How do I deal with a guest who didn't even give a card?

Honestly, all the guys I know are totally not into cards/notes/letters. I doubt it even crossed his mind to get you a card. That said, I doubt it will also cross his mind to expect to receive a thank-you card from you.

Men do tend to forget cards big time - I have been on my FH and brother about it for years lol

You don't need to send thank you cards to people who did not get you a gift. The wedding reception is a thank you to your guests who attended the wedding.

So, how do you deal with this person? You do nothing. He doesn't get a thank you note for attending the wedding.

I do want to emphasize that while I would never go to a wedding without giving a gift or a card, it's not actually a requirement. So, be irritated, especially since he invited himself to your wedding, but let it go.

I guess I am just feeling really hurt. I have stuck up for this person many times when others had plenty to say, and now feel like an idiot for doing so because I believe that he has proven himself to be just as self centered as others have claimed. I will probably be speaking to him as infrequently as humanly possible and will def not be giving him a thank you card. He has made it pretty clear that he wanted to go to a wedding for a free meal and open bar not to celebrate my marriage.

I know a few people, mostly guys, who don't give cards. So while I can understand not giving a gift, I can also understand why some people don't give cards. Some people see cards as just a waste and why give someone a card because they are just going to throw it out the next day.

Saying that, I think it is rude to not bring anything. At least get a card to congratuate the couple. I do think you are taking this too harshly though. Yes it was rude of him to not bring something, but not rude enough for the big deal you're making it to be.

I'd do nothing. Don't send him a thank you card and don't mention it again. Just let it go.

You're seriously upset about this? Guys don't do cards. They generally aren't that thoughtful. It's a bit rude, yes, but he's probably just clueless about this sort of stuff. Just let it go, and consider it a win for the environment: one less piece of paper to throw away.

IMO a thank you card is necessary. If you think he's being rude (I disagree) that doesn't make it ok to be rude back.....

Some people really do not understand how much weddings cost. I can fully expect someone who is bold enough to invite themselves to your wedding to not understand it's normal to give a gift at a wedding. I wouldn't be hurt by it. I'm sure your wedding is not the first major etiquette error this person has made and won't be his last.

Also, in THIS situation I wouldn't bother to write a thank you. Is that rude? Technically yes, but he doesn't seem like the type who will get offended and if you don't mean your thank you note anyway then it does no good to write it. It would just be as big of a waste of paper as the card he would have got from CVS on the way to your wedding would be anyway.

I'd leave it because no one's really required to give anything...but I get that the general idea is to never turn up to a party empty handed. I wouldn't bother yourself with this and just give them the benefit of the doubt that, perhaps, they just didn't know or forgot.

Or maybe they're like me where I would feel bad giving a card without a gift...don't know why I feel that way though.

As for a Thank You card...totally up to you. I'd send one just to say thank you for coming, but that's just me again. However, he doesn't sound like someone who's going to fuss over receiving a thank you card anyway.

I feel like some brides get so upset if a gift is not given by a guest who attends their wedding after all the money they spend yada yada yada. Do I think it is rude not to give a gift....yes. BUT....there are people I am inviting to my wedding, some from my own family, who I do not think will get me a gift. Does that mean I am not going to invite them just because I don't think they will get me a gift? No. I am not throwing a wedding and inviting people in order to get a gift (or card)....I am having this wedding and inviting the people who love and support us. I could care less if someone didn't get me a gift. I am not going to remember the gifts that were given at my wedding....I am going to remember the people that were there to share the experience with us.

Well said Jaime S. Agree 100%

You don't owe him anything. Put it out of your mind and move on.

Jaimie - does it really matter? Is this going to affect you tomorrow? Two weeks from now? So they didn't even get you a card....file them in the "tacky" category and call it a day. You don't have to send them a card or anything - but if you see her at work, just say "hey! Thank you for coming to the wedding!". done.

I firmly believe that you should always treat others the way that you want to be treated. So, let's say that something crazy didn't happen like he didn't forget the card at home (I have done this) or he isn't sending a gift within the approp time frame (1 year) or it wasnt misplaced/stolen etc, you are complaining that he was thoughtless and rude and didn't so much as bring a card, so why would you want to be the person who "didn't even so much as send a thank you". I say send it and say "Thank you for helping me celebrate" or something to that effect and leave it at that.

EDIT: For the record, I think what he did is incredibly rude by not even so much as getting a card, I would always just want to be the bigger person.

Did your day go well? Did him not giving you a card completely ruin your wedding? I highly doubt it. I say send him a thank you card for coming and celebrating your day, and leave it at that. Was it a bit rude? Sure. However it's not something that should stress over.

The best way to "deal" with guests like that is to chain a cinderblock to their feet and drop them in a large body of water.

Obviously kidding but I think it's a good idea to realize that some ppl come from different social backgrounds and don't know what is acceptable and what is not. Or some ppl are just rude. Either way, you are married now!! He didn't ruin your night so I wouldn't let it hurt me. I wouldn't let his behavior affect me at all. I would get over it and not let it affect my relationship with that person. You never know their situation.

I think I'd be irritated too, after all he did kinda invite himself, that's why it probably bothers you even more. I would just move on and not worry about it, he may just be a bad planner (guys are always last minute) so you never know, he may show up with a gift one day...

The question is whether you need to send a thank you note. You don't. He was your guest and you presumably fed him and hosted the party. IF you're thankful he came, (and it seems like you are not) then writing a note to thank him for coming is fine but it's not an obligation. There was no gift.

If someone travels and doesn't give a gift it's nice to send a note to thank them since they incurred costs but you are not obligated.

It is NOT rude to not write a thank you note if someone doesn't bring a gift. How can so many people not understand this?! It wigs me out a little.

When you throw a party, do you write thank you notes?

Common sense. And consult Miss Manners. Jeez.

LivelyBride-- you're back and perfect timing!! Thank you notes just for coming drive me insane!!