fmil dress Blues!!!! help Me!!!!

I would just let them wear what they want but if they agreed to work with you then maybe you can let them choose the dress and it be in a color you prefer.

View Quoted Comment I have no problem with her picking her own dress ..... however bare in videographer $1,000 / photographer $1400 which me n my FH are paying for as well a grey dress to match her son's tux is out of the question...... furthermore a grey ball gown which technically looks like a wedding dress no acceptable

Dang! I mean even if she chose the style of the dress, I would think she'd still respect the COLOR at least. I'm gonna pray for you girl.

View Quoted Comment Thank you jasmine!! I knew once u saw this post u were most definitely going to comment!! I gave suggestions that's all.... she didnt like her original dress I picked out at David's bridal which was cool but I will not tolerate her wearing grey! That's going to throw things off in my opinion I will post color swatches below for u to see how they compliment each other versus her wearing GREY....... the " hint of mint" dress posted is from Kleinfeld..... when she got word I "MIGHT" purchase my mom a custom dress then all of a sudden now she wants one or considering getting one as well

Honestly, I don't see any issue with that grey dress. I think it looks elegant. Traditionally, the parents of the bride and groom only need to match the formality of the event. Color, style, and fabric is up to them. Any formal gown will look like a bridal gown in white/ivory. I would honestly just leave it be. There are so many bigger things to worry about and you still have over a year for your wedding. My mom and MIL didn't buy their dresses until about 4-5 months out.

View Quoted Comment I respect your opinion however if she wears a ball gown she will be escorted out of the venue by security.... I have posted dress "suggestions" I sent to her however a evening gown as mother of the groom is no not needed especially since the dresses her own mother wore which she paid for were not ball gowns however both her wedding dresses were....


As of right now she is looking which is cool ... I have picked out swatches but nothing has been paid for with the exception of course for vendors

Actually the MOG did well and I really like the gray dress the best. It’s very pretty and it looks much more elegant, classy and “motherly” than the green bridesmaid looking dresses. Also if your mom might get a custom made dress, why can’t MOG too? But, regardless, nothing anyone can wear will ever upstage the bride or take the attention away from her that night.

View Quoted Comment I see. I mean i get you have a vision and with her wearing that gown she showed you will toss everything sideways if it's not what you wanted. She can still have her freedom of choice just not color. It's your wedding, after all. I figured she would at least respect what you're trying to accomplish. She wildin.

View Quoted Comment THANK YOU JASMINE!!! THAT'S ALL I AM SAYING!! SHE HAS COKOR COLORS I AM NOT A DICTATOR BY ANY MEANS !! MY BRIDESMAIDS I SELECTED A COLOR AND A FEW DRESS OPTIONS FOR THEM TO WEAR (OVER 10) MY MOM N MY BONUS MOM (SISTER'S MOM) ARE ALLOWING ME TO PICK THEIR ENTIRE WHEN SHE SAID SHE DIDNT LIKE WHAT I PICKED I DID NOT CONFINE HER BUT COME ON MAN SPA/HINT OF MINT/TIFFANY BLUE TIES N HERE SHE GO WIT A GREY DRESS N GET HER MOM A GREY DRESS TO.... YOU SEE HOW THATS GOING TO THROW THE PICTURES OFF... THE PHOTOGRAPHER COST $1400 FOR 8HRS JASMINE..... $1400 ..... I DONT MINE PAYING IT NOT A ISSUE MA'AM JUST AT LEAST SHIW ME THE DRESS U WANNA WEAR OR HAVE DESIGNED I DONT THINK THATS TOO MUCH TO ASK SINCE SHE PRACTICALLY UNINVITED ME TO HER WEDDING LAST SEPTEMBER BECAUSE I WASN'T TALKING TO HER ABOUT SOMETHING SHE STARTED WITH ME .... SO I DIDNT SHOW UP OR NOTHING I LET JER HAVE HER MOMENT DIDNT EVEN BOTHER TO BRING UP THE DISAGREEMENT NOW THAT WE ARE ON TALKING TERMS (FUTURE FH IDEA) DONT JUST USE THE FACT U SOMEBODY MOM TO DO YOUR OWN THING N FORCE MY HAND.... NO I AM NOT PAYING ALL THIS MONEY FOR 1 PERSON WHO THINKS THEY CAN NOT ONLY WEAR BASICALLY A GREY WEDDING DRESS TO MY WEDDING BUT NOT COORDINATE AND WANNA BE IN ALL THE PICS

View Quoted Comment The only reason she wanted a custom dress was because I mentioned I was thinking about buying my mother a dress before then she never said a word about it at all.... the dress is a grey wedding ball gown is the issue ..... I have no problem if she doesnt like my suggestions but wearing a ball gown is actually the root of my issue there is no need to wear a ball gown.... smh..... this is not even a power trip for me like..... if you read other post I have made about her maybe u will understand..... she is basically doing things her way n saying forget what I am talking about n my wished she will do as she please when she please and there is nothing I can do about it is basically how I am being treated at this point .... I love elegant gowns dont get me wrong however wearing that dress or getting anything made to resemble a ball gown is out of the question

View Quoted Comment Here is background on what I am dealing with in case u feel like reading


https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-forums/wedding-blues-petty-fmil-issues/7e0f87a2f07ab751.html

Wow is all I can say. You would have you future MIl removed by security if she wears the wrong color and style of dress. Do you hear yourself and $1400 for 8 hours is cheap. try living in NYC where $2500 is going rate for 6 hours. Is the color and pictures that important that you would damage the relationship with your FMIL. I don't understand it. Yes you are entitled to be upset regarding color only. The dresses you chose are all for young bridesmaids the dress style she chose is sophisticated and for an older woman it says MOG/MOB dress. It's hard to see it when you are on the inside, but you are coming off very shallow about pictures. (sry just how your wording is coming through) Your wedding is 1 day, Your marriage is forever. Your relationship with your FMIl will be for the remainder of your marriage. Did you ever stop to think if you have his mom removed from the wedding how that will feel and look? I agree like I said that she should follow the color suggestion but unless you are paying for her dress it's just that a suggestion.

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👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

All of this.

View Quoted Comment Yea I️ agree. The price for your videographer is a steal. Also, are you paying for her dress? That’s the only way I️ see you having an actual choice of what she’d wear. Other than that, it’s just a suggestion. I️ agree The grey looks very maternal and doesn’t scream wedding dress to me at all. It is very stunning really and something I️ would Want my mother in law or even mother wearing. To me it’s not worth having tour FMIL kicked out. I can see if she was trying to wear a wedding dress. I️ can see if you were paying for it. I️ hope Y’all can work through this disagreement. But it’ll take work on both ends.

Also just read your other post and it sounds like you both have a lot of issues to work out and that could be where the animosity is coming from with choosing her dress. I️ think y’all should talk out your issues before it becomes something you can’t just talk out. She seems like the messy type with the whole talking about her son to you think but that could or also been her way of trying to bond with you. Trying to open a door she doesn’t truly know how to open. If you have the patience or care to have a better relationship with her for the sake of your fiancé you need to have a talk with her and so does your fiancé. It’s his mother and he needs to stand up for you and for himself. I️ think this is about more than a dress and it’s color. Y’all gotta work out some other stuff before y’all can get to that. Best of luck. Consider family group counseling. I know it may be costly but if you want to salvage your relationships and move on like adults y’all gotta have a discussion. A counseling is just one that has a moderator which I think you all need. Best of luck. 💜

It sounds like the two of you have a rocky relationship. But Vivian this is still YOUR wedding and I believe you should have the say in what your party wears. This is how you want YOUR wedding and your photos to look for your special day. They can wear something that you would like and in my opinion if they love and support you then that should not be too much to ask!

" I AM NOT A DICTATOR BY ANY MEANS "

No...not a dictator...but your words and actions are placing more importance on how your pictures look than how your FMIL looks AND feels on her son's wedding day. Your may not be saying these exact words, but your reactions to her are saying "I don't care about you".

My daughter and son-in-law allowed their mothers to pick whatever we wanted, in whatever color we wanted. Father of the groom had never worn a tuxedo before...father of the bride wanted to wear a tux. Guess what? They were the only guys in a tux. Groomsmen wore regular navy suits. Mother of the groom found a gorgeous burgundy dress that flatttered her and made her feel wonderful - it was the same color the bride had chosen for her bridal party (who, by the way, only had to pick a burgundy outfit...no particular shade, style or place to go buy... just burgundy...three different dresses and one in a burgundy suit). I chose a mauve gown that made me feel wonderful...completely different style than anyone in the wedding party...but my daughter made me feel special by telling me it was the prettiest dress she'd ever seen me wear.

Point is, let people look and be their best so that the smiles you see in those pictures (that will last forever) show the genuine happiness they will have on that day because you are getting married...because those smiles should be the focus, not the clothes they are wearing.

Tell her to go to jjshouse.com, there is a dress like the one she picked under prom dresses, but you can get it in a color that’s similar to what you wanted her to wear 😊

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Agree with all of this. You have no right to dictate what your wedding guests wear.

View Quoted Comment You kno what u are absolutely right however to me that's not an option due to the fact she has already attempted to mention the disagreement and attempt to have me agree wit her on how things went. I admit again u are RIGHT......!! Hands down but a person who do not accept their actions or basically justifies their a actions it's kinda pointless they have to feel or know they did something wrong.


Someone on this post mentioned her talking about her son to me was more along the lines of "bonding" the things that were said then actually hurt his feelings when he saw it..... which drove a deeper wedge between them..... (which I got blamed for) she even got upset the guest list not being longer and not having an allotment of guest.
But u guys are RIGHT...... after the many situations and encounters wit her my heart has harden to the point where it doesn't matter to me to remove her after the things that have been done. At this point I only tolerate her .... being completely honest with you guys my love for him keeps me at bay...... otherwise honestly ladies she wouldn't be invited .... she has betrayed me on so many levels and has said so many nasty things about me n basically chopped it up as "We" both disagree when each other points..... nah that wasn't it at all someone (her) purposely went out of their way to belittled me and hinder me after I cut off communication with her went out her way this entire year to speak to me and try to be cool with me ...... sorry ladies.....
I am indeed built different you can't stab me and then laugh n mock me and then months later try to be my friend and ask my FH about grandkids n try to be cool wit me afterwards....... can't burn a bridge n then think all is all good because you are someone's mom sorry not sorry