How do I deal with a guest who didn't even give a card?

I agree with Jamie. I just don't understand how getting married automatically qualifies you for a gift? Are you only inviting your friends and family to see how much you can get from them? Yes, he should have gotten a card, gift, something, but you didn't. Now what? I say let it go. Did you have the wedding of your dreams? Marry the man of your dreams? That's all that matters. Let it go.

Hey Barbara! I am in the midst of thank you notes and this has been on my mind. FH's friends are all affluent and have great manners. They are all very successful in business (CEOs, VPs, etc). One (a solo guy) didn't bring a card or gift. We decided to not write the thank you for the reasons I outlined above and also because, if the card was lost, he is the type to write a check rather than give cash and he'll know that no note with no cashed check means the gift was lost. If he stiffed us...then we don't mind. Maybe he forgot. Maybe he doesn't give gifts. Maybe monkeys robbed him on the way to the wedding. We don't care because it's not about the gift.

He's a good guy.

But it did seem out of character. This has been on my mind so much that reading this made me realize how "passionate" I am feeling about the topic, lol.

Way to get them done so soon, LB!

Funny you had the exact same thing happen to you as Jaimie, though presumably your *D*H's (not FH anymore ) friend didn't invite himself. A few of FH's friends are divorced single men, so I guess I should be ready for something like this, too. . .

Yep, and my husband's (I can't believe I called him FH! ha!) friend is a great guy, with good manners. We think it was an oversight or just general guy-ness, though my hubs was always a single guy attending weddings and he never forgot to bring a gift/check. As my husband said, "This one is a head-scratcher!" LOL

Another unusual one was...a donation in our honor. DH was touched by it though because it was a charity he worked on with the donor and so I was like Oooookay then! I don't want to seem ungrateful but if the donor makes the donation and gets the tax deduction, how is that a "gift" to us?

Again -- we are grateful to have our friends and family present and if one guy didn't bring a gift, and another pretends to give one but gets a tax writeoff, we're cool with it. But it did seem out of character for the guy.

Um, wow. There is nothing to "handle". You need to listen to yourself here.

I didn't send TY cards to people who didn't give gifts. The only exception was to one of my BMs whose husband ran the music for us and cooked the tri-tip. I thanked them for all they did. They did that, bought a dress, and paid for a 2-night hotel stay - that was gift enough!

This of course didn't ruin my wedding. I still married the man of my dreams. I just find it unacceptable that he couldn't go to a dollar tree and spend 50 cents on a card. Like I said I didn't expect a gift or money. Just some acknowledgement that he just attended a major life moment. I'm going to find it uncomfortable to work with him since I usually bend over backwards for this person and am at the moment too resentful to be as helpful as I typically am and hope he doesn't notice. I feel very strongly at this point that he is a free loader who wanted a free meal. He made a point of actually telling me he was picking the most expensive option. I thought he was kidding but am no longer sure. He also barely spoke to me or my new husband at the wedding. He gets away with murder at work and it appears he is just an entitled little brat.

Barbara L and LivelyBride are right - you do NOT send a thank you note to guests just for their attendance. You thank them for coming in person at the wedding and you fed them and hosted them which is also a thank you.

Thank you notes are for gifts. It can actually come off as hinting for a gift or pointing out that the person didn't bring a gift when you send a "thank you for coming" note. That is not very polite.

I wouldn't/won't be offended if someone doesn't give us a gift or a card. It's nice if they do, but not expected or required. I am only sending thank you notes to guests who give us gifts.

Sounds like you just don't like him and this is adding fuel to your fire. I don't blame you, he sounds like a rude guy. But don't tell him off unless you're okay being uncomfortable at your job indefinitely. It's not worth it! Just be civil, avoid talking to him and know that everyone else probably thinks he's a jerk too.

Guys usually aren't as knowledgeable about etiquette, and this guy sounds like a doofus to begin with. I definitely would not send him a thank you note-- for what? Thanks for showing up and eating at our wedding and costing us $135.....

Two options:

1)Give him a thank you for attending card and leave it at that. No one is required to give you anything, even though it may be the " right thing to do".

2) Don't send a card, and just forget about the situation. If he didn't think to get you a card, he probably won't even realize you didn't send him a thank you card.

10 years from now this won't make a difference - don't sweat it now.

I never expect a card or a gift for any occassion. I don't expect a single thing from any of my guests, but I will send each of them a thank you for attending card, if I receive a gift or card in my thank you I will mention it in my thank you.

Get over it!

F the card, just drop the cash directly in the box

I def would be very pissed too its rude, tacky and its rude and tacky in itself to invite himself to the wedding. so to not show up with anything is so beyond rude!!!! i def would not even send him a thank you. but me, i would say something. i would just be like your card must have been lost - if you had a check in there please cancel it bc it was lost. ive had two friends that had this problem and they did the same thing. plus what if he did get you a card and it really was lost. thats just me though

Eh, I had a few bring nothing. Not a big deal to me. SURE, I would have liked a gift, card or anything, but it's fine. And I did send everyone that came to my wedding a Thank You card. Although it's been stated that was not necessary if they didn't bring a gift. But everyone had a 1-3 hour drive and I wanted to thank everyone, again, for taking the time and $ to come to my wedding.

Sounds like he made it clear he wanted to come for the free meal and booze. He got what he wanted, I can guarantee he doesn't care about getting a TY and he's not even giving it any thought.

Don't give another person so much power over your emotions. Move on, take a deep breath and get a little perspective. He's just a rude guy from your office who's name you won't even remember in 5 years.

Honestly, I would send him a thank you for coming. It's the polite and nice thing to do.

Okay, so...lets start at the fact he invited himself to your wedding. You allowed that to happen because you didn't have the guts to say 'Unfortunately we aren't able to invite everyone'. There is nothing wrong with not bringing a gift...there's not 'requirement' for guests to get you anything (and yes, that includes cards) - although, I agree a card is nice. You 'bend over backwards for him' at work, so you allow him to take advantage of you. I bet he knows this and was less excited to see you get married, more excited for a party.

There's nothing you can do, and I bet you're devoting way more time and energy to it than he is so the only person it's affecting is you. Let it go, continue with your work and stop letting people take advantage of you.

It is rude he didn't give a card. You're allowed to be annoyed. Don't send a thank you because dude probably went for an open bar he should send you a thank you.