Guest told me she'll only come to our reception...

I don't think you are overreacting. I love wedding receptions and all, but I feel that as a guest I should at LEAST make the ceremony. It doesn't settle right with me to attend the reception but not the ceremony. It's a tricky situation because if I were you I would just let it go, but I can also see myself thinking back on it every now and then (I can be petty and hold grudges ^^;; ) It's also possible that it's not easy for her to take off work, and attending the reception was the least she could do. If you're willing to take the *risk* you can let her know that the reception is reserved as a thank you for people that can attend the ceremony.

That is super rude!! I would probably be a little bothered by this too. The ceremony part of a wedding is so short, why not take off one more hour? Clearly though she is trying to make some kind of an effort in her own way and this is how she’s chosen to prioritize her time. Everyone prioritizes their time differently. Ultimately though, you have enough to stress about with all the other Wedding planning I’m sure you’ve got, so just try not to let this sit with you too long. Also, another thought... since she was a pity invite, I’m guessing she’s not that close to you. If that’s the case, maybe she feels like going to the ceremony would be intruding on a special moment? I don’t know that was kind of a stretch but I’m just saying there could also be other things going on.

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I also thought that she felt she'd be intruding as a pity invite~ but I also didn't mention it because I also thought it was a stretch xD

View Quoted Comment Thanks for your input! I don't think she'd feel that way. We're not acquaintances... we've known each other for a couple years now, and I don't think her personality is the type to think that she would be intruding on our ceremony. I'm just not sure if it's right of me to approach her about what she said It's awkward.

View Quoted Comment Thanks I do think it's pretty unfair for people to just want to come for the reception... not sure how I'd phrase it to her if I talk to her about what she said haha. And yeah, I do think that a reception is technically for people who were there for the ceremony too!

View Quoted Comment Ok them maybe it’s not such a stretch after all!

I could understand this if there was a gap between the ceremony and reception or if the distance between them was pretty far. Also, perhaps her job won't give her the entire day off so she's trying to compromise.

View Quoted Comment It may be awkward but if it is truly bugging you to the point where you can’t shake it off, it would be worth it to confront her and just let her know how she made you feel. Hopefully this way she will realize she needs to explain a bit more why it’s so hard for her to make it OR it will be the push she needed to make it work to come to everything. She probably has no idea this would’ve affected you.

View Quoted Comment Perhaps, but the gap is an hour max. And I would understand if her job wasn't allowing her to, but they've already given her most of the day off if she's able to come to solely the reception since she works primarily evening/night shifts anyway :/

That’s is rude. Two people have told me they’re making the ceremony and not the reception which hasn’t bothered me bc I agree w you that the ceremony is the big event.

I do think you are overreacting a bit. First of all, 45 minutes is NOT a short ceremony, I would consider that in the long to very long range. Anything over 20 minutes is long. (My ceremony will be about 10 minutes long) Also, you will never notice she isn't there. She could have said nothing and you never would of known, so she was trying to be considerate. And taking off work is a big deal, my mom doesn't earn PTO very quickly so an extra hour would be almost four weeks of full time work to get that hour back. (Yes, legally this isn't supposed to be true, but it is). I'll be missing the ceremony of two of my best friends weddings next weekend because I can't take a full personal day the first full Friday of school. I casually mentioned it and her response was 'Well, you'll still be able to make it to party with us, right?!'.

If you aren't that close to her maybe she doesn't realize that you really take everyone being there for the ceremony super seriously. In my friends group, the ceremony is just the thing you sit through and nod and smile for before the actual celebration. If people could only make one or the other, I would hands down want them there for the reception when I could actually talk to them and celebrate with them. The ceremony is a big deal, but in the same way that sitting in a lawyers office signing papers for a new house is a big deal. Boring to almost everyone not immediately involved, and the real fun happens after.

View Quoted Comment I share these same thoughts. Aside from our wedding party and immediate family who had to be there early for pictures, I have no idea what guests were/weren’t at our ceremony. In our circle it just isn’t a big deal for people to either only come to the ceremony or only come to the reception if they have a previous obligation- work, another wedding, etc.

Let it go. Think about it, she's putting in effort to either use some of her hard earned PTO, rearranging her schedule, or finding someone to swap/take part of her shift. Not taking (precious) time off for your long ceremony and then, if I understood your comment correctly, gap before the reception seems like a very good use of her time. I wouldn't be surprised in the least if others just show up for the reception if the length of the ceremony and the gap become known.

I think you’re overreacting. She can’t make it because of work, which I think is reasonable. Maybe she can’t take the whole day off. It’s not like she said “oh hey I don’t feel like watching you get married but I’ll be at the party.”
Ive had to miss a lot of things due to work - I certainly hope none of my friends were offended.

The way it was said was super rude, but I wouldn't worry about it. She at least told you she would be at the reception so you save a spot (and a plate) for her and don't have to deal with that awkwardness. We had a family of 5 say they weren't coming due to a sporting event and then show up to "surprise" us. Like I said, super rude, but don't let it get to you. Enjoy your day and try not to worry about other people's crappy attitudes.

Yea this would not bother me one bit. You also pity invited her which I think is pretty hurtful. I’d be hurt if I found out I was only invited out of someone feeling sorry for me. You only invited her because you pitied her but now you feel offended that she won’t be there and also the way she told you. Kind of ironic to me lol. I would definitely let this go. Don’t let these small things annoy you. There’s so many other things to be concerned about. Continue to enjoy the process and have an amazing day! :-)

Normally I would agree that it's super rude, and likely this girl was rude when she said it. HOWEVER- the only possibility that I can think of is based on something that happened last year... My FHs cousin got married last November in the next state over on a Friday night. Due to timing and due especially to the significant (SEVERAL) hours gap between ceremony and reception, I went to work that day and then met up with FH and then we attended just the reception. FMIL attended both and doesnt drive so she used mass transit to get to the ceremony and actually came back home in between because the gap was so long. This is the only thing I can think of for why someone would out right tell you that they are coming to the reception but not the ceremony.

An hour gap plus a 45 minute ceremony equals two more hours off. I have a very strict timeframe for what is an half day and what is a full day off from work. Yep hours would cross the line easily. A full day of PTO is a big deal to use since I only get 3, and if you’re not close it may not be worth using a full day for it.

That’s pretty common in my circles when people can’t get the whole day off work or are simply not comfortable sitting through a full mass (I’m catholic). We had a few guests that weren’t at the service for my daughter’s wedding last month and we were still happy to have them celebrate with us at the reception.

As PP have said, she may not have been able to take more time off work. If she's working on a Sunday, I'm assuming she doesn't work a "typical" job where leaving an hr early just doesn't work.
I may have to just go to my cousins reception as it's on a day i have class. If we miss class we get a reduction in our grade. Me and my cousin aren't that close, so is reducing my grade worth it? Plus it's the last day if class so there may be a final, I don't know classhasnt started yet.
There maybe more to it than you think. Unless she was flat out rude, I'd let it go.