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Dedicated September 2021

How would you feel about fh lying about engagement ?

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Rachel, on May 26, 2021 at 7:10 AM

We got engaged after a short trip in december. We told family right away but FH didn't tell anyone else.. Not his best friend- not the two guys he goes to lunch with every single day... I thought it was strange. He told me theres never a good time to say it.. ( let me explain these guys tell him...

So here we are in may- and we had a zoom call with an officiant he had to take when he was at work.. That morning he said I told them ( the two he is close to ) about our engagement. I felt good about it.. finally. But he came home and said how he said we just got engaged over the last weekend.. So its actually been 6 months and now everyone thinks we literally just engaged. I said wow did you say we have a small wedding planned in august? He said no.. I said are you going to tell them you got married when we get back from honeymoon? He said I guess, idk. I was like uhh well you eat lunch with them every day, do you not think they will notice a ring? He said I don't tell every little thing. I said you won't say I just got married?? He said he doesn't tell his life.

Basically he is not going to want to tell, because he lied and said our engagement was just last week. . Idk would you be mad , hurt or am I being too sensitive.. ??

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Dedicated September 2021
Rachel · on May 27, 2021 at 10:49 AM
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Thank you for that. I see other guys at my work boasting about their fiancé ot wives and it makes me so sad. I understand he’s on the reserved side but this situation doesn’t add up. He knows these guys , they have met me many times. He had an opportunity to share it when he got back from the trip where he proposed they knew he was on a trip so they asked how trip went. Not sure why he didn’t share then. I mean he clearly sidnt want to for a reason. And he let a half a year go. He lied about date cause he knows it’s weird to have avoided telling them
That long. He even said well it woulda been weird to say I asked 6 months ago.

If I bring up Is there someone elseHe says that is concerning that I even ask that. He is adamant that a time ever cameUp to say it. He chose not to and who knows why only he knows
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Dedicated September 2021
Rachel · on May 27, 2021 at 10:50 AM
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Also forgot to mention. Last night we argued over it all and he said I nagged him to tell
These guys. Wow so he didn’t even know any to.
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Super July 2020
Cool · on May 27, 2021 at 12:22 PM
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He sounds very disrespectful, on top of everything else. Saying things like you’re “nagging” or “crazy” are very manipulative tactics to dismiss your feelings. I think you’re right to be questioning him on all of these fronts. He is a giant red flag.
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Devoted April 2023
Peyton · on May 29, 2021 at 1:48 AM
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Trust your gut....if something smells fishy, it probably is. Admittedly, guys can be really weird, but how has he treated other past noteworthy life events? Is this extreme non-sharing of personal events typical for him? Does he do the same thing with you and tell you little to nothing about his life away from you? I hate he is acting like this. I would be putting everything on hold until FH matured and acted confident and happy in his relationship with me.
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Dedicated October 2021
Stephanie · on May 29, 2021 at 2:55 PM
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I think this definitely merits a talk and it’s ok to be upset by it.

That said, I’ve been engaged since January, getting married in October, and it was a PROCESS to get my fiancé to tell anyone besides his immediate family. He probably didn’t tell his groomsmen about being engaged until April. His aunts/uncles/cousins still don’t know, and he’s not eager to tell them because he doesn’t want to be the center of attention, even from his family. It’s a goofy thing to me, but it’s his family/friends, and I know him. He loves me and his decision not to be telling everyone about being engaged isn’t a sign of him not wanting to get married. It’s about him being an introvert.
What is slightly concerning to me is the fact that your fiancé lied about when you got engaged, and doesn’t seem inclined to tell people when you’re getting married. But I think that’s something worth talking about and maybe it has a more innocent explanation than you think.
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Judith · on May 29, 2021 at 11:00 PM
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You say to start that he did tell family, right, just not work friends?
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Judith · on May 30, 2021 at 5:16 PM
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In your post on his divorce
u say it has been going on a long time, over support. You never say, does he hold a final divorce decree which says he is free to marry others. And fo all he has been going on a financial issue with his x, you do not want to do a pre-nup.
Perhaps with both a divorce decree and a pre-nup in hand, he will marry you and otherwise, no. So he has told that to his parents, just not work friends. And until you show you will go this step, he will not marry you. He had a pretty nasty surprise when th ewoman he married before, mother of his children, made a 4 year process, and now you want a marriage without a pre-nup. Nothing wrong with waiting until both of these obstacles are settled before sharing an engagement with more than family. If you decide not to do it, his family will know, and 1 or2 people he works with have been told it is a recent thing. But you have told the world, family, friends, co-workers, and will be embarrassed in front of all of them if you decide against the pre-nup. Given his history with his wife, that is a very reasonable position for him to take.
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Dedicated September 2021
Rachel · on June 1, 2021 at 10:56 AM
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I know. I wasn’t so much upset that he didn’t tell so long as I was that he lied when it happened. I mean one lie leads to another. It’s odd to be engaged for a few months only and when I said will you tell after we get married he didn’t say yes. It was I guess idk. I don’t tell my life. That’s kind of weird to me
He is very reserved in general. I know people don’t really know of his court drama w ex and all. He doesn’t like sharing stuff at all
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Dedicated September 2021
Rachel · on June 1, 2021 at 10:56 AM
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Yes he told family
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Master May 2020
Kari · on June 2, 2021 at 10:42 AM
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Red flag.
Some people are private, sure, but if he's as close with them as you say he is and he is hiding information from them (and lying about it too) I would wonder why the dishonesty? Its one thing to not bring it up in a huge public way and advertise to the world, its another to hide it and then lie about it when it comes up.
I would be very concerned and questioning the entire relationship at this point.
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Dedicated September 2021
Rachel · on June 2, 2021 at 11:47 AM
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Exactly. I mean he sees them
Daily for lunch and has known them
Forever. He neglected to tell when we got back from the trip where he proposed and waited half a year and then isn’t sure he will tell about wedding cause he claims he doesn’t share info. There’s a reason. Idk what it is but there has to be one.
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