Dry bar demands my FH

Well, for starters, WHY is he so dead set against the alcohol? If he would truly cancel the wedding if someone tried to convince him otherwise, I seriously doubt his maturity for marriage. WHY does he not want alcohol?

Oh, I thought he wanted a blow dry station for the guests, lol....

That would be a deal breaker for me, honestly. As in, for the whole thing. Marriage is never, "my way or the highway"; you could absolutely call his bluff and threaten to call the whole thing off if he doesn't stop being a stubborn asshat.

I agree with Jelee; if he's going to throw a foot stomping, head smoking tantrum over this? That's a giant red flag.

What makes him so against it?

Give us more info. Why?

He sounds fun.

Why is he so against having alcohol at the wedding? He doesnt have to drink if he doesnt want to, but it might be nice to have for the guests who are coming to celebrate with you!

I'm no help with the husband aspect, but I have a question. Just curious, as this is my first day on here, but why is it rude to have no alcohol? I had asked a question yesterday in a fb group I'm in if they were attending a wedding, how important to them is it that alcohol be severed (one of the venues we are looking at doesn't allow any alcohol). Everyone said they didn't care and that the dry weddings they attended were actually more fun than the weddings with alcohol. At first I thought it would be inconsiderate to the guest who may want to drink, but after all the feedback of 300+ comments, only a small handful said they would mind.

@Hillary--adults at a special event want to drink. I have never ever heard people say dry weddings are more fun than ones with alcohol--I know I have more fun when I'm inebriated. Not that dry weddings CAN'T be fun, but unless you have a sincerely held religious conviction or one of the people getting married is in recovery, you should provide alcohol.

Well technically dry weddings are not against any etiquette rules, but if all of your guests like to drink then it won't be a very fun wedding. Why is he so against it?

His family are huge alcoholics and have made such a huge fool of themselves. I totally understand that dry wedding are boring and no fun. He just seems to have this deep rooted hate for alcohol due to his family. Which is a Pandora box in itself.

Hillary, I'd be looking that up. The subject comes up once a week.

Short story? Adults want wine. It is an important part of hosting other adults unless everyone is a nun or on probation. (And I don't know that is even true for nuns) There doesn't need to be every drink choice on earth (wine and beer will do nicely).

I know know what kind of FB group that is, but I can tell you that here, 90% mind and would show that they mind by leaving early or pre loading.

Dry weddings are never more fun. Ever. And any excuse to justify them ('our guests are violent drunks/in rehab/we are paying for this ourselves/our guests don't drink) are just code for "we're cheap and we didn't put this in the budget because we're cheap."

I understand his aversion to alcohol, but if alcoholics want to drink they are going to, whether you provide the alcohol or not. It sounds like he doesn't have a whole lot of respect or care for his family, and that is a red flag to me.

@taylor said it perfectly. If they want to drink, they're gonna drink. Whether you provide it or not.

Native, it's not a matter of making your wedding not "boring and no fun" (which I take offense to), but it's about properly hosting your guests. If youe guest drink, as you said they do, they need alcohol provided to be properly hosted.

Why doesn't he want alcohol? If you ask around these parts, it's a pretty big thing to exclude.

And I'll give you the dry wedding girl perspective: don't do it unless you absolutely have to. I would want to keep the peace with my husband as well, so I get it. It is HIS wedding just as much as it is yours, but I would dig deep to find out what it is exactly that bothers him so much about it and see if you guys can fix it.

I'm having a dry wedding, and as much as I've tried to be ok with it in the past month and a half, FH and I are both not happy. We have even gone so as to plan a totally separate hosted after party so we can have wine with our friends (a huge extra expense for us vs just having had an open bar at the venue). The rest of our wedding party is older and not into the whole drinking thing, so I get feeling pressure too.

But yeah, REALLY talk about it before you guys come to a definitive conclusion.

Clarify what he meant by cancel the whole wedding. Did he mean still getting married without the big party as to not provide alcohol or no party and no marriage?

If his family is a bunch of drunks and makes fools of themselves, Taylor, I can see why he wouldn't have much respect for them.

I doubt that his WHOLE family, as in every single member, is a raging alcoholic.

Ok, I'm opening up a Pandora's box here, but whatever. "Properly hosting" does not always mean alcohol. It means that people are given food and beverages. Yes, adults like wine. But I also like beef - so if I'm not given beef, am I not properly hosted? (my wedding was not dry, by the way, but I think sometimes circumstances should be considered).

Anyways, I'd say try to work out a compromise. If he is that dead set against alcohol and has that deep-seated hate, then I think that's a different circumstance rather than just not wanting to provide it in general. I wonder if something happened to him or his family because of the alcohol.

Yes, a wedding can be dry. Many brides here had a dry wedding. I've been to a dry wedding (I've also been to a wedding that had alcohol I didn't like, so I had tea the whole time). But it will have a completely different feeling.

In other words, talk to him. Maybe have a third person there.

Hillary, FB groups are the worst. They give horrible advice. It is not true that dry weddings are more fun than ones with alcohol. Adults enjoy a cocktail or wine or beer at a wedding and you should be doing your best to host them well. Also, if you have a separate question, you should start your own thread rather than hijacking someone else's thread.

OP, I understand why your FH does not want to be around alcohol given his family history. However, I would be very concerned with his threats to cancel the wedding and his overbearing attitude. That is a red flag. You two should be discussing this and coming to a compromise.