Rachel
Dedicated September 2021

How would you feel about fh lying about engagement ?

Rachel, on May 26, 2021 at 7:10 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 51
Saved
Reply

We got engaged after a short trip in december. We told family right away but FH didn't tell anyone else.. Not his best friend- not the two guys he goes to lunch with every single day... I thought it was strange. He told me theres never a good time to say it.. ( let me explain these guys tell him everything goin on with their wives, kids etc )


So here we are in may- and we had a zoom call with an officiant he had to take when he was at work.. That morning he said I told them ( the two he is close to ) about our engagement. I felt good about it.. finally. But he came home and said how he said we just got engaged over the last weekend.. So its actually been 6 months and now everyone thinks we literally just engaged. I said wow did you say we have a small wedding planned in august? He said no.. I said are you going to tell them you got married when we get back from honeymoon? He said I guess, idk. I was like uhh well you eat lunch with them every day, do you not think they will notice a ring? He said I don't tell every little thing. I said you won't say I just got married?? He said he doesn't tell his life.

Basically he is not going to want to tell, because he lied and said our engagement was just last week. . Idk would you be mad , hurt or am I being too sensitive.. ??


51 Comments

Latest activity by Rachel, on June 2, 2021 at 11:47 AM
  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
    • Flag
    Did he eventually tell his best friend? Also, I get that he goes to lunch with these guys, but does he actually consider them good friends? For what it’s worth, the only co-worker H told about our engagement was a guy he’s been friends with for decades that we went to high school with. And then that guy told everyone so H probably never would have told people at work if it hadn’t been for this friend.
    • Reply
  • Rachel
    Dedicated September 2021
    Rachel ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    He’s very close to tjem. He’s worked with them for 17 years. They do long lunches daily and talk about personal life.


    The worst part is I know he won’t say he got married in august cause he lied of when he got engaged.
    • Reply
  • Kristin
    Devoted December 2021
    Kristin ·
    • Flag
    Honestly, that is a huge red flag to me. Everyone at my FH’s job knew before he even asked and are constantly asking about the wedding planning, even though they know they aren’t invited. I can understand not telling them the second he got to work but at some point it had to be an easy place to slip it in or to casually drop “fiancé” instead of girlfriend.
    • Reply
  • C
    Master January 2019
    Cassidy ·
    • Flag
    This is very bizarre to me. My husband literally couldn’t wait to tell everyone we were engaged. Like was waiting for me to hang up with my parents so he could post the updated relationship on Facebook couldn’t wait! I think you’re justified with feeling hurt. Coworkers or not, even if he doesn’t like to over share getting engaged and then married is a huge life milestone not some minor personal detail.
    • Reply
  • Rachel
    Dedicated September 2021
    Rachel ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Well, the only reason his best friend knows now is because we went to dinner one night and he was there with his wife. My FH and I were having drinks and I said to him you're going to have to tell him and pointed to my ring. I think he knew I was going to tell them. This was months later. He said wow you got engaged in december ? TO be honest, he looked kinda surprised that he was just finding it out..

    He has yet to invite him even verbally to the wedding which is in august. this is his best friend..

    • Reply
  • whirlwind
    Devoted March 2021
    whirlwind ·
    • Flag

    This is really odd and makes no sense to me whatsoever. Is he sure he wants to get married? Is he excited? Did you pressure him into proposing? Cold feet?

    I am really sorry. I would be hurt and worried if I were you. Sounds like a red flag to me. Who are you planning to invite to the wedding? Those friends and family should be informed soon.

    Maybe put a hold on wedding planning and get couple's counseling. I would want to hear a bit more explanation before walking down the aisle and making a commitment for forever.
    • Reply
  • Yasmine
    Rockstar October 2020
    Yasmine ·
    • Flag

    I think that its a little odd and may come off as if he's embarrassed or not happy about the decision? I definitely would have a talk because I just don't see why he would lie about it.

    • Reply
  • AJ
    Super October 2022
    AJ ·
    • Flag

    That's really strange, getting engaged and married is supposed to be a happy time - why would he want to keep that a secret? I get keeping personal and work life separate but if he's known those guys for almost 20 years and they regularly talk about personal things then its weird he wouldn't share. I would be mad if my fiancé lied about things like that. And you wedding is only 3 months away... I would reconsider. If he's lying and hiding something like this - what else is he hiding? (maybe I'm just paranoid from watching too many crime shows) but you need to have a serious talk about it.

    • Reply
  • Rachel
    Dedicated September 2021
    Rachel ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    The guys he has lunch with have shared all kinds of info over the past 6 months. One is having a grandchild .. ( we are in 40s by the way, and this guy is 50) he tells me info about both of their wives kids etc. I kept saying for months, did you tell them? He said theres never a good time. he said how all these bad things were happening and he felt weird.. ( the one guys mom was sick.. ) but still the one shared he was having a grandchild.. that is pretty positive. and he could have easily said wow congrats.. I am engaged..

    Now it is going to be very strange to say oh we just got married. they will say you were engaged for what two months? real weird..

    we are only having immediate family and he will invite best friend ( maybe ?) and I will have a close friend..

    • Reply
  • Rachel
    Dedicated September 2021
    Rachel ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    He has so many opportunities over the past 6 months.. the one guy is older ( 52) He announced he was going to be a grandpa.. why couldn't FH say he was engaged? Its like he is embarrassed or hiding or scared..

    • Reply
  • Rachel
    Dedicated September 2021
    Rachel ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Exactly.. I got into argument last night.. I said you don't know if you will say you're married in august? Are you embarrassed? that s how it feels.. But he said idk I don't share my life.. uh would they not see the ring ? Will he hide that ? something is weird.. is there someone at work he is into? I just don't know what to think

    • Reply
  • Lisa
    Super October 2021
    Lisa ·
    • Flag
    I think it’s odd and as others have said a possible red flag. My fiancé introduces me as such and makes jokes about it since day one (I’m totally fine with the playful joking). But if he were to completely skip telling people and when he does, lie about when it happen, I’d be upset and would definitely try to get to the bottom of it sooner rather than later. Could he be embarrassed about how he proposed or embarrassed to talk about intimate things with them? Did he want to get you different and got something temporary? Idk just throwing ideas out there.
    • Reply
  • Yasmine
    Rockstar October 2020
    Yasmine ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Have you considered pre-marital counseling? Maybe a third party who hears both sides and is experienced in situation like this would be able to offer some advice.

    • Reply
  • Cool
    Super July 2020
    Cool ·
    • Flag
    This is concerning. Given his relationship with these people and frequency of conversations, he definitely should have been *excited* to share this with them. Is it possible there is someone at work he does not want finding out about it? I would definitely recommend counseling to get to the bottom of this if you don’t feel right about it, it probably isn’t.
    • Reply
  • W
    Super September 2020
    Willow ·
    • Flag
    I hate to say this, but an engagement and wedding is not the kind of thing you actively hide and lie about. It's not normal. The most logical reason is he's having second thoughts and wants time to pull out, or wants to hide this from someone he's having an affair with or is interested in romantically.


    It would be naive to brush this under the rug. I am so sorry
    • Reply
  • Samantha
    Rockstar October 2022
    Samantha ·
    • Flag
    I think it’s important to have some deep discussions about this.
    I’m not saying he’s reluctant to get married, but that is one possibility. The only way to get to the bottom of it is to have a hard conversations. I know, hard conversations are hard. But when done right, you can develop closer intimacy and feel appreciated.
    • Reply
  • Rachel
    Dedicated September 2021
    Rachel ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Exactly the things I’m thinking. Guess I’m
    Not crazy as he says
    • Reply
  • Courtney
    Expert September 2022
    Courtney ·
    • Flag

    In defense, some men are just awkward bringing that kind of talk up randomly. The people I work with only just recently realized I'm engaged and I've been engaged since November. Some people don't want to shoehorn it into the conversation. I will agree that it's weird that he said you only just got engaged, but he may have felt bad/awkward about telling them so far after the fact.

    My FH's coworkers all knew he was getting engaged because when he picked up the ring he took it to work and he works with all ladies so they were excited to see it.

    Is your FH usually pretty good about bringing up new/exciting things with these friends? Or does he more absorb what's going on and share only when necessary?

    • Reply
  • W
    Super September 2020
    Willow ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    If he's calling you crazy for being worried about this, that's gaslighting. Another red flag.


    If he dismisses your valid concerns, how are you supposed to have a serious conversation about them? He knows what he did is off because now he's lying about the wedding date to cover the fact that he lied about the engagement. He is trying to save face with everyone else.
    He knows exactly what he's done, and yet he says you're crazy.
    • Reply
  • Samantha
    Rockstar October 2022
    Samantha ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Ok...anyone who calls you crazy for voicing a concern doesn’t have your best interests in mind.
    Take this particular situation out of the equation - can you be happy in a life where you are called crazy?
    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×

Related articles

WeddingWire celebrates love ...and so does everyone on our site! Learn more

Groups

WeddingWire article topics