Dry bar demands my FH

I'm consistently amazed by how bad your 'advice' and commentary are Rachel.

You're currently longest standing 'worst posts ever' I think... At least in my almost two year stay reading these forums.

Responses to Rachel

Sorry, dry weddings are not rude or improperly hosting your guests. Dry weddings are simply a different kind of wedding that when planned with that in mind can be very nice. I've been to both types and I've experienced very nice wedding's that were dry and not so great weddings that had open bars.

As for your FH. Our life experiences can leave deep scars and create passionate responses when that topic is broached. That anyone on here should suggest a "red flag" on here with so little information is ridiculous. Talk with your FH and if his feelings are so deeply rooted on the subject than it's completely fine to consider and plan for a dry wedding.

Yeah, they are. Sorry. Come with us to adult land.

I believer the red flag comments referred to his rather childish way of approaching the situation, as in, "you do it my way or not at all".

Ok didn't really read through the comments but if this is your FH one request why not just honor it? I really don't feel like it's that big of a deal. I have family that acts CRAZY when they drink and of my FH wanted a dry wedding and felt strongly about it if respect that because it's both of our wedding not just mine

Rose? Read the comments.

> That anyone on here should suggest a "red flag" on here with so little information is ridiculous

No, its not. Instead of discussing the situation like an adult and trying to come to a compromise with the woman he is planning to marry, he shut down the conversation entirely and threatened to cancel the wedding entirely if she even brought it up.

Thats some childish, controlling bullshit that is ABSOLUTELY a red flag. Communication is key. What he is doing is the polar opposite of communication.

If he makes it known that there is no alcohol at this wedding, people will bring their own in their cars and get drunk before the ceremony. This can be very disruptive during a ceremony. Then as soon as dinner is over, people may just bounce....or go buy/get more alcohol to drink in their cars. I recently went to a wedding where they ran out of alcohol and so people had gone and purchased more. My wedding planner has also shared several stories where alcoholic family members will find a way and will make fools of themselves no matter what people try to do to stop it.

OP - You said you were 19. How old is your FH? Is he even old enough to contract for alcohol?

Were having a dry wedding and couldn't be more excited! We are doing fancy glass bottle sodas instead! My family drinks, but his family is totally dry. Its yall day, if you. Don't want to offer alcohol, then don't!

However , it sounds like you want alcohol there, and in that case, see if you can get to the bottom of FH alcohol aversion. My FH hates it, but it was for religious reasons, that he inferred growing up. After some Research and long doscussions, he has dropped that reasoning, and is now ok with other people drinking (although he still abstains). Communication is totally the key!!

Oh Lordt.

Soda makes me excited too. Especially in a fancy bottle. With a vodka back

Are you paying for this together? Are either of you old enough to sign a contract for alcohol? Genuinely curious, I remember you posting that you're young.

I have a few serious alcoholics in my family who have made previous parties miserable. They're not invited to my wedding.

I went to a dry wedding a month or so ago (because the groom has alcoholics in his family) and I have never seen more drunk people at a wedding in my life. There was a convenience store nearby so tons of people left the reception to go get alcohol and then they came back trashed. Not to mention there were flasks all over the place. The dry wedding didn't help at all, and probably made it worse.

Yeah, dry weddings really only work if NO ONE drinks.

And here's what that means:

NO ONE EVER DRINKS. Not "we drink on occasion" or "they drank a lot when they were younger, but now only have a glass of wine with dinner"

Dry weddings work if they are literally against your beliefs. Like, you NEVER drink. You won't ever.

If this does not apply to your dry wedding, do not have it.

I think it's important to know why he doesn't want alcohol. If its an issue with people getting nasty drunk at the wedding, you can have tickets, ,or just a champagne toast... but I would really be wary of someone threatening to not marry me when as a couple you're throwing a huge party, you know? I'd attempt to compromise.

@Celia, your commentary is A+, as usual!

Celia...I'm dying. I thought Miss Manners -- and her weird affect -- had been around for the last 200 years. However, after careful consideration, I'm with you. She's pushing 500.

Okay, seriously, "The"...you're super excited about your dry wedding because you're serving soda in fancy bottles? Yay, that fun should consume about 4 minutes. You do realize that the most welcome party bottles have names on them -- names like Grey Goose, Ketel One, Jack Daniels, Beefeater, Casa Noble, and so many wines that I can't list them. Even if a couple were hosting those liquors, I doubt they'd be exclamation pointing their excitement about it. However, fancy soda bottles? Well, I don't know you're guests, so maybe they will share your excitement about soda...in fancy bottles...at a hosted party...that lasts for hours...

And did I just read that the OP -- the lady marrying the guy who will call the wedding off if anyone even attempts to convince him that weddings and wine go together -- is 19? Why didn't she just say that at the beginning? She can't drink alcohol or purchase it.

So yeah...no alcohol at your wedding, Native Bride. We could have skipped all of the drama if you just told us that you were two years from legal in your OP. But, hey, that's what happens when you get married at 19. I have it on good authority that soda in fancy bottles is the next best thing.

If his family are alcoholics and he doesn't want it there because of that, I see that AS a sign of respect.

We have no idea how living with alcoholics has scarred him, what he may have had to endure. Some compassion for what he is feeling is not too much to ask. As his future wife, if your future husband believes so strongly in something, then you need to show respect for that. Unless you have a GOOD reason why it has to be there, that is personal to you, then just because a bunch of women on a forum board said it "proper etiquette", and "good hosting" is not enough. It does NOT, and should NEVER trump how your future husband feels. The years you two have spent together and his feelings should be more important to you than even your guests *opinion* of your wedding. And honestly, if your guests truly love you and DH, then they will be happy to support you... alcohol or not They are not there because your feeding them, and giving them an open bar but to celebrate in your love, union, and commitment as husband and wife. Frankly, alcohol is superficial to the wedding and just icing on the proverbial cake. It's not the reason why they are all gathered.

Also, adults who are alcoholics, cannot "police themselves", and that sort of thinking is disrespectful of their disease. That's why they are alcoholics FOR LIFE, because they do not know moderation, or when to stop. Having it dangled in front of them, is just one more temptation... if you truly love someone why would you do that? If most of his family are alcoholics, then the Grooms family is VIP's, and they trump most other guests and what they would *want*. Not having alcohol tempting them is NOT a want... it's a necessity. And I am sure the Bride's family (the only other VIP's), knowing of the circumstances and situation, would be understanding given how debilitating the disease can be. No amount of "fun" should trump someone else's health, mental or otherwise.