Help! My bridesmaid was to dye her hair black and Red??

I think some of us are going into this assuming that her hair is already dyed a wild color, hence why they're concerned about the time and money it would cost to change it back. Maybe I'm wrong, but from your original post, I'm getting that her hair isn't currently dyed a crazy color?? If that's the case, and her hair is a natural color right now, then I still think it's reasonable to ask her if she minds waiting until after your wedding to dye it.

I also noticed that you said "she's going to be getting it dyed for the wedding anyway...". Does this mean she planned on dying it another wild color...or was going to go more natural? Idk now I'm confused lol.

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This is really valuable insight, Courtney! I'm curious to know your perspective on the following question.....what if the bridesmaid did the "outer" part of her hair black (you can tell i'm not a hairstylist by my lack of knowledge of the terms lol) and the "under" part red? Like where the red shows out from under the black part when her hair is down? My friend recently did the "under" part of her hair rainbow colors, and I think she did it that way because it shows when she wants it to, kinda, and it also looks really cool in a ponytail...but if she doesn't want to show it, one would just see her natural brown hair color. I'm curious to know if that option would be a cool middle ground or still just kinda offensive and kinda missing the entire point? Thank you again for your perspective!

View Quoted Comment OP said she already has wild colored hair and has been doing unnatural colors for a year

View Quoted Comment Guests are welcome to do whatever they please, but being part of the wedding party means you have added responsibility 🤷🏻‍♀️ Do what you please at your wedding, but not all brides desire to have grown women with crazy colored hair in their formal pictures. Unnaturally colored hair most certainly takes away from classy, adult functions.

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Right. I saw where she said she's been doing it since the pandemic, I was just wondering if right now it's colored a wild combo like bright red and black. I like your suggestion about the wig also, it's a great way to compromise but not damage her hair!

View Quoted Comment I’m not sure if the BM would find the idea of a wig offensive, but she did already agree to wear a specific dress for the ceremony, so maybe she would just view the wig as an “accessory” the bride is requesting, since it is something she can just put on & take off like clothing.

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I agree with that. It's a good option that's different from asking her to wait to dye her hair or anything of that nature.

View Quoted Comment She has had unnatural colors for a year so it's not like she is doing this to try to ruin the look of your wedding. Other than the dress you really can't treat people like your personal barbie doll all because they are in your wedding, and tons of people on this site don't even believe you should make them wearing matching dresses. If this is something she is doing during the pandemic I'd leave it be. What if she is battling depression because of the pandemic and this is the only thing in her life that brings her joy or she has control over, and then you come to her trying to control that and take that joy from her.

View Quoted Comment Exactly perfectly said Courtney 👏👏👏
A lot of people getting married seem to lose sight of whats important, tend to become selfish. I've seen on this site brides upset because one of their bridesmaids became pregnant and is going to somehow take away from the brides moment, I've seen brides upset because their friends/relatives/bridesmaids are planning a wedding the same year as theirs, and I have seen brides on her upset because of the color of a bridesmaid hair. It's absolutely ridiculous. These are people whom I'd guess since their in the wedding you are closest with, so why are you going to treat them like they are just props.

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I think suggesting anyone color their hair a specific way/style away from what they're currently planning just to suit them being in a wedding is a little uncouth. They'll have that style for months after, and if it's not what they want it can be frustrating.

If you go to the salon and get a bad cut/color and have to deal with it for months because you don't have the money to fix it it can really drag your mood down into depression. That's what I would equate this suggestion to personally.

I think you just have to embrace it, because they're you're friend and living their life. OP's friend is doing her hair red one side and black on the other, asking her to change her plan to what your friend had done really doesn't line up with the vision she probably has.

Also, Elizabeth, so glad to know that my wedding cannot possibly be classy and elegant because I'll have brightly colored hair. It's good to know that I don't have to try as hard anymore since there's no way to achieve it. Because goodness me, if a bridesmaid having vibrant hair makes it impossible to have a classy event I can only imagine what kind of steps it takes when the bride is the one who has it.

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Thank you!

When I first did my galaxy hair I spent 6 hours in the chair achieving that look. When I started a new job that didn't allow it (I'm squeaking by with quite a bit of bright blue right now that they haven't corrected yet) I spent another 2 coloring it with brown. I paid $100 for the color over.

To get back to the style I want for my wedding I'll likely spend another 6 hours minimum in the chair and pay over $300 to get the color I want. It will ruin the ends of my hair that have been bleached before, and will take a long time to get the brown that was dyed over last time to come out.

Vibrant hair is a huge commitment of time and money, but if someone asked me to be in their wedding as I am now and I had a chance to go back to my whole head of vibrant hair I would do it in a second, and honestly I wouldn't ask for permission either. I don't have to run my life choices by anyone, and if you don't want me in your pictures because you think my hair is distracting that's your prerogative, but it will change how I think of you.

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That last sentence is a little mean. Personally, the people I consider high-class in my life are people with good morals, patience and empathy. Not people with specific hair colours, so clearly everyone's different. Let's be kinder to each other.

I used to dye my hair all kind of crazy colors, my old best friend too. I had bright yellow braids at one point and they looked amazing. My old best friend looks GREAT with pink hair. However, she would have dyed it a neutral color if I asked her to for a special occasion no problem. It depends on how close you are with this person and if you can ask them without offending them. Your bridesmaid having dyed hair won’t make her any less beautiful, however, if you have a vision, you can say “that would look super cool! Would it be possible to have it a neutral color for the wedding? Maybe I can even help you dye it back afterwards?” Or something like that.

View Quoted Comment You are correct, I became a little harsh there. I didn't appreciate being told that I couldn't have an opinion and might have gotten a little hot headed there! My apologies

I think the main issue of the bride who posted this question is that it sounds like she wasn't aware of this when the bridesmaid was first asked to be part of the wedding. It's certainly a big change to adapt to at this point in the wedding, and she was just taken by surprise.

View Quoted Comment Agree 1000%! I’ve never done any vibrant hair colors, but I did hop on the grey mushroom and rose gold trend. Each dye job cost me $200+ each. Then to get back to my usual blonde took over 6 months, $800 (not including tips), and considerable damage to my hair.

It's 2021...why are people still clutching their pearls at "unnatural" hair colors?

I would ask her as to why she is making these changes, or ask her if she could change it after the wedding. While she can do whatever she wants because it is her hair, I do understand how it could stick out for your wedding if you're going for a certain look. So, this is a tough one. I would just have an honest open conversation with her if it truly does bother you and maybe you guys can come up with a compromise

I read all of the responses and can see validity with many different opinions on this topic, but the bottom line for me is this: Relationships are more important than aesthetics or photos.

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Agree with this.