Dress code... Is it tacky?

I am putting Semi-Formal Attire on my wedding invitations.

I had a blurb on my FAQs page saying, "where whatever you want as long as it's not jeans, tshirts, or sneakers" ...no one wore jeans, tshirts, or sneakers!

I am going to disagree with the posters that say you are wrong to try and dictate what people wear to your wedding. I think as hosts of the event, you have every right to have expectations of how your guests should dress, and it is only courteous that you let them know those expectations. If people don't want to go because they don't want to put on a nice dress or slacks and a nice shirt, and are not willing to do so out of respect for you, then you probably don't want them at your wedding.

Also, I'm not sure I agree with the "people all know how to dress appropriately for the occasion" crowd either. I cringe every time I see someone in jeans, a t-shirt, and flip flops at the opera.

My suggestion would be to add "Semi-formal attire requested" on your reception card and/or wedsite.

Would you rather they come dressed inappropriately or not come?

If people don't want to go because they don't want to put on a nice dress or slacks and a nice shirt, and are not willing to do so out of respect for you, then you probably don't want them at your wedding.

Really? Oookay.

Here is my opinion on this. Although my wedding may not be that fancy I could care less if someone shows up in jeans. They are there to support me and show their love. That's all that matters to me. My uncle who passed away this year and I wish he could be at my wedding. I know him well enough to know if he was coming he would have showed up in his finest cowboy boots and a good pair jeans. I would have loved to have him there anyways. It's not about what someone wears to the wedding, it's that they are there for you.

This would be one of those questions where i would say 'Pick your battles carefully.' Is this really something you want to fight for?

Like others said, it's your wedding, in the end, you're going to do what's best for you, but, make this request subtle. Adding a quick blurb on the website, on the venue page would be enough.

I'm not planning on taking my etiquette tips from Lauren Conrad. And if you actually read that first article you'd see this regarding black tie optional:

The reality, though, is that this dress code is basically the formal equivalent of “business casual”: an attempt to please everyone that ultimately benefits no-one. As Canadian fashion columnist Russell Smith explains in Men’s Style, it is frequently a cop-out employed by insecure hosts:

It means that the planners of the party began by envisioning a glittering formal affair, with neatly groomed men in stark black and white as sober backdrops for the dramatic colour and flashes of flesh of the women. And so they wrote “Black Tie” on the invitations – and then immediately had doubts . . . What if we are excluding those without resources to own a dinner jacket? What if we are insulting the men with beards and Jethro Tull albums who don’t believe in such elitist dress and who may refuse on principle to come to such a stuffy affair?

Still doesn't seem like a real thing to me...

.

I always tell FH for weddings it is always better to be overdressed. It's your wedding say whatever the hell you want. Just don't serve hot dogs.

Ive been to a wedding where ppl wore jeans and all that, friends of the grooms, they didnt care lol so i can understand letting ppl know its a formal event and to dress appropriately, its just about the way you do it. I honestly wouldnt know how to get that msg across tho

I used to cater wedding and while you would think a dress code would be common sense in most cases I have seen guests how up in greasy coveralls and no shirt.

So I think some indication of dress would be a good idea. Probably just on the website something like "formal dress" if you just want people to dress up a little more than normal.

That being said people will do what they want, my sister wanted a formal beach wedding (I'm not even sure that is a thing) and had her groom/ groomsmen in three piece suits in 40C weather, people still showed up in shorts and Hawaiian shirts.

That article didn't seem to think it was real though...the whole benefiting no one part. Well at least not a good idea if it was real? You probably could have found a better article when you googled it to prove a point.

How about this so all you vagina's can turn happy again

@Erin, thanks for your post, but I think that whoever's wedding it is should be able to determine what kind of wedding they want to have. There are many people who choose to have "black tie optional" weddings and it's their perogitive. Who are we to tell someone what they should do for a wedding they are paying for? I was offering my 2 cents as is everyone else. For my wedding I am not following any rules whatsoever. I am doing exactly what I want. I like pink flowers, so I incorporated them into our wedding invitations. I like dressing up, as do countless of our guests, so we decided to choose "black tie optional" to give them the opportunity to do so. Many of our guests asked us even before we had our invitations done if they could wear tuxes, and I think that will be awesome, but some people don't ant to, so I don't want them to feel obligated. I think it will be fun, that's it. People should know how to dress for special occasions, but unfortunately some people don't and I don't want to make any of my guests feel uncomfortable and come in something inappropriate because they didn't know what to wear. This way my guests know its formal, and that they can dress up as much as they want without feeling out of place. I'm super excited for it too! I hope everyone does exactly what they want for their wedding, because you're likely spending a lot of money, so make sure you're happy with the results, no matter what any one else thinks.

@8815wedding: exactly.

My question for all of you who want people dressed a certain way, what are you going to do if they show up in blue jeans, flip flops, etc. I personally wouldn't have cared if someone wore a mumu to our wedding. The point of the celebration is to have them there to celebrate with us. Not to have them be expected to dress a certain way like back in high school. If I were invited to a "black tie optional" wedding or any sort of dress code, I'd be irritated.

I didnt have a dress code and no one showed up in jeans.....to my day time wedding. like really, most people get it is a wedding. and you know what? I did have one fried whos top of her dress was see through and I honestly couldnt have cared less. Im just happy she came to the wedding.

The fact that some of you would rather have people stay home is insane.

"Black Tie Optional" is such a farce and it is frankly rude to put that on an invitation. Why? Because it gives guests anxiety and makes them completely insecure about what they should wear. Should I rent a tux? Should I not? Will I be the only one in a tux if I wear one? Or if I don't wear one, will I be the only one in a suit? No one wants to feel out of place.

The reality is that with "black tie optional", almost no one will show up in a tux (because they don't have to), and the one or two that do will feel very over-dressed. That is not a nice way for your guests to feel.

Also, in most cases, "black tie optional" means that the wedding does not live up to the standard of a true black tie event but the bride is like Amy&Dan - "I just want my wedding to be fancy!!". Sigh.

^^ this