Help! My bridesmaid was to dye her hair black and Red??

View Quoted Comment Right. I'd hate to see how these girls would be if their close friends were covered in tattoo, (sorry I know you're my bff but your tattoos aren't classy and will ruin the atheistics of my wedding so these reasons are why you won't be a bridesmaid) like for real. 🙄

View Quoted Comment Unfortunately, I think there are an insane amount of bridezillas who actually feel and act that way. Tbh, if the aesthetic of their wedding photos means more to them than embracing and supporting their friends, they don’t deserve those friends.

If my friend asked me to change my appearance for a couple of photos, not only would I drop out of the wedding so fast, but our friendship would probably be over. I would hope that everyone here loves their friends for who they are, and not what they look like. Women have enough body image issues to begin we. We don't need our best friends telling us that the way we are isn't good enough.

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I think there's a difference between politely asking someone to wait to do something, and dictating what they can and can't do. In this case, I really think it's fine to ask if she minds waiting until after the wedding to dye her hair bright red and black, but if she doesn't want to wait, then that's something the OP and her BM have to handle together. There have been other great suggestions mentioned in this forum that I think OP and her BM can take a look at to see if it works for them!

I'm not for telling people "it's my day get over it", but I am for people being considerate and going about things in a polite way. I'm just saying that I get why OP has hurt feelings, but I also understand what everyone else is saying about not dictating things just because it's your wedding day.

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Well said!

I started dyeing my hair about 4 years ago because a stylist friend of mine wanted to work on dyeing using multiple colors. The first dye job I got from her was galaxy hair (blues, greens, purples, and pinks) and it was AMAZING! I've wanted to dye my hair since I was a kid but wasn't allowed to when I was under 18 and couldn't afford to until the stylist friend was working on that stuff. I've generally had colored hair since then. The one time I didn't was when I worked in a law office for about 5 months. I had to go back to a natural color for that and it was absolutely soul-sucking. After finally being able to do what I'd wanted to do with my hair for over half of my life, having that option stripped away was horrible.

Dyeing your hair is so much more than just having a different color than you had before. It involves a lot of time (galaxy hair took about 6 hours), money (galaxy cost about $300), damage done to your hair, and that doesn't even get into how it affects your personality, mood, etc. I'm not sure exactly why your friend started dyeing her hair in the first place, but I honestly don't think it matters. It's what she's decided to do and she's invested a lot of time, money, and thought into it.

If someone asked me to change the color of my hair back to a natural color to be a bridesmaid, I would honestly be really hurt. That's also a fairly personal thing, and your friend may very well not react exactly as I would. I don't think the wig idea is horrible, and that may go over a bit better than asking her to change her hair color. However, with a wig you're literally asking her to cover up a part of herself and that may also not go over well. Ultimately what you do is your decision, but I would caution against asking her to change her hair color or even wear a wig for this day. My best suggestion would be to see if she can maybe style it in a way that mostly hides the red and makes the black more prominent. (If my hair were Harley Quinn colors - which I've actually done before - I totally wouldn't be offended by that at all.) If you do decide to ask her to dye her hair a natural color or wear a wig, I really think you should be the one paying for the wig or the dye job. Asking her to wait to dye her hair until after the wedding might be fine also, but if she's dyeing it for Halloween that isn't exactly an option. There are a lot of variables here, so it may help to talk to her and get a better understanding of why she's dying her hair in the first place.

Her hair, her choice 🤷.
It may go against your colors but I would never tell someone what to do with their body. It's frustrating that it will go against your colors and I would be annoyed to but i wouldn't tell my friend to not do what they want to their body.

Does your friend normally dye her hair unnatural colors? If so, I think I don't think there's a whole lot you can do, as its part of who your friend is and something you could have anticipated and considered before asking her to be in your wedding party.

I do think there is a difference between asking someone to change something and asking them to maintain the status quo just a bit longer. If you were asking your friend to change her hair in a specific way, I would say that's not okay, but asking your friend not to change her hair until after your wedding (assuming its relatively soon) doesn't seem all that harmful to me.

If this is her first time going for something so bold, I don't feel there is any harm is asking if she could delay going black and red and keep the more natural color she currently has until after your wedding. She may very well be like "oh sure, no big deal, I'll just dye it after" but if not, you accept she will have black and red hair and focus on other things. In no way do you demand that she wait to dye her hair or pressure her to do something she isn't comfortable with.

View Quoted Comment Do you really not see that what you are suggesting is that brides choose their bridesmaid based on the person’s physical appearance? I can’t imagine how my friend’s physical appearance would have any bearing on whether or not I chose them to be in my wedding. I suppose I look a little deeper into who a person is when making friendship choices.

View Quoted Comment You're welcome to have your opinion, but this is mine. The bride is completely justified in her hesitations. It's not like I'm telling people to pick a certain "type" of bridesmaid. It's not like she's asking anyone to lose weight or get plastic surgery. Dying your hair a wild color shortly before the wedding is completely unfair to the bride. To me, it's the same as makeup, shoes, or hairstyle. Often times, brides give bridesmaids direction in the hairstyle choices, makeup color pallets, and type of shoes. If a bride doesn't want an outlandish hair color taking center stage in her wedding, I don't think that's unreasonable. And my point of that comment you are referring to is that it just took her by surprise to be dealing with this issue at all. I NEVER suggested that she shouldn't have chosen her friend just because of crazy colored hair. All I said was that it was UNEXPECTED, so you can stop putting words in my mouth.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this 100%. You ask people to be in a wedding because of who they are and your relationship with them, not their physical appearance (well... at least I’d hope people aren’t that shallow!). The majority of wedding photos with the wedding party are limited to an album and not largely displayed, so I don’t see how photos would be a legitimate concern.

View Quoted Comment That’s what I think too. You don’t ask someone to change their hair for your wedding but the fact she’s going with such vibrant colors for/before your wedding is a bit much. It’s not a hill to die on but I think it would be fine to say of course she can do whatever she wishes but if she’s willing to wait until after your wedding to go color crazy, you’d appreciate it.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for literally putting words in my mouth. Always appreciated.
Some of my bridesmaids (including her!) ARE covered in tattoos. They were when I asked them to be in my wedding, and I love and support them and their tattoos. I just feel like her hair is entirely different. It's changeable - not permanent. If Im allowed to ask my bridesmaids to spend money on dress/shoes/makeup/hairstyle/etc. then I feel like there is a completely justifiable level of aesthetics I can ask for.
Also, once again, have NOT said anything to her. I'm here asking for advice on what to say/suggest - IF ANYTHING - to my dear friend who will be standing with me on my wedding day no matter what.

View Quoted Comment What color is her hair now?

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This is such a good answer.

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Agreed. Asking your BM to change is different than asking her not to change, or to wait until changing until after the wedding. It would be a different scenario if you were asking your friend who always has hot pink hair to dye it brunette or blond before the wedding.

View Quoted Comment I think this is where the confusion is coming in. The OP eluded to the fact that the BM already has wild colored hair (and has been dying her hair unnatural colors for a year now). So she would just be going from one unnatural color to another. So it’s not like the BM has blonde or brown hair now and is making a drastic change to an unnatural color. So I’m not sure if maybe the unnatural color it is now goes better with OP ‘s color scheme? Or if she just likes the color it is now better? Or if she is wanting the BM to actually change the current unnatural color to a natural color for the wedding.

View Quoted Comment She did state in the post "I didn't think I had to request neutral hair colors" and "Do you think it's unreasonable for me to ask her have her hair a natural color for the wedding"


So it seems that she would want this girl to change her unnatural hair color to a natural color.

View Quoted Comment She also commented later that the BM has been dyeing her hair unnatural colors for a year. So I’m assuming the BM has an unnatural hair color already at this point. Which means she would be asking her to change the color of her hair for her wedding- not asking she wait to do something drastic until after the wedding. Neither of which I personally find acceptable, but asking to wait would be a little less offense and problematic (in terms of cost, time and damage to hair) than asking her to actually change her appearance. I think the best solution would be to simply accept the friend as is. But if the bride is just completely unable to let go of the aesthetics of her wedding/photos, then I stand by having a super kind heart to heart with her asking if she would mind wearing a cute wig (which the bride would pay for) for the ceremony and photos, which could be taken off for the reception. If my close friend requested that of me, I wouldn’t take offense and would happily oblige.

View Quoted Comment Oh I completely agree with you on that

Her hair won't be the focal point, so just ignore it. You cannot require that people's own bodies or hair color conform to your colors. Not your choice to make. People are pretty used to rainbow hair after 35 years of it being common. Relax.