fmil dress Blues!!!! help Me!!!!

View Quoted Comment From here on out he will deal with her period.... I am gon b cool however 90 days prior I need to kno what's what.... otherwise I will personally uninvite her and dont care who she runs to .....

View Quoted Comment Thank you once again apparently from the 1,000 of comments on this post it's too girly or young looking when..... my mother will be 60yrs old when this wedding takes place and I have sent her different dresses to get her opinion (my mom makes her own dresses sometimes) my mom had nothing bad to say but also said she will wear whatever I want her to wear my bonus mom said the same thing not a problem and I chose to pay for their entire ......


I have showed my bride tribe to the dress examples and everybody thought they were pretty and flowy looking dresses because I wanted them to flat thru the room which is why my bridesmaids even have long flowy dresses so they can have that same effect. But again besides you n other not alot of ppl read the old post nor any of my comments because I am not trying to pick ANYTHING per say but as far as doing what u want to do when u want to do it..... she can do that in the comfort of her own home not at my event

View Quoted Comment Vivisn, just wanted to emphasize this! It is KEY to dealing with these secretive, controlling people!


"You can be nice and respectful and at the same time put your foot down."
Emphasis on the **put your foot down**! Society tends to run on a certain left of "niceness" and manipulators like her exploit and take advantage of this. Do not go with a false or incomplete definition of polite/nice, and know that you can still have manners while simultaneously being firm and having boundaries.
Be firm. Emphasize this to yourself. I know you will be polite since that is the type of person you are. Now you just need to be strong in your boundaries and not let anyone guilt or manipulate you into anything. Know when to walk away. Know when to tell her to stop. And know when to switch your mind from all the stress she's bringing, drop her, and move on into finishing your wedding planning and enjoying YOUR DAY. 💕
All the best.

View Quoted Comment




This is her reply to his message.....

Those screen shots are her reply to him saying what he said and him dealing with her it's fun n games right now but she will find out the hard way he not playing about me n my feelings

I get wanting the parents to wear a certain color but unless they asked , I wouldn't make them wear a certain color. Our parents asked what color and we gave them one. They also asked for our help in choosing a dress. They wanted us involved.. in your case , it seems that your FMIL does not want to wear mint and mint isn't a broad color. Maybe she doesn't think she will look good in mint. I feel like as long as she's in the color scheme will it really matter what she wears? She will happy and not only is it your wedding, but it's her son's wedding as well. So of course he wants his mother to be happy. I don't think you should kick her out of any pictures or the wedding that's rude. I agree with PP about working out your issues with her or you're going to have several issues in the long run not only with her but maybe your FH as well because he will be caught in the middle. I think you should take some time to relax , and really think about what's most important and how you can work out the differences with her. Good luck!

View Quoted Comment The issue was that she sent me basically a wedding gown in grey that was the issue yesterday. The dress has a train n it's a ball gown. Furthermore she basically doesn't like ANYTHING and wants to do things her way at someone else event. I talked to my FH last night about what she has been doing and how stressed I have been. My wedding is for ME not to appease anyone else. She has had 2 weddings wit 2 separate ppl and she has worn ball gowns to both. Her last wedding due to the fact I was NOT speaking to her (which is cool) i was NOT invited to last September however I dont think it's good taste to wear a ball gown wit a train to someone else wedding.


By no means did I constrict her to wear any dress I posted I simply posted different styles when she asked what fabric I said chiffon or tulle was acceptable and sent dress examples of those fabrics because she wanted to know.
I have answered all the women's questions gave her all info about the wedding and so has her son. She is frankly too much and honestly what's rude is wearing a ball gown wit a train to a wedding that isnt yours.... his day should be just that his day not another chance nor time to upstage nor wear a ball gown to an event you are not the center of. I am NOT the only one who stated ppl will be escorted out he feels the same way. I have no problem or issue being rude to someone who has went out of their way to be rude to me..... to belittle me and also mock me as well. She has also shunned me as well soooo as far as me being "Rude" I dont even look at it that way. If you are able to there is a link in the comments to a post I made back in October 2019 about her as well and maybe that would shed some light

Through this whole ordeal I have minded my manners and tone when dealing with her. However that does not give a person the right to talk to you any kind of way just because they are someone's mother. I have a 11yr old son and honestly if the tables were turned would not belittle or mock someone. I would let them know " aye there is a better way...." I would assist in help any way I can because that's the type of person I am. My bride tribe has had ENOUGH and want me to cut her out completely..... because if u have not read into it she was upset about not getting an allotment of guest to the wedding AFTER discussing the number of ppl with her son. she nicely disagrees with all of my wishes to the point I dont understand nor kno why she even bothers asking me questions if she had plan or wanted to do or own thing at this point.

After all that woman has said n done I am STILL attempting to work wit her on a day that's supposed to be about ME & FH. My own mother has not given me and issue and my mom is also a virgo just like his mom. My mom has been smooth sailing and I love it.... his mom is VERY DETAILED which is not an issue which is why I have answered all questions and also provided picture examples as well. However I give her an inch she wants the mile..... you can't do that at somebody else's event/wedding. That's like me coming to your wedding asking why you didnt serve "SHRIMP" when u kno I love shrimp and you knew I was coming. I kno for sure you would look at me funny and instantly have an issue. That's just an example but yea he talked to her and handled her last night so I am cool. She wont be wearing a ball gown wit a train.

What happens if one of your guests shows up in a ball gown? Will you have them escorted out?

It sounds like this is more about a power struggle and not necessarily a dress. Personally, I find the gray dress to be more of a MOB/FMIL dress over the light mint ones, as they all seem to resemble bridesmaid dresses, and any chiffon dress in a mint green color will likely be a bridesmaids dress. Also, have you seen the two colors together in full-length dresses and not just swatches? Is there another color that would coordinate with your wedding party while providing more options? This might allow your mother-in-law to find something that meets your guidelines while still looking the role of mother of the groom. Obviously your FMIL is a person you need to pick your battles with, and this might be an area you can compromise, since there will likely be more issues over the next year!

View Quoted Comment Lol no one else would or will wear a ball gown TRUST me I kno my family and I am pretty acquainted with his as well..... the only person who would try it would be my FMIL. That's is my aunts/my grandma/my bonus mom/my mother would not be that disrespectful nor have pour taste to wear a ball gown with a train.... you do see there is a train on the gown as well right? That was the issue was (past tense) my family wouldn't do that and frankly who wears a ball gown as a GUEST to a wedding lol .....??? My mom has been the best support a girl could ever ask for and has been married now 26yrs she gets me and wont allow anyone to ruin my moment to shine..... I am not sure if u read anything I have been saying but ..... that's honestly how I feel she has asked questions and asked for examples I have provided examples those dress were NOT for her to select from she asked for fabric preferences which is what I gave picture (chiffon &tulle) I never said anywhere she had to wear what I said.... I was asked a question about my wedding and after having the conversation she sent me a grey ball gown wit a train that was not chiffon or tulle..... so I ask u (mother of bride) if she really dint care about my opinion or how I felt then why ask me for color preference and fabric choice? If what she wanted to wear was a structure ball gown with a train? She could have skipped all those questions and sent me that correct??

View Quoted Comment

My mother-in-law wore a gorgeous navy blue ball gown to her granddaughter's (my daughter's) wedding...the bride thought she looked radiant, and it created a most special photograph when she and her husband of 58 years danced together. Sadly, my father-in-law died suddenly a month later and the picture that the professional photographer snapped that night of the two of them, my MIL swirling that gown on the dance floor, is priceless.

My own dress for my daughter's wedding had a train. My daughter (and many others at the event) thought I looked radiant, and she was thrilled that we both were able to wear dresses that we loved and made us feel beautiful at such a special event.

It sounds like your relationship with her is going to be tested for the rest of your life. The point here is that there are a lot more important things in life to take a stand on, This really isn't one of them.

View Quoted Comment If the bride was ok with those dress selections or allowed exceptions for those types of dresses then of course you would see an issue . I respect that... I respect that u were given that option and you guys glowed and shined within.... as u said your mother in law (her grandmother) and you her mother wore those gowns..... my mother hasnt mentioned it now if my mother wanted to wear a gown ABSOLUTELY I would allow it without a 2and thought. If his mother chose a gown with a train that was flowy ABSOLUTELY would be allowed


I explained that I was asked questions about colors n fabric choices PRIOR and she sent me that grey ball gown.... so as a mom of a bride why ask a question about colors n fabrics if u had no intentions on staying within those guidelines? That's all I am saying..... you daughter made sure u guys wore whatever you wanted within reason of course and didnt mind it 1 bit and I respect that
What I am saying is dont ask me a question if it's going to be over looked. A gown is acceptable BUT it has to be within reason. My grandmother has no idea I am getting married I will tell her in person when I fly to Chicago. I do not think or feel as a mother that your child or future daughter in law asking something as small as run it by me is TOO much to ask. If she had plans of doing her own thing her own way then there was NO point in asking for colors and fabrics.
I consider the grey ball gown with a train is considered a bridal gown in my book. However I NEVER said she had to stay confined to whatever I chose ....s he didnt like what I chose and asked if she could pick her own n asked for colors n fabric choices.
I foresee always having issues with her as well because she is controlling and likes things done her way and on her time and I am not going to ever be that way. I conform when need be but I will not bow to any other women's needs when it's about me and technically you are a guest. Her son spoke to her last night and made it clear her selection of a ball gown with a train is not acceptable. As long as me and him are on the same page nothing really else matters..... its 1 day I am saying for things to aline not a lifetime ... a 24 period of alignment isnt too much to ask

MOB and FMIL , and grandmothers need to be told how formal or casual a wedding is, and know when it is. Then it is up to them, like any guest or family member, to choose their own dress. The color they want. The style they want. They need not match or blend with any wedding colors. Not with bridesmaids' or groomsmen's colors, not with decorations. And it is considered rude for a bride to tell them to buy certain colors or styles, unless they come to you and say they want your help. FMIL clearly wants her own style, and colors.
So when your FMIL wants a different color, she may do that. If the guys are in suits, not tuxedos, then it is not most formal. So none of the women should be in a ballgown. A formal evening dress is fine, ballgown No. But chiffons and satins and laces in any color but white or cream, are okay. The bride is not the only one to wear those materials. Any guest or family may. They are supposed to wear the same formality as you, just one step down. I think you have gotten off on the wrong thing here. Since this is just bringing disagreement, just nicely tell FMIL any dressy cocktail or full length evening dress, except a ballgown, in any color but cream or white, is fine. Same with both grandmothers, and your mother. Then stay out of it. It is not your decision to make, and they do not need the bride's approval. Just back up a bit. check in a few months before the wedding to see if they are all set. ........ As to you paying photographers and photographers: You are paying them to record on digital or film the wedding as it was. You are not a director making a movie, and your family and friends are not paid models or actresses . Your bridesmaids and groomsmen need to wear a dress or suit you choose or approve. But you do not choose their hairstyles, or make-up personal jewelry.
And family and friends, guests or those participating as readers or soloists, all wear what they want, colors, styles, hair and makeup. They do not stop being independent people because they will be at your wedding. Brides telling everyone what to do, so they look the way she wants in pictures, have always been considered really rude. And you would not like a lot of angry people surrounding you, or not coming or not giving you any gifts, because they thought you treated them very rudely. People will end up angry if you continue to show your pictures matter more to you than any of your friends or family do.

Viv my friend, why are going back n forth with these people on here. You don't need to explain yourself to nobody. You said what you said. Everyone is not going to agree nor understand your situation. Stop responding

View Quoted Comment 10/4 you sho right ...... I am going to let that go foreal because its actually over n doen with

So I'm confused... you said earlier in this thread "the only grey would be the groomsmen suits/tux only ladies"... and that you would have your FMIL removed from the venue by security...



So since you would have your FMIL removed for having the audacity to wear that gray dress... then you'll have every guy who shows up in a gray suit removed? This sounds utterly ridiculous. It sounds like nothing that she wears (unless it's one that you picked out) will be acceptable for you, but it also seems like this is less about dresses and more about your dislike for her. You need to stop letting her words and actions have such an effect on you. She's gonna be petty and do whatever she does... don't stoop to her level. Smile and nod and go about your life. You can't control people... you can only control your reaction to them. Stop reacting and it'll stop being fun for her to be petty with you... it's like training a dog- negative reinforcement is still reinforcement. Ignore the negative behavior until the behavior changes. Only reinforce positive interactions.

I hear all of that way too well! My mil (we got married in May so everything changed) asked me when we got engaged if there was anything she couldn’t wear. I said, wear whatever you want, but not the same shade as the bridesmaids. So literally a million colors except for one.
I picked navy for the bridesmaids, and we all ordered our dresses. A week later she tells me she has the perfect dress and it’s navy but “no big deal right?” I said fine. Wear navy. I’ll have my mom wear navy too then. So my mom and I go and get her dress and I’m starting to get excited because we found the perfect dress and she looked gorgeous. So ok, navy for everyone will work.
I send my mil a picture of my mom in her dress and I tell her I’m really excited that everyone is wearing navy. My fiancé is excited for how the pictures will look and we decide to include his dad and my brother is complimenting tuxes (darker grey then the groomsmen) with navy ties. Perfect. My husbands dad is now more excited and feels included. Not ten minutes after this phone call to my fil, we got a call back from them saying that she is no longer wearing navy but now she is wearing black!!!! Are you kidding me!?! Put on the spot I said ok, but you’re really gonna stand out in the pictures when EVERYONE in the family is coordinated. So my fiancé decides he’s upset that she won’t wear navy and calls her back and says he wants her to wear the navy dress. She tells us that she got a necklace that will ONLY go with the black dress so “sorry! No can do!” She later admits it was only because black is slimming. (And navy’s not!?!?) The story ends with her getting a dress special made identical to the black dress but in navy. Her outfit cost more than mine. 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️ Point is. With some people, you just can’t win. Let her wear whatever she wants, but have your fiancé tell her he’d prefer if she matched with everyone else. She’s his problem. If she still chooses to wear whatever, she’ll look silly in the pictures not you. And then when all is said and done and she sees the pictures then she will know you were right. Haha but she won’t tell you! Good luck girl!!!

View Quoted Comment I ABSOLUTELY LOVE YOUR STORY AND I LAUGHED WHILE READING IT!! THANK YOU FOR THE LAUGH! HE DID TELL HER THAT HE PERFERS FOR HER TO WEAR THE COLORS SUGGESTED AND AFTER MY MELT DOWN HE SENT OUT A TEXT TO EVERYONE



SO YOU ARE RIGHT I DONT HAVE TO HANDLE HER N LETTING HIM IN ON MY STRUGGLE WITH HER HELPED ME SO MUCH N I LOVE HIM EVEN FOR FOR IT!! BUT THAT MAKES SO MUCH SINCE THE SITUATION GOT HANDLED LAST NIGHT BUT AS U CAN SEE BY THE COMMENTS ITS A LOT OF NEGATIVE INPUT ON A WEDDING ME N FH ARE PAYING FOR

Oh man, your FMIL sounds like a handful already and you’re not even married! 🤣


I know a lot of people on ww keep saying that you shouldn’t have family color coordinated because they’re not part of the wedding party. But, if you have it planned out that family will be matching for those wonderful photos then do it.
That’s what we did for our wedding. My mom and MIL asked me what they should wear and I said whatever makes them feel comfortable. I’ve never seen my mom in anything else other than shorts and a polo shirt so I knew getting her in a dress would be difficult. Eventually I decided that it would be nice to have the family looking like we were coordinated to the wedding, mainly because there was less than 10 of us for the ceremony.
Let me tell you, my mom had so much trouble finding something in “a shade of blue”. I didn’t even tell her it had to be navy or royal blue, it just had to be a “shade of blue”. She was still shopping literally a day before she had to fly, and was stressing me out cause she was “lazy” to go to the store to try on clothes. Eventually she said she found a shirt that flattered her body because she’s super self conscious about her belly, sure mom whatever you want. My husband said that he was so surprised I didn’t tell her no because it was silver and looked white in his eyes. I told him that I did see photos of it and she had “a shade of blue” dress pants to go with it. I wasn’t going to complain because it was stressing me out already. The photos do look nice with a color coordinated family I might add! I don’t regret having them in a similar color.
You should remind your FMIL that the color won’t match with the other women in the family. And let her custom make it, I bet she’s trying to feel included somehow. But, I understand completely what you’re going through! The stress is so reallllll

Honestly I'm letting everyone pick whatever they want as long as it's in the color pallet we picked. I'd anything can look like a traditional wedding dress so long as it's white.