Gahhhh! receiving off-registry items: rant/needing advice

You could put: If you choose to bring a gift - please bring a canned or non-perishable food item for the local food bank.

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Oh fantastic. All of these things are very frustrating. All you can do is smile and nod...

So basically this is a "Celebration of Marriage" (aka vow renewal), You can call it whatever you want, but don't expect your officiant to consider it a wedding, to them it technically is a vow renewal. There is an actual legal distinction.

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Do you claim yourself as married on legal documents? If so, you had the real wedding.

For a vow renewal, I'd expect a lot of off-registry gifts, since there aren't typically registries for vow renewals.

It also is less than convincing that you say you don't expect certain gifts and your guests presence is your preferred present, but yet here you are complaining about getting the "wrong" gift.

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Ahhh....thanks for clarifying. Lots going on here but, all I will say that you should just be grateful you have received any gifts at all. Also, a courthouse wedding is very much a real wedding and to call it anything less is insulting to couples who have opted to go this route. Their marriage is every bit as valid and important as anybody else's.

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It is a celebration of marriage, sure. I don't mind calling it that. But to my family, it's a delayed wedding. No one thinks it's a vow renewal.

I'm not really sure why the legal side matters here, seeing as wedding celebrations (whether in a church, garden, or loft) are completely distinct from the courthouse proceedings. I mean that's a discussion for a completely different thread, IMHO.

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Sigh... I'm not trying to insult anyone. Obviously. You're looking for negativity where I was not intending it.

View Quoted Comment Many people have courthouse weddings, and they are very "real". Implying that a court house wedding isn't a real wedding is very rude.
And being ungrateful for any gift you receive (even if it wasn't on your registry) is also very rude. And Yes, unreasonable also.

I don't understand why "generously" was in quotations. Is it not generous to get someone a gift when they really don't need one?

I get being frustrated when she was one of the people who asked you to make a registry, but people will ALWAYS buy you things you don't need or want. Family will buy pieces for your home that absolutely do not match your decor. People will buy you clothes and jewelry you hate. People will buy your kids another doll house or kitchen set, even though you already have one (or two, or three!). You smile, thank them, and think about how you can somehow use what was thoughtfully given to you.

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You wrote "so this is the real wedding". Do you realize how insulting that is to all the couples who married at the courthouse - just like you- and know that the courthouse ceremony was the real wedding?

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As I said above, I didn't intend to imply a courthouse wedding wasn't real. Also, I am aware of the legal, emotional, and spiritual repercussions for many couples, and what I was in fact saying was that for ME, this celebration is the actual wedding CELEBRATION, whereas the courthouse wedding was the legal aspect and involved no family celebration. I am excited for this wedding celebration because our family and friends will be here with us. GEEZ you guys are being rude about it.

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I get it. I'm just of the mentality that if someone has a wish list, go to that first. I assume that it's been created for a reason.

In cases where there isn't such a list, I realize that someone may get me something that I already have or that I don't want, and in that case it's not as big a deal. And this is not a big deal either, obviously, and appreciate her thinking of me! I just felt annoyed and wanted to rant anonymously to the Internet. As I have done.

But... as I mentioned, if someone has a curated wish list, I tend to assume it's there for a reason. I usually ask family members around Christmas if they have an Amazon wish list, for example.

If someone gives you an off-registry gift, you thank them for their thoughtful gift, just like you would for any gift you might receive that was actually on your registry. If it's something you really can't find a use for, then you can exchange it if a gift receipt is provided, you can try to figure out on your own where it came from and possibly exchange it without a receipt if it's under a certain amount, or you can donate it. But you should accept the gift graciously, no matter what you decide to do with it later.

You absolutely cannot put a warning anywhere or tell someone face-to-face that if they're getting you a gift, they HAVE to buy from your registry. A gift registry is a guideline and any guest who wants to give you something is free to give you anything they feel is appropriate, whether it's on your registry or not. I'm saying this as someone who did receive a number of off-registry gifts, some of which were duplicates of things DH and I already owned or things that we just won't end up using. Some of our off-registry gifts were actually quite meaningful and we love, like the personalized, decorative cutting board my cousin and his wife gave us at one of our showers. Not all off-registry gifts are horrible.

As for the being married for two years thing, though, it's not typical for couples to have a wedding registry when they are already married. The time to receive wedding gifts was when you actually got married. Having a wedding registry two years later for a celebration of marriage is not how it works.

You are being a brideszilla. Some of my favorite gifts were off registry. They were things I wouldn't have thought of and I think they showed a lot of thoughtfulness. Such as matching passport covers.

What did she get you that was so offensive?

im not even gonna touch on the honeymoon registry when you’ve been married two years I had a friend do the same thing, asking for $10,000 worth of honeymoon “items” when they’ve been married a year and are having a vow renewal. Let me tell you, a lot of people are not attending the renewal they have planned for this year and no one has donated to their honey fund either because they feel like it’s selfish to ask for so much when they’re already married. Not calling you selfish, just saying how it may come across to some people

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Yeah I understand. One thing you'll find on WW is that people will be brutally honest with you and tell you things you don't want to hear, haha.

I've been on the reverse side where my friends have gone around and given their family members wish lists, basically telling them what to buy. It's kinda gross.

This is the most ungrateful thing I've ever heard.

View Quoted Comment I agree 100% I almost can't believe this is really coming from an adult...

When i buy people gifts i take time to think about that person and what they would like. It would hurt my feelings if someone doesn't like what i bought for them. You should be grateful they even purchased you a gift and not complain because they didn't buy you what was on your registry.

I get how that can be frustrating, but you can't tell guests what to give you. Registries are helpful, but if someone told me I had to buy from and only from their registry I would go out and find something tacky for their gift.