Dress code... Is it tacky?

@heavenlybride - I understand why you don't want people showing up to your wedding in casual attire. I went to a wedding last year where a guest actually showed up in frayed cut-off jean shorts and a band t-shirt!

I don't want anyone showing up to my wedding in jeans, although I don't mind a pair of khaki pants or some nice slacks. I don't expect the men to wear a suit jacket or a tie but I'd like them to wear a nice button up shirt. Our wedding is pretty small so I'm just telling people how I'd like them to dress - I don't think I'll need to put it on the invites. If someone shows up in jeans, well it won't be the end of the world and I probably won't even notice (unless they end up in a picture). I've just been telling our guests that it'll be more of a "business casual" affair.

It's OK for you to have certain expectations for how your guests will look at your wedding - it's your wedding, after all. Couples who want a casual wedding are often fine with their guests showing up in jeans or shorts and there is nothing wrong with that, either. It just depends on the couple and the type of wedding they would like to have.

Thanks Melody

Long dresses may be a bit much in my opinion, but you could put "Cocktail attire" on your wedding website so that they wear nice dresses and slacks with ties?

The only time I have seen dress code on an invite was for black tie.

You can say " black tie formal" or "modest dress please" ..if you want the long dresses

^^ No, she cannot say "black tie formal" unless she expects her guests to wear tuxedos, which she doesn't. Black tie = tuxedo.

On the web site, I'd write, "Formal attire" with the reception info. If there's anyone in particular you're concerned about, like crazy Uncle Pete, then reach out to them directly (tactfully).

A black tie party? Open premium bar, fabulous music, great food and impeccable service in a top level venue.

?

Formal attire on invites, tell your wedding party formal attire if anyone asks and write formal attire on your website

You do realize that advertlslng your wedding as a black tie affair places a huge burden on you -- the hosts, right? First of all, if it's a legitimate black tie affair, you've already sent out engraved invitations to your after 6:00 PM wedding (no pretty adornments on the invitations -- just black inscription on white or ivory backgkrounds). After the wedding ceremony, you should be prepared to host a reception that includes a luxurious, indoor venue, valet service provided by the bridal couple, white gloved service, hand passed hor d'ourves, a sommelier (an individual who is an expert on wines and their coupling with food), top shelf, open bar, five to seven courses of gourmet food, real china, real silver place settings, genuine crystal goblets, and no lapse in entertainment. Asking a guest to attend your "black tie affair" is only topped by a "white tie affair" (dont even worry about a white tie affair -- their is nothing more formal and I doubt any of us will ever be invited to such an event). I don't mean to make you feel bad -- there have been a few WW brides who believe they are hosting a black tie affair. If you are trying to prevent guests from showing up in jeans -- and you have to truly believe that's a distinct possibility -- you can add "Cocktail Attire Appropriate" to you invitations. Please...don't ask your male guests to rent tuxedos (men that socialize in this social class actually own tuxedos and the proper shoes to go with those tuxedos) or your female guests to wear beaded evening gowns (and shawls) unless you're really having a black tie affair.

People need to read what she wrote in the comments! She cleared the whole "Black tie affair" thing a while ago. So new information on that doesn't help! lol Anyways I put formal attire. As a guest I like to know how fancy it will be. I hate feeling out of place, so I think it is nice to put the formality. I put Formal Attire Welcomed at the very bottom of my invites in small print.

We are including a reception card with our invitations and rsvp cards that says "black tie optional" at the bottom.

No dress code should be required. If your guests aren't sure what to wear, they will probably ask you or your FH. Don't worry about the small stuff, it will work itself out. Try to relax & focus on your wedding planning journey.

Yes, it's tacky. Most people know what to wear....be thankful people who love and support you are coming.

Just incase you have any cowboys as friends/family, be prepared for black wranglers. DH's idea of dressing up, is a good western shirt and good blue wranglers. If it's something super formal (like his grandma's funeral), he will pull out the black wranglers. All the weddings we've gone to, he's worn nice, blue wranglers.

You absolutely CANNOT dictate ANYWHERE what people are supposed to wear. These guests are adults and chances are, they know that a wedding is a formal event.

I think I'll put pants optional on mine.

List it as a recommendation on your website, and your invitations should at least somewhat provide a clue about the formality of the event. You don't need to bluntly state it on the invites, but make your invitations look elegant to match the tone of the event.

In all honesty, I don't think dress codes are tacky, but kind of pointless. I mean, what if someone doesn't follow dress code and shows up in jeans and flip flops? Are you going to kick them out?

I also think it's a little rude to tell someone what to wear when they're coming to celebrate you, but maybe I'm being a little oversensitive.

My kind of wedding @erin

@Erin- I kind of disagree - I really think there is such a thing as black tie optional. Honestly, when I see black tie optional I think that they are hosting a black tie affair (very fancy venue, plated dinner, passed appetizers, top shelf alcohol etc etc) but are being kind to their guests- rather than REQUIRING everyone go out and buy a gown and tuxedo, they are asking those who own something appropriate to wear it and those who don't own the appropriate attire to try their best to be fancy.

Any time I've seen black tie optional I've thought of it as considerate, not tacky. But maybe that's just me.