!

@Teresa....thirds...damn girl, I am proud of you!

@Carole, girl, forget singing, how about eating? I made some mace and cheese that can bring peace to the middle east!!!!

Edit: @Carole, it's all part of my plan. I eat small portions so I can get a taste of everything, and then I go in for the kill!

@Teresa....Mac and cheese is my fave. It is the ultimate in comfort food. I love your approach to dining. I took notes. Did you wear good stretch pants? : )

@Carole, sure is, it's been my favorite food since I was a little girl. I'm not wearing stretch pants, but I do have the hubby's sweat pants on

Lol - anyone seen that old episode of Friends? Joey wears maternity pants to Thanksgiving Dinner to finish eating the turkey?

I appreciate the fact that everyone is friends here so I'm not saying this in a mean way but when you start to talk amongst yourselves it's my inbox that is being flooded.

thanks again for all the support! I will continue to post!