fmil dress Blues!!!! help Me!!!!

*store to purchase dress she text me showing different dresses to get my ok. Finally was pleased with dress and wedding color I asked her to wear. It is a challenge. Hang in there. 😃

I'd pick a dress style (like no ballgown) OR the color. And then I withholding budge on that. There what I did with my first wedding.

I totally agree with counseling and trying to let DH deal with his mother. It appears she tries to bully you and hide her hand & disregard your wishes for the wedding as a ultimate middle finger to you. With toxic people you have to distance yourself as they feed off of your reactions. I wouldn't be surprised if she was pleased when you get upset. Never show her a reaction! I wouldn't go so far as to have her removed from the wedding as it's your FHs day as well and super hurtful, but I wouldn't let one monkey stop the show.

I really don’t see what the problem is? Sure “if it were white” it could be a wedding dress... but it isn’t white? Most dresses could look like wedding dresses if they were white.


Just let it go. She’s a grown woman. She can dress herself.

View Quoted Comment Yea that's a handful. I feel it girl. I hope everything works out.

View Quoted Comment Joneka u are truly the G.O.A.T for the reply you gave and I appreciate you! You have lifted my spirits like some of the ladies on this post who not only read this post but also the other post which I posted a link to in the comments pages back lol thank you so much..... I usually stay clear n stay away from his mom however he asked me to inform her wit all things about the wedding.... I will post for you what she said to him after he checked her about asking for an allotment of guest

Honestly I think your overreacting let her wear what she wants that dress is elegant and would look good

To be honest, I know my mom wouldn’t have worn any of the dress options there...but she and I worked together to find her a dress in burgundy. Ended up going with one from Lulu’s.
My FMIL hasn’t even asked about anything regarding our wedding, which is in November. When I asked my FH about asking his mom to wear burgundy or what song he wanted for the mother/son dance he says, “if she even shows up”
So I can understand your frustration. Unfortunately though, she is an adult and not in the wedding party itself, so you can’t exactly tell her what to wear. Hopefully she comes around and realizes that it’s really not a big ask to wear a specific color and she can find something that you both can live with.

View Quoted Comment Hope it all works out!

View Quoted Comment Ditto!!! I definitely want my mom and his mom to look good and beautifully shine, wearing whatever dress looks fab!

View Quoted Comment Vivian, first off, sorry that you are having to go through this.


Secondly, having dealt with 2 women who behaved like that, I would say PLEASE listen to your gut and be very careful. What your FMIL is doing falls under the category of Covert Manipulation. You will need very strong boundaries with her and may need to be ready for some slander.
People like this push you to get their way and feel a sense of power and control. They do this in ways that are socially acceptable to make you feel like you can't refuse (as you saw with the people earlier who called you a bridezilla).
Since she is already lying in her relationship with her son, and crossing boundaries (who looks through their son's phone??), I suggest you sit down and decide firmly what you want for your whole wedding day and ALSO your future relationship with her. Talk to your fiance. Let him know what she is doing. Take her words at face value and answer accordingly (even though you know her hidden agenda). The key is to bring this out into the light and not let her manipulate you through passive aggressive behavior and hidden, covert behavior. Don't be afraid to call her out in public. She has no qualms about doing it with you.
All the best. I hope you develop strong boundaries through this and that she won't affect your relationship with your husband. Stay strong. You are in this for the long haul. And, if you get the chance to move away to decrease her influence on him, I'd take it. Blessings on your future marriage.

View Quoted Comment And a quick thought on her message- do not feel the need to ask her about anything. This is your day, you and your fiance make the decisions and then inform your coordinator. This message is a guilt trip. Do not give in.


I've received messages nearly exactly like this. Be strong, think things through, and listen to your warning bells. Do not let guilt push you into anything!

Okay, so I read everything between the two posts. I am really sorry that many others on here did not. It surprises me. Anyways, I am sorry you are dealing with FMIL drama. All of that craziness plus wedding planning is not fun and can be very stressful. So I do agree with some other people on here for your reaction fuels her type of thing. I know that it can be hard not to, trust me I know. People like that I hope you can stay away from because they are really not healthy and live for the reactions of others. I know that you are being respectful when shes around but that's it. You don't owe her anything more. That's my opinion. Honestly, I would explain things to FH and really talk to him about how to go about this and if there is something he might be able to do. I think he needs to stick up for you and put his foot down, this is his and your day, not his mothers. I don't see any problems with you requesting her not to wear a ballgown nor having it in a certain color. Like that's okay by me that's not a HUGE request nor annoying to request. Question, did you have FH let her know that you would like for her to wear that color and not have a ballgown? I can't remember if you wrote it. Sorry!! I hope things get better!! You will be in my thoughts for a better outcome with this!!

View Quoted Comment Bethanny you get the WHOLE POINT I WAS MAKING EVEN TOOK TIME TO READ THE OLD POST I MADE BACK IN OCTOBER 2019 !!!! THANK YOU .... THANK YOU.... THANK YOU!! I HAVE WENT AS FAR AS I AM GOING TO GO PERIOD ..... I HAVE CALLED HER OUT ON PRIOR THING RIGHT AFTER THANKSGIVING WHEN SHE BLAMED ME BECAUSE HE REFUSES TO GIVE HER OUR FULL ADDRESS AND SHE DOESN'T HAVE HIS ACTUAL PHONE NUMBER!!!!! HE DID THAT TO US SHE WASN'T WELCOME AT OUR LAST HOME PRIOR TO US MOVING BECAUSE OF HOW SHE SHE N OUR CURRENT HOME SHE HAS NEVER STEP FOOT IN JUST THE PARKING LOT OF THE TOWNHOMES!! SHE HAS BEEN DOING THIS TO HIM FOR DECADES!!



I CALL HER OUT OR I JUST SAY FLAT OUT NO ABSOLUTELY NOT..... YOU GOT HER PEGGED HONEY!!!! THAT'S EXACTLY HOW SHE IS SWEETHEARTS!! WHEN HE CHECK HER SHE BACKS OFF N STOPS TALKING TO ME (LIKE WITH THE GUEST ALLOTMENT ISSUE) I DID NOT CARE 1 BIT..... SHE HAS SAID NASTY THINGS ABOUT ME N SOME I HAVE HEARD HER SAY!! ( SHE WOULDN'T KNO HE WAS ON THE PHONE WITH ME WHILE IN HER PRESENCE)
SHE WENT SO FAR AS TO LIE N SAY SHE WASNT TALKING ABOUT ME EVEN I HEARD HER OR READ A MESSAGE THAT WAS SHOWN TO ME BY MY FH...... THAT'S WHY I SAID IF SHE DONT PULL IT TOGETHER STOP BEING SECRETIVE ABOUT WHAT SHE IS WEARING N GET IN TUNE SHE WILL NOT BE ALLOWED TO ENTER OR BE UNINVITED BY ME.... SHE CAN NOT TAKE OVER SOMEBODY ELSE DAY N PLAY THE " I AM HIS MOM CARD" I BEEN CUT FROM A DIFFERENT CLOTH

View Quoted Comment That message was sent to him ONLY he sent that message to me AFTER he checked her about asking for a "guest allotment " AFTER she was told the wedding was not going to be more than 70ppl

View Quoted Comment THANK YOU BRITTANY!! GLAD THE GOOD GUYS FINALLY SHOWED UP BECAUSE OUTSIDE OF LIKE 5 PPL (INCLUDING U) EVERYBODY HAS TECHNICALLY BEEN ON HER SIDE


TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION I SHOWED HIM THE DRESS LAST NIGHT AT WALMART HE THOUGHT NOTHING WAS WRONG N THAT IT WAS COOL FOR HIS MOM TO WEAR A GREY DRESS TO MATCH HIS SUIT .... I TOOK A STEP BACK N TOLD HIM ITS A GREY BALL GOWN AND ITS NOT TASTEFUL

HE SAID OK N THAT WAS THE END OF THAT.... NOW SHE ASKED ME WHAT FABRICS WERE ACCEPTABLE N DID IT HAVE TO BE CHIFFON BECAUSE HE FOUND A DRESS SHE LIKED (THE 1 POSTED) BUT IT ISNT THAT MATERIAL I TOLD HER TULLE IS FINE N ALSO SENT AN EXAMPLE (WILL REPOST FOR YOU )

View Quoted Comment Those are only examples never said she had to pick those dresses .... I was giving material examples only n that was it. After how she played me n the things she done me talking to her is definitely a step up..... my mother asked me to be nice n that's what I am going but knowing me its going to wear thin n I will snap out..... my bride tribe is keeping me together and helping any way they can n supporting me however they can but basically she wants all wedding info from him even AFTER I gave her all the info she talks to me but she really wants to hear from him n he isn't 1 of those guys who sits up n talking about wedding planning lol.... he does with me of course but I ask specific questions of what he wants and how he wants things done


But she isnt about to run my event/my wedding or my marriage.... I have no issue with telling her to go somewhere with all that

View Quoted Comment Seems like she wants control...control...control.

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Yeah, sorry we are late!! LOL

How are you feeling after he said that? I could understand where he doesn't get it (men rarely do) LOL I could understand IF she wanted to wear the same color as him buttttttt you already said that you would prefer the colors you prefer. That's understandable.

Is the dress that she found of the fabric good or no? I like the two you posted very nice to me. *shrugs shoulders* I don't get her issue.......

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Those are not bad examples of what you would like! Yeah, I get why your mom would be like "be nice" because she does not want to rock the boat in a sense. Well, you can be nice and respectful at the same time put your foot down. I know you can do it! Well, you have my support! You got this! If you want something your way for your day then I am on board. Don't give her the satisfaction of being able to control the situation and your reactions in particular. If she wants to hear it from him then only tell him don't include her. He will start to see what really lays behind her intentions. That's my two cents on it LOL