Dry bar demands my FH

A. i find it very hard to believe that his ENTIRE family are all raging alcoholics.

B. your FH needs to learn about a little thing called compromise if he wants a successful marriage. red. fucking. flag.

C. there has not been a dry wedding in the history of man that is more fun than a similarly hosted one with alcohol. people who say otherwise are frankly kidding themselves. sorrynotsorry.

E. If an alcoholic really wants a drink, they will find a way to drink regardless of what you provide. Would you rather have host an open bar with professional bartenders on hand to monitor consumption, or a dry wedding with aunt peggy spiking the punch with a flask and people getting shitfaced in the venue parking lot off some liquor someone stashed in their trunk?

E. if he doesnt care if these people come, has zero respect for them as human beings, and will go to huge lengths to DISCOURAGE their attendance....... then they shouldnt be invited in the first place.

Dry weddings are not against etiquette rules, according to Miss Manners.

"Gentle Reader: If your relatives feel that they need to drink to attend your wedding, the alcohol problem in your family is even worse that you thought.

Of course, it is not obligatory to serve alcohol at a wedding, or any other social event. Miss Manners suggests that you tell your relatives that you are sorry to miss them. A message delivered to their favorite bar should be able to reach them."

I don't blame him for not wanting his relatives to drink when they can't control themselves around alcohol. He will be worried about that and not be able to enjoy the wedding.

Elle, I'd say MissManners needs to take a good, hard look at the 'etiquette' involved in pegging adults as having an 'alcohol problem' because they like to have a drink at a wedding reception.

So are you never going to drink again? Have you considered what his deep hatred for alcohol means for your life? It would be a deal breaker for me if FH banned all alcohol from our life forever.

Guess I should have provided the context of the letter. The writer stated that her family threatened to not attend her wedding if it was dry.

.

Rachel, I'm going to get you some chairs so you can have a seat. Native American stereotyping about alcoholism, really???

While everyone can call him a "man child" or say he is an asshole, clearly he has some real fears and concerns. Talk to him about it. Hear him out. Come to some type of compromise. Maybe only serve wine or beer if that will make him a bit more comfortable. Explain to him that he can't control a few people. And how this unfair to all your other guests and even you as the bride. If he seems to be unwavering, then perhaps compromise on the type of wedding the two of you have.

Personally OP, whichever way this ends up being, you NEED to have a conversation with your FH. Why are you just learning about this now? This is something that you two TOGETHER need to decide on. If important decisions were made by one member of the relationship and one member only, it could definitely spell disaster. You need to find compromise if you truly plan to be with this man for the rest of your life. This is something you two need to hash out. Personally, I dont give a hoot if there are alcoholics, I am serving booze free of charge, period. I have actually a few alcoholics in my family, and they DO NOT CARE if there is alcohol at any event they are attending. I think that is a poor excuse and there is more to be discovered than what you have been told.

I have been to dry weddings, however, this was something expected by the whole family as the ones being wed are Christian Baptist and don't drink alcohol at all. But our family didn't care and attended. However, if it's a couple of friends of mine or other family members that like or love to drink I would definitely have my mind wondering wth is going on. Sorry MPO.

Memes. Because Rachel's bad ideas.

@ Rachel - Nice stereotyping!

Allymonbanana...if you're going to give us the up close and personal side of cultural weddings, you might want to look up the correct spelling of the group you're exposing. They are not "Mormans", they are Mormons.

These are lovely, decent, generous people, but you won't even find coffee at the open house wedding receptions of the devout, let alone alcohol. I promise you, not half of the devout at LDS receptions are drinkers. Alcohol consumption is literally against their religion. Their temple weddings, something non-Mormons or those without a temple recommend cannot attend (regardless of their relation to the bride or groom), is something an outsider either accepts or they choose to decline the wedding invitation.

Their receptions are very different from the type of big dinner party receptions that are routinely discussed on WW. However, stating that they "don't even feed their guests half the time" is just abrasive and insulting. They typically do the equivalent of a cake and punch reception (entirely appropriate, by the way). You make the members of the LDS church sound like total creeps. This is their culture. This is the way they do weddings. Just as many Indian (as in, the country of India) weddings last for three days.

Speak as you want to, but remember, people actually read what you write.

As for the Native American debate, Cathy was right to express her anger at being painted with the alcoholic stereotype brush.

As for the OP, any husband who threatened to cancel his wedding if anyone even tried to "convince him" to have alcohol at his wedding, that's a big WTH that deserves a damn good answer -- especially if his future wife is the one asking the question. This is one issue he won't move on. I'm not sure why...it could be my advanced age of 55...but I suspect he's got a healthy list of issues he doesn't intend to be challenged on. I'd be out so fast...but maybe that's because I don't do well with dictators.

Side note- just asked my mom and she said that now a days everything is game! That she doesn't see a need for me to have alcohol at my wedding.

Rachel, your ideas are seriously fucking dumb.

Nothing Rachel posts ever amazes me.

Miss Manners is 485 years old and she needs to get a grip on her judgement about people who drink socially.

We had a similar dilemma; DH is in recovery as well as a few of his relatives, and his father died in an alcohol related accident. I let him take the lead because alcoholism is a serious thing. We settled on beer and wine but no hard liquor, and we also focused on having a couple of really good non alcoholic beverages.

Listen to your FH more than WW on this one. You need to sit down and discuss this seriously and be willing to compromise.

You could always suggest an after party venue to any big drinkers, too.

@NativeBride I'm sorry a few people here are (a) assuming you and your FH are native american, and (b) stereotyping that culture. There must be a reason your FH feels so strongly about this. Figure out what that reason is. The sad truth about alcoholism is that if someone is truly alcoholic, they will find a way to drink. You not serving it will not dissuade them. Risk of addiction is genetic, so I do find it believable if several of his family members are alcoholics. However, be sure he isn't confusing "goes wild at parties" with "alcoholic". That is insulting. Everyone has an item or two that they don't want to compromise on when it comes to wedding planning. This may be his. But it should be a conversation and a decision the two of you make together. It shouldn't be declared by him and not discussed further. I have alcoholics on both sides of my family. Some in recovery, some not. We are having open beer and wine served by a licensed bartender, because that way someone can cut anyone off who gets out of hand. We also have a variety of non-alcoholic beverages so those who don't drink have something more interesting than tea and water.

Dry weddings are not rude. Asking your guests to pay for any part of the party is rude. Hosting the party you want is NOT rude. As long as you serve something to drink-- soda, water, juice, etc.-- you're fine. Now if *you*, personally, want to drink at your wedding, and are fighting your FH because of that, that is one thing, and you two need to find a compromise. But if, actually, you'd be fine with a dry wedding except you think it would be rude, get behind your FH-- he knows his family best, and while you can't keep an alcoholic from drinking, you can sure make it harder!

Well excuse me