Jaimie
Super May 2014

How do I deal with a guest who didn't even give a card?

Jaimie, on May 21, 2014 at 4:21 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 73
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I completely understand if someone is not financially capable of giving a gift, but can we all agree that it is completely unacceptable to not even give a card? A card can be purchased 2 for a dollar at any dollar store. A couple of my bridesmaids didn't give one which I'm okay with because they gave enough. I'm mainly disappointed with my coworker.

First and foremost he invited himself to our wedding, by saying "You are going to invite me to the wedding right?" I hadn't planned to, but felt awkward saying no. Then he showed up with out even giving a card. How do I handle this? Do I really have to give a thank you note this this inconsiderate person? I'm really not one to hide my feelings so I honestly feel like telling him off or very sarcastically saying "Oh no, your card must have gotten lost". I don't think this will play out well.

73 Comments

  • Brady
    Expert May 2014
    Brady ·
    • Flag

    I don't think people are required to get you a card to attend your wedding. They are there to help you celebrate, not give you pieces of paper you're going to throw away anyway.

    • Reply
  • M
    Master August 2014
    Miss S. ·
    • Flag

    Jaimie, I am not sure why it is a big deal that he didn't give a card. What would you do with his card anyways? Most likely trash it, right? So, for me it is not a big deal if I don't get a gift or card. I will be happy that the people came out to celebrate… not expecting anything in exchange, except that if they RSVP that they will actually come…. and the fact that you invited him, is your "fault." You didn't have to send him an invite. There would have been many polite ways of how you could have told him that he was not invited after he invited himself.

    Edit: Forgot to say that I would still send a thank you card for coming to the wedding. Thank you cards are NOT just for people that gave gifts. If you don't send him one, you could easily be labeled as the "inconsiderate" person here...

    • Reply
  • GrayCatVintage
    Master October 2015
    GrayCatVintage ·
    • Flag

    I agree that it is very rude NOT to show up with at least a card - but really, does it matter? I think I would have put my foot down about him inviting himself - I have had to get on my FH about this and to NOT DO IT because we are out of room on the guest list already. That being said, I probably would not give a thank you card. If someone came to my wedding and did not leave a card, I would honestly probably totally forget they were there to send a thank you card.

    • Reply
  • Jaimie
    Super May 2014
    Jaimie ·
    • Flag

    A card is a way of showing your best wishes towards the couple instead of just showing up and having a free meal, which is exactly what he did. I'm sorry, but I have to disagree showing up with out a card is disrespectful and rude.

    • Reply
  • Zzil
    Master October 2014
    Zzil ·
    • Flag

    "How do I deal with a guest who didn't even give a card? "

    You don't. You send a thank you card, thanking him for his presence and leave it at that.

    As far as him inviting himself, I agree with Miss S. There are a million ways to deal with people who assume they are getting an invite.

    • Reply
  • Samantha
    Master May 2013
    Samantha ·
    • Flag

    I honestly didn't keep track of people that didn't give a gift. I had a list of gifts so I could write notes to people that brought gifts. If they didn't bring a gift, I didn't write a thank you note. I didn't expect people to bring gifts so I don't really understand what you're asking as far as "dealing" with it. I don't think there's anything to deal with.

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  • Mrs.G
    VIP August 2014
    Mrs.G ·
    • Flag

    I think it's rude and tackey

    I don't care if is not expected it's the RIGHT THING TO DO. Ok it doesn't need to have money or a gift

    Just get a simple

    99 cents congratulations card... Your paying x amount for a person to eat and celebrate with you I'm paying 135 a head and let me tell you if I don't get a card I will be truly offended!

    • Reply
  • Out the Window
    Master May 2014
    Out the Window ·
    • Flag

    Meh, you move on. Be the bigger person and still send them a holiday card and birthday card if you're that close to them. I had a few who didn't. Whatever.

    • Reply
  • MelissaC
    Master January 2015
    MelissaC ·
    • Flag

    I'm inviting four co-workers. Two are bosses (my FH is insisting I invite them as he is VP of his company and says it is expected) and the other two I work extremely closely with and consider us close, but I'm not expecting a thing from any of them. The fact that they would come to a co-worker's wedding at all, if they do, will be gift enough for me. I'm not even going to give the bosses the save-the-dates that have our registry on it because I don't want them feeling like I'm trying to get gifts out of them. I'm going to have to see them after the wedding at work so why make a potential problem? At least your co-worker came! Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • A
    Super November 2014
    Alison ·
    • Flag

    I was under the impression that thank you cards were for gifts. So if he didn't give a gift (totally up to him) then you don't need to send him a thank you card.

    • Reply
  • Mrs.G
    VIP August 2014
    Mrs.G ·
    • Flag

    Ps I would not send a thank you card! That's what I plan on doing that is my IDGAF moment lol

    • Reply
  • Kate
    Master May 2012
    Kate ·
    • Flag

    True, it's bad etiquette to not bring a card...but you can still be classy and send a 'thank you for coming' note.

    • Reply
  • D&J
    Expert October 2014
    D&J ·
    • Flag

    There's no way to deal with a person who didn't give you a card. IMO anyone who is invited and comes to my wedding will receive a thank you card for attending - regardless of them bringing a card or gift. I don't think guests are obligated to gift you anything, whether you think it's rude or not.

    • Reply
  • Barbara
    Master September 2014
    Barbara ·
    • Flag

    You don't need to do anything.

    You should never send a thank you card JUST for attending-- it comes off as fishing for a gift, and since guests/invitees *technically* have a year to give a wedding gift, it could make things tricky if he is planning to give you something later. Are you then going to send ANOTHER thank you note? All of the experts (Ann Landers, Dear Abby, Miss Manners, etc) agree that a thank you note is ONLY required when a gift is given.

    • Reply
  • Zzil
    Master October 2014
    Zzil ·
    • Flag

    When people come to celebrate your marriage, their presence is a gift that should be properly thanked. Thank you cards aren't just reserved for people who bring tangible gifts.

    Edit: I did not know that Barbara! I was always taught that if they did send a gift, a second ty note should go out. Thanks for the info!

    • Reply
  • Celia Milton
    January 2020
    Celia Milton ·
    • Flag

    You don't.

    • Reply
  • Storm <3 Kosman
    Master August 2014
    Storm <3 Kosman ·
    • Flag

    You de-friend them on FB.

    • Reply
  • Pancakes
    Master October 2015
    Pancakes ·
    • Flag

    Keep your work environment friendly. Give him a thank you for attending card and leave it there. I wouldn't think about it more.

    • Reply
  • E
    Savvy May 2014
    Engie ·
    • Flag

    Agreed it's very rude but agree you should be the better person, send a "Thank you" card and leave it be. I would keep him at arm's length after that, personally.

    • Reply
  • Rachel DellaPorte
    January 2020
    Rachel DellaPorte ·
    • Flag

    I have a theory about non-gift givers who don't even purchase a greeting card. I think they don't give cards because they're either hoping you forget about them, or they can claim they absolutely left a card, with cash, and it must have been stolen. Honestly, a wedding guest should be able to go to any TJ Maxx and pick up a gift for $20.

    I would send a thank you card with the words, "We had a magical day, and we were so happy that you could join us at our wedding. We are so thankful to count you among our treasured guests and witnesses". He'll get it.

    • Reply

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