Help! My bridesmaid was to dye her hair black and Red??

If your friend had this hairstyle prior to you asking her to be in your wedding, would it have caused you to not ask her? Or would you have been fine with it? If it's the latter, then it isn't really about the hair, and more about the fact that it is not what you want, but it's out of your control. It is a little unreasonable to assume that no one will change their hair between now and your wedding day. While the colors may not be ideal, at the end of the day, you can't stop her from doing what she wants with her hair.

Unfortunately, I think that if you are planning on having bridesmaids in your wedding, you need to be prepared for the possibly that they will take some eyes off you and your husband throughout your wedding. You are inviting them to join you in standing next to you and your husband on your wedding day, so I think it would be a little insensitive to not accept them for exactly the way they are, red and black hair and all.

That is why I asked all guests to adhere to a certain dress code at my wedding.

View Quoted Comment So if a guest showed up with a hair color or other physical appearances that you didn't approve of (tattoos, piercings, etc.), would you not allow them in?

I have a bridesmaid that asked me about her dying her hair and honestly, it doesn't really matter. I would just go with it. Dont be so conceited where you believe her hair is going to ruin your day. You know she has done this the whole time and now you are making a stink of it? Black and red isn't crazy at all. Those are natural hair colors unlike Harley Quinn who has Pink and Blue hair and honestly, if they wanted to do that, then let them do it.

Do you and this other person have issues?

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. I’m actually facing some potential similar situations. My fiancé’s niece is a junior bridesmaid, and for the past year and a half, his sister has let her dye her hair blue. It’s cute, and it fits her personality, but his mom and I really hope she’ll go natural for the wedding. Meanwhile, his nephew is a groomsman, and like many young men now, his hair has grown wild, like a bush. I’m hoping to God he gets a decent haircut in the next six months. Anyway, for your situation, I don’t think it would be wrong of you to ask your bridesmaid to hold off on coloring her hair until after the wedding. If she wants to try a more natural shade before then, by all means she can go for it, but save the wacky stuff for afterwards. After all, you’ll have to see the pictures the rest of your life.

I agree with some of the other posters. I think it's a little rude to ask someone to change their hair color for the wedding. Instead, maybe ask if she could wear it in a style that doesn't draw so much attention to the color. Maybe a braid or an updo?

My twin will be one of my bridesmaids and she has crazy hair too and piercings all in her face but that is her all I ask is that she fixed her hair and has tasteful jewelry

I would be upset. You could ask her to wear a wig for the ceremony and photos, especially if you are willing to pay for it. You can get some pretty gorgeous and natural looking wigs these days.

Check out @coco_coquette on Instagram for tips about how to style a wig beautifully. The post from May 11, 2020 is really helpful.

I think how she styles it will make all the difference. If itʻs totally pulled back into a low bun or something understated I donʻt think itʻd be as blaring as say full-on Harley Quinn pigtails. Possibly even flip the black over the red a little if itʻs incredibly bright?

While it is fine to keep the new dye job, the final presentation on wedding day must be within the general formality of the day, and the dress. No bicycle chains instead of a beaded hair jewelry piece, no punk mousse straight
up.

I’m assuming she’s an adult. So why should she have to ask your permission about what she does with her hair? Yikes! Yes that’s overbearing and bridezilla-ish.

I totally get where you’re coming from, you should be the focal point on your special day. I’d feel the same way! I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask her to wait until after your big day, UNLESS, it’s not unlike your friend to be a little more on the eccentric side. If it’s normal for her to have crazy hair colors then it’s kinda like you’re asking her to change herself to accommodate you and that is definitely bridezilla-ish lol. So, if she is normally a little more on the crazier side, let her do her thing - you love her for who she is so why make her change. The whole day is centered around you, no one can take the focus from a beautiful bride on her wedding day. But if you feel like she is randomly dying her hair crazy just because she feels like it, maybe share with her your feelings and if she cares about you then she will take your thoughts into consideration. Asking someone to be in your wedding should feel like an honor and a privilege and should be treated as such.

People are not props. If you care so much about aesthetics that you feel like you are entitled to dictate what people do with their bodies then just hire models that meet your aesthetic to pose for the pictures instead of treating your friends and family like their only value is as a photo prop. Additionally, if you just can't stand that the focus won't be 100% on you and only you in the photos then just don't have anyone else included in them.

It's very disturbing how many people are willing to treat others poorly for "perfect" pictures. It's not a celebrity editorial photo shoot. The bridal party are the couple's closest friends and family, real people with their own personalities and feelings. They shouldn't be treated as if they're nothing but background decorations for a one day party. Life goes on as normal after the wedding. Is it really worth damaging relationships in pursuit of getting the same perfect pinterest pictures that seemingly every other couple has?

I would talk to her and let her know you would appreciate if she kept it neutral for the wedding as long as she hasn’t colored her hair yet.


It’s going to be the first thing people will point out in pictures. If she can hold off then why not? I think the least you can do is talk to her and let her know how you feel about it. The rest is on her. You can force her. But I would be damned if a bridesmaid pulled that on me. I get what people are saying that we choose them and who they are blah blah blah. But hellooooo you should know me too. And you should be considerate. That’s just how I feel. It’s different is she already has her hair colored and you made it a condition for her to be in the wedding. But in this case?! No, you can hold off.

View Quoted Comment Absolutely agree with this

As a former bridesmaid who also loves experimenting with super fun hair colors, I intentionally re-dyed my hair to a "normal" color for my bestie's wedding. It felt respectful to her? At the same time, your bridesmaid won't be in all of your wedding pictures - just the group pictures. You'll have your portraits with your spouse that will be just the two of you and those will be the ones you'll really cherish anyway. Just think - 20 years from now she'll come visit and you'll pull up the photos and you both can laugh about her hair choices!

Another thought: there are still 6 months until the wedding which is plenty of time for her to get bored with the red and black and change it back!

ALl that being said, I honestly wouldn't worry too much about it. She's your friend, and she knows you.

I mean my sister dyed her hair pink 4 months before my wedding and its in August this year, I just had her change her dress color so it could at least be complimentary, its their personal choice to change their appearance and brides shouldn't have a say in it, at least she told you at all that she was doing it. I understand why you are upset I was too but at the end of the day its their choice and you either have to make do with it and embrace it or kick them out of the bridal party if you don't want it to "ruin" your photos.

This is all so ridiculous. Ya'll really think guests are going to be too busy thinking "wow look at the bridesmaid with unnatural hair!" to pay attention to the bride and groom?