Dress code... Is it tacky?

My only rule for "dress code" was don't wear flip flops you lazy bums. hahaha

I wrote it into my invitation greeting, in really small print and then word of mouth. I think I said, "[Name] and [Name] request your presence at their intimate but formal affair ...."

You know your guests best and who may not pick up cues from the formality of the invitation, venue etc. A note asking for semi formal on a website if you have one sounds like a good way to spread the word. Or by word of mouth if you have people that can (tactfully) get the message across.

Putting a dress code on an invitation is absolutely rude. Adults know how to dress. Do you have a particular reason for thinking certain guests will show up in jeans? Like others said, why does this even matter?? I promise you will be just as married at the end of the day, and YOU won't be the one who looks silly because you're over-dressed. You're the bride.

And, anyway, the type of adult to come to a wedding in a castle in jeans isn't going to change his or her mind just because "semi-formal attire requested" is on the invitation.

I don't know anyone who would show up to an evening wedding in a castle-like venue in jeans. I just don't think people are that dumb. If there is ONE clueless dude in your circle, who cares. He will look severely out of place. It won't affect you.

I wouldn't put it on the invite but, would direct everyone to the website if there was a specific look I was hoping for. I know that people will show up in jeans at ours and I would've put money on two of the guys showing up in shorts and flip flops but, their in the wedding party so they have to dress decently at least for an hour or two.

Ah ok looked up emilypost.com and apparently you don't put wedding attire on the invitation but you CAN put it on the reception invitation. So apparently I was rude and tacky because we only had one piece for the invitation and one response card because I didn't want to pay for all those inserts that get lost and thrown away. My sister will be horrified when I tell her of this! She is a stickler for Miss Manners and has made sure we kept to proper etiquette haha

Never assume... if you want your guests to dress impressively, then you have to state it somewhere. IMO.

Thank you everyone!!

I think it's perfectly okay to say "formal" or black tie optional or whatever but there is no real way to enforce it

Black tie optional isn't a real thing. It is either black tie or not. You don't tell adults how to dress. They are your guests and not props for wedding photos. Your venue, time of day and formality of your invites dictate how formal it is. As previous posters have said, the only time it is appropriate to say the attire is truly black or white tie.

^^^ exactly this

I ditto what Emmy and Emily said.

OK "Emmy" but I never said it was for photo ops (nor did I say black tie optional)... just my personal choice. Thanks for your response though!!

"Black Tie' indicates a level of entertainment, not just a desire to have people be in fancy dress.

No matter what you say or how you indicate how formal your wedding will be, there will be at least 3 people dressed horribly inappropriately if not more.

I went to a white tie wedding once and there were 4 men in football jerseys/t-shirts and jeans. The women - half were wearing hooker wear or something totally not appropriate for any wedding (very short, very tight dresses).

1. People do show up with jeans, linen skirts and flip-flops at my FSIL wedding even though it's a great venue with dinner service.

2. So, I even put the dress code for my engagement party back in June.

3. They are not ruining the photos but coming from Asian family where weddings are big deal, I take it as a sign of disrespect. You are spending this much to get a formal theme, at least respect it or don't show up in flip flop and jeans. This is not a frat party!

I just wanted a tactful way to get a message across. So I thank those posters who actually gave me advice on how to do that, instead of being negative. I just want a certain atmosphere at my wedding, this is not an issue of what is looking good in photos at all.

Exactly what "CN&AK" said

You can say like "lets dress up and partay!"