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Savvy May 2018

Gahhhh! receiving off-registry items: rant/needing advice

Claire, on February 20, 2018 at 7:02 PM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 117

After lovingly curating a painstaking registry for both honeymoon (Disney) and home stuff (Amazon) so that people can pick how they want to give us stuff, my mother has informed me that the first person I gave the registry info to - my aunt - has decided to "generously" give me an off-registry item...

After lovingly curating a painstaking registry for both honeymoon (Disney) and home stuff (Amazon) so that people can pick how they want to give us stuff, my mother has informed me that the first person I gave the registry info to - my aunt - has decided to "generously" give me an off-registry item "because she thought I would like it."

How to deal with this? It's very, very extremely annoying that someone would go out of their way to ask for my registry information, look at it (I know she looked at it because she apparently commented to my mom that she was concerned I wouldn't have enough household items, even though I've been living on my own with my husband for 2 years now), and then go buy something else!

So here's my question... Should I put something on my wedding website on the registry page about "if you choose to purchase a gift, please get it from the registry"? I'm really not going to be very graceful as it is about these non-registry gifts, because if you want to know whether I will like a gift, GET SOMETHING FROM THE REGISTRY. Don't try to figure out what OTHER things I might like.

My other question is, am I being totally unreasonable and/or a Bridezilla here? I feel like I'm not, but would love some feedback from other current, future, and/or previous brides. Smiley smile Thanks in advance.

117 Comments

  • PHXBride
    Expert February 2018
    PHXBride ·
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    Some of my favorite gifts were off registry items! People came up with such cute gifts!
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  • Alforev
    VIP August 2018
    Alforev ·
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    Wowww... I guess that’s a privilege to be upset with people for buying you gifts. 🤷🏼‍♀️

    Also you’ve already been married two years? Why the registry in the first place??
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  • B
    Dedicated May 2019
    Bride2Be ·
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    Call it what it is then, a celebration of your marriage, don't call it a wedding.
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  • C
    Savvy May 2018
    Claire ·
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    I guess I don't understand what's wrong with having a delayed wedding celebration and delayed honeymoon when we were saving up for several years. I feel sorry for your friend that everyone is boycotting.

    I will reiterate that I do not feel entitled to gifts and I think my rant gave the wrong impression. I really hope no one chooses not to attend my event because they think I'm selfish.
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  • C
    Savvy May 2018
    Claire ·
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    Yeah that was definitely insane of me to suggest... I will not be telling people to only buy from my registry! Smiley xd
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  • MrsNerd
    Master October 2016
    MrsNerd ·
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    Yes. You’re being a rude, ungrateful bridezilla.

    My parents got married in a courthouse almost 45 years ago. They’re gonna be SO BUMMED when I tell them that they’re not “really” married.
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  • Alforev
    VIP August 2018
    Alforev ·
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    This made me LOL...

    seriously though I’m amazed at the audacity of some people
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  • C
    Savvy May 2018
    Claire ·
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    Pretty sure you're aware college graduation "registries" are not a thing.
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  • C
    Savvy May 2018
    Claire ·
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    As I have mentioned, I meant my real wedding celebration. I love the total skewing of my intention and ignoring of my actual words.
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  • starsinwaves
    VIP November 2018
    starsinwaves ·
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    I’m going to slightly disagree with some here and say I think what you’re doing for the wedding celebration is fine. And I think having a registry is fine since people are asking for one. However, I would not put it on your website and I would only let people know if they ask. Or have your parents/MOH/BM tell people who ask.

    Not even going to address your original original question because I think it’s been adequately answered.
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  • B
    Dedicated May 2019
    Bride2Be ·
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    Again, marriage celebration, call it what it is. People are calling you out on it because you're giving things skewed definitions.
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  • Heather
    Expert March 2018
    Heather ·
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    Hi wedding planner here. No offense but your being a bridezilla. Yes you registered but some people are not comfortable making a honeymoon contribution and if the registry doesn't have enough items your limiting choices. I usually tell my brides that want honeymoon help and Dont need things to simply not register at all. People will get the hint. There still is a chance people will buy gifts..accept them and be happy.
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  • MrsNerd
    Master October 2016
    MrsNerd ·
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    Not skewing. *Literally* using your actual words. You first put “wedding” in quotations, and then said “never had a real wedding”. Just, for what it’s worth. Have a great night!
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  • C
    Savvy May 2018
    Claire ·
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    Thanks for your input. I agree that the registry may be restrictive and I think that's what happened for my aunt. I have asked my mom to spread the word more loudly that people genuinely don't need to give us gifts. I feel like the website message maybe isn't convincing enough?
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  • Forestwed
    Master May 2018
    Forestwed ·
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    There isn’t anything wrong with having a larger celebration later except that you’re calling it a wedding. You’re already legally married. You have a wedding license. You can’t get remarried. You will be renewing your vows and having a celebration of marriage/ vow renewal party. Even if you didn’t say traditional vows at the courthouse, it doesn’t matter. You’re still legally married and can’t redo it. It’s a vow renewal.
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  • Forestwed
    Master May 2018
    Forestwed ·
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    You aren’t a bride, you’re a wife.
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  • C
    Savvy May 2018
    Claire ·
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    No, I'm talking about a post in which I clearly and plainly explained that by wedding I meant celebration, which you overlooked in your gleeful preparation to rip me a new one by referencing your parents and how disappointed in me they would be if they only knew how much I disrespected them.
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  • B
    Dedicated May 2019
    Bride2Be ·
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    There's nothing wrong with celebrating now, you just can't call it a wedding.
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  • Ashley
    VIP December 2018
    Ashley ·
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    I mean it more along the lines of I think one of her other grandkids would appreciate it more, I feel it is her pushing us to have kids since it's something she brings up frequently, but we've been pretty clear. I feel bad if she gives it to us when one of my cousins (who all want kids) would really appreciate the gesture and use it for what she wants it to be used for. I really don't feel comfortable receiving it :/

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  • C
    Savvy May 2018
    Claire ·
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    See this confuses me. So are you saying that essentially all wedding celebrations following the courthouse wedding are null and are therefore vow renewals, even if they occur within hours of said courthouse event? You must be, since all of them are celebrations of marriage and have nothing to do with legality.

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