Guest told me she'll only come to our reception...

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If the ceremony is 45 minutes and there is an hour gap that's basically 2 hours. Maybe she's getting off as early as she can and really cannot make it to the ceremony. I wouldn't over think this too much. It's just going to stress you out.

I think you're overreacting. It's not that easy to get time off work. She probably did what she was able. Sometimes it's easier to get a half day off opposed to a full day. It depends on what her job is. My mom works from home but usually it's a lot easier for her to work the morning and take the afternoon off. It's not like she's not coming to your ceremony just to spite you. She's probably doing the best she can.

45 minutes is not a short ceremony. I love ceremonies but you're over reacting. I'm not sure how her delivery was, I wasn't there, but if her approach was casual, "just so you know I won't be able to....." There isn't anything about that that seems rude to me. You say, "I understand, we'll see you at the reception." I went to a wedding that started at 2:30, by the time I drove to the place, an hour away, and started getting ready for it, and ran to get a card beforehand. When I got home at 10:30, I thought wow this took up the entire day. I was happy to be there for them. But if she has to work. She has to work.

I had plenty of people not come to the ceremony and only go to the reception. I am guessing around 30 people didn’t come to my ceremony. I think it’s pretty normal. Then again no one told us ahead of time but if they did I would have been fine with it. My wedding was on a Friday night so people had to work. I wouldn’t worry about it.

View Quoted Comment She may assume that like many people, you will take pictures after the ceremony, and guests will have a cocktail hour then. If it is hard to get time off in her job, and working an extra 2 hours before taking off is the difference between getting approval and getting turned down, this may be important. In lots of areas, a large number of people still do something that used to be far more common: Hold small ceremonies of people very close to them,, then invite everyone to celebrate at the reception. If she is used to this where she is from in US, she may say, not an intimate friend, I won't be missed at the ceremony, so missing that and cocktails and getting definite approval because working critical hours for her job, not a big deal. She may not have even the slightest notion you find this upsetting, if common in her experience. I have only been invited to five weddings I can think of where more than half those at the reception were not invited to the ceremony at all. But couple and guests all thought it quite normal. And I attended 3 of army friends' weddings , two where couple belonged to small protestant denominations I had never heard of, primarily Southern and one pentecostal, one fundamentalist, where only people of the couple's own church denomination were invited to the ceremony. And a Latter Day Saints (Mormon) temple ceremony with no outsiders. So those an additional 3. Most of the guests only at the reception were fine, expected it. But to the small group of army friends and SO from different parts of the country and different religions, we thought it strange. So before you take offense, realize this may be something she has always thought of as one of the acceptable patterns for wedding attendance. I was reading a Miss Manners column this past week, and one thing she mentioned to someone questioning some invited to ceremony, some not, was that this was a very usual thing until the last few decades, when people started spending more and more on weddings. And said, now it is 😊 far less common but still accepted. Where I come from, rural N New England, not only will church members attend if there are seats after invited guests are all seated, but any friend or acquaintance from nearby towns will drop in too. For the ceremony, but never to the reception. For that, only if invited. People legitimately have different expectations, and traditional etiquette says none are right or wrong, merely choices. So questioning her may baffle or upset her, as she means no slight to you.

Definitely overreacting especially for someone you dont seem to care about. Taking off work is a huge deal. But she is willing to do that to celebrate w you. Getting to the ceremony then ceremony then gap in between.. Its more than 2 hours. Id be appreciative she is making it at all

I personally feel like it’s nice she is coming to any part of the celebrations. Sometimes it is hard to get off from work and I agree with everyone here that said she may have had difficulty getting the time off. I am someone who doesn’t get PTO and have multiple times had to take a loss in pay bc of a wedding I had to attend. Depending on people’s financial situations, that can be tough. I personally would feel grateful she is coming to something of my wedding day.
At the end of the day, your day will be great and you won’t even think about her not attending the full day of events.

View Quoted Comment I had the same sentiment. I would be pretty hurt to be invited out of pitty. I don't think you should be offended when you committed the first offensive act. Even if she isn't aware of it.
Maybe it's the best she can trully do based on her work expectations and responsibilities.

I think you are overreacting as well. As long as my close family and friends are present at the ceremony, I won't care who else is there. FH dreads long ceremonies, 45 minutes is a long one, I could never get him to sit through that happily.

I think you are over reacting as PP have mentioned there can still be a work conflict for half v. full days. And honestly you will probably have other people that do the same and you'll likely not even know.

We missed a wedding last year (we went out of state for) because we got lost plus traffic in an unknown area to us, my friend didn't even realize when I apologized!

View Quoted Comment It's hard to explain. It honestly would have been worse if I didn't invite her because our friend group is very large and other people would have commented on it. And she would have been more hurt not getting an invite because this friend group hangs out reallt really often. She already told me about her job and that sje technically could leave early if she wanted to but she's choosing not to.

View Quoted Comment Ah that's good to know! Thanks for the advice

View Quoted Comment Hmmm. I believe I said 45 minutes MAX, especially if people come early to wait. Our ceremony is probably going to be around 30 minutes, and I still don't think thats long in comparison to more traditional church ceremonies that last an hour. Especially if you think about how long the other part of the event is. Plus the venue is local; we chose it because of its convenience to the majority of our guest list. I guess I'm having a hard time understanding since sje did tell me that she'd have to take work off either way for our wedding, but chooses specifically not to come to our ceremony. That's weird to me.

View Quoted Comment But thank you for your insight! I appreciate it and it was helpful to try to understand why she might feel the way she does.

View Quoted Comment A pitty invite is a pitty invite, don't you think? I think I rather be hurt by not being invited than being invited out of pitty. Maybe that's just me. I'm not entirely sure why you're hurt about a person not attending the part where they have zero interaction with you. When you didn't even care if she came or not, or am I missunderstanding what a pitty invite is. Maybe she is just coming for food and booze. It happens. I assume you aren't very close to her since the invitation seems to be out of obligation anyhow. I'm not sure why it would bother you all that much.

View Quoted Comment Oh my goodness. That "surprise" would really frustrate me! Sorry you had to deal with that. And thank you for your advice. ♡ I'll be saving her a seat; I just wish she was a bit nicer and considerate when telling me, or at least say that she tried her darndest to take more of the day off. It was just too curt :/

View Quoted Comment Thanks for your input! I never thought about it that way.

View Quoted Comment I guess for me personally it depends on the couple. If it's a couple I care about a lot, 45 minutes will fly by. And vice versa. I guess the way her tone was when she talled to me about how she's only coming to the reception was the thing that bothered me the most. I'm generally pretty flexible about things, but she made it sound like it was a birthday party and not a wedding, and she knew very far in advance about the date and time because of our save the dates. It's not the end of the world if she can't make it to the ceremony, but she literally made it sound like she wouldn't come even if work allowed her to come. :/

View Quoted Comment Knowing my friend group (that she's a part of) it would have been exponentially worse not inviting her because it's so apparent who would have been left out on the guest list. It's not like I don't know her at ALL. I consider her a friend, but our guest list was pretty tight due to FH and me paying for our wedding ourselves. It was hard to sort out who to actually invite, and at the end of the day, it worked out this way. I would also be hurt if I found out I was invited out of pity, but to people in that friend group, they take more offense to not being included or invited alin the first place. And thanks, I'll let it go. There are definitely other more important things in the planning process haha.

If she’s not close, she may not feel comfortable attending the ceremony as it’s very personal. I would let it go!