Disappointed in bridesmaids

No one cares as much about your wedding as you do. People have lives outside of your planning. Being a bridesmaid does not and should not come with employee expectations.

If your friend is rarely in your neck of the woods, she very well may want to get some face to face time in with some people she hasn't physically seen in a while. That is well within the realm of normal.

What's not normal is you expecting them to jump when you say so just because you have bestowed the titles of bridesmaid and maid of honor on them as well as tried to buy their loyalty with custom jewelry.

I'm sorry, but if you need help with decorating ask around to family members and other friends (who are hopefully invited).

Didn't even read your whole post because your bridesmaids and MOH are not your employees. They're not expected to fulfill any duties or whatever crap you're assigning to them. These girls are your friends, stop making them work for you.

No one is as excited for YOUR wedding as YOU will be. Cut them some slack.

They seriously want the guys there for that??

how old are these girls??

Wait, which is it? Is it a matter of skipping the rehearsal or "MOH trying to leave and not help set up."

Because if she is in town and doesn't have another pressing commitment, then she should be at the rehearsal. But that means doing a quick walk through of who stands where, followed by a dinner honoring them for standing up with you. No decorating/setting up involved.

I agree with the fact that the men shouldn't be in the suite while you guys are all getting ready that morning. They can be away from them for a bit.

@ MMB, no, I wouldn't have an issue with that at all.

Perhaps I was/am misinterpreting it. The way I kept seeing folks write it w/ no context sounded weird at best.

That's strange that they want the guys in there as they get ready. Also, if they offer to help that's fine but you can't force them.

I am always an advocate for the idea that your bridal party doesn't have to do things like help with decorating/cleanup, etc although it's nice if they offer. After reading your updates, it sounds like they are upset about tasks that are usually expected of a wedding party (rehearsal, hair and makeup that you paid for, being with you morning of, etc). I can totally understand being frustrated about that, and I do feel if all of that is true that they are being unreasonable. Also, if they can't be separated from their SOs for half a day, that seems unhealthy. I completely understand your frustrations, but I'm not sure what you can do about how they are acting. I hope it gets better! Do your best to enjoy your day no matter what!

Post has been updated - I had a hard time getting everything across in that number of characters and it seems everyone is focused on thinking I'm upset about them not helping decorate. I PAID for my MOH's flight after she OFFERED to come help me get ready the day before and now she has asked to skip that to hang out with another friend.

Paige, if you need to edit your original post, you need to leave the first one up, because now all of our responses are out of context. You DID refer to jobs that needed to be done by the wedding party, and that you were mad that one of the members wanted to see a friend instead of decorate.

Yes again, I'm not mad about them not helping decorate other than my MOH who offered and so I agreed to pay for her flight, and now she is going back on her offer

Paige, that's why we advise not putting the wedding party into "working" positions. It leaves room for hurt feelings.

@op, people can walk down an aisle just fine without a rehearsal. If one of my girls said she couldnt make it to rehearsal I would say Ill miss you and lets make sure we touch base morning of to make sure you know who you are walking with and your music cue.

As for the hair and makeup, yes I would want them there but if they couldnt be there, I would probably be upset but I would get over it as its not a necessity, especially if they are doing their own hair and makeup and not using my stylists.

I was more or less referring to the fact that they want the guys there with them with to me is a hell no, and I completely agree that you should be frustrated with that.

Ugh, honestly this forum is kind of weird about bridal parties. Usually, your BP is full of your closest friends. And friends help, support, and root for friends. Is it mandatory? No. But in any situation, your friends are who you call for this stuff and it is expected for friends/family to help each other. Complaining about going to the rehearsal dinner and getting ready in the morning is so unfortunate. That really sucks for you, OP. I hope when the wedding weekend comes, they will be more excited and supportive.

Also, I don't think OP is complaining about her friend not helping her set up. I think she's disappointed her friend made a commitment to her, then broke it after OP paid for her plane ticket. Completely valid.

So why is this just NOW an issue? Did you not ask them previously if they would be available the morning of for make up and hair? Why didn't they say anything then?

Also I agree with PPs, they'll be just fine without rehearsing.

ETA: And to be completely honest, I feel like you telling them to help you decorate probably put a bad taste in their mouths, which could be the reason they're avoiding you and anything wedding related.

I'm so surprised so many people would be ok with the people who are closest to them just refusing to be there by their side because they can't have it "their way". I've prepaid for the rehearsal based on the people who said they would be there. I've prepaid for the hair and makeup based off of who said they would be there. I should just be ok with my BESTFRIENDS and sisters bailing because they want to go see someone else or can't leave the SO's the morning of the wedding?!? I guess I'm a rare breed then...

OK, so trying to get this straight:

1) You are paying for your party's hair and make-up the morning of, and they are refusing to get ready with your because they want their male SO's there.

2) You paid for your MOH's plane ticket so she could arrive a bit earlier than she normally would have with the understanding that she was going to spend the day before the wedding helping out. She is now bailing to go spend it with another friend.

3) You did have other "jobs" you wanted your bridal party to do (you haven't specified what those were) and they were upset with you about that.

4) They didn't plan you a bachelorette party, some other friends not in the wedding party did, and this bothered you.

#1 is BS, and I would be expressing to your party that this isn't a lot to ask, you're paying for their hair and make-up and you'd like some pictures of all of you getting ready. Throw in that it's uncomfortable for you to get ready in front of their partners.

#2 is also BS. If your MOH offered, she should be a decent person and follow through on her offer. I completely get being frustrated/hurt because she's gotten their on your dime and isn't doing what she said she would.

#3 - eh, not sure what these jobs are, but even if I can understand the bridal helping out with certain things, I wouldn't ask it of anyone.

#4 - yes, it is understandable to be disappointed that your party did not have interest in a bachelorette for you. But no one has to have one and they are often a money and time suck for people.

I understand why you're upset but what can you do about it now? It sucks that she went back on the offer but at least you know now.

Paige, we're still going off of your initial unedited post in which you sounded very different about the duties expected by you.

I would say no to guys getting ready in the bridal suite. Having said that, if people want to get ready elsewhere you really can't stop them from doing that. And yes, your BM has the right to visit another friend two days before your wedding.

What changed between when they said they would be there and now? Did they actually commit to being in these specific places at these specific times, or did you just assume that they would because they are in the wedding party?