Disappointed in bridesmaids

Another thing I want to note is that I have gone out of my way to have custom jewelry and gifts made for all of the girls, and have done all of the planning without them. One of my sisters has been so bitter about my whole wedding I'm not surprised her attitude has remained that way, but to give me a hard time about asking them to be there getting ready with me the morning of the wedding because I won't let their MEN so's be there?!? I can't believe it!

What all are you asking of them that they are giving you such a hard time about?

@brianna they are giving me a hard time about being there the morning of the wedding and not allowing their SO's to get ready in the bridal sweet with us along with my MOH trying to leave and not help set up to go hang out with someone else the day before my wedding after they have flown in specifically for the wedding

Not getting involved.

All they have to do is show up the day of with the right dress and be mostly sober for the ceremony.

They are not your employees.

You do have a right to be upset about their complaonts about the men in the bridal suite. That request jist seems a little crazy.

Unfortunately, it really isn't your bridal party's job to help decorate, even though I have to say I have never been in a wedding where I haven't helped decorate, and been glad to do so.

However, NO WAY IN HELL do their men need to be in the bridal suite getting ready with the bridal party. They can just get the hell over themselves and the men can find something else to do that day. WTF are they thinking? You are absolutely right on this part of your post. Just tell them that you do not feel comfortable having the men there, as you will be sitting around half naked or in lingerie, and there will be NO men, period, end of story. If they do not like it, they can get ready somewhere else. I know that is not what you want but, trust me, if they are going to cause drama over something like that, then you want them to get ready somewhere else and you can be as drama free as possible. Good Luck!!

eta: just saw your other post, and it does seem as if you are being a little unreasonable about the other stuff. Just because your MOH flew in specifically for your wedding does not mean she doesnt get to have a life outside of your wedding. She chose to be your MOH because she loves you obviously, now show her some love back by not trying to control what she does with HER free time.

None of this is their responsibility. If they have the time/money to throw a bachelorette, great. If not, that's fine too.

If you want people to set up your wedding you have to hire them.

I'm sure your MOH's time is precious, so she is trying to see everyone she can while she's in town. It is not your place to dictate how she spends her vacation days.

I hold the UO with this particular topic: I don't feel it's unreasonable as a part of the bridal party to help out with some wedding stuff prior to the event. I've always offered whatever I can do to help those I've been a bridesmaid or MOH for, and it's usually gratefully taken. Friends are presumably there to help one another out, and while I would never *demand* it as the bride, I think some support in tasks like helping set up or tear down is appreciated and understandable.

The popular opinion on this forum is that all your bridal party is obligated to do is show up with the attire you asked them to wear and be mostly sober for the ceremony. I find the "mostly sober" part to be utter BS...showing up to someone's wedding ceremony any kind of inebriated is absolutely not OK. But...you'll probably get a lot of that in response to your post.

I don't know what you're asking your bridal party to do, but keep in mind they may not have the ability to help due to just not having the time.

I would never *want* to get ready in the same space as a bunch of guys, so I think that's a bit silly on their part...but it sounds like there's not much you'll be able to do to convince them. Are you paying for MUA or their hair? Would you like photos of your group getting ready? Perhaps relay those things to them and mentioned how important that is to you. I think that's a reasonable request.

They shouldn't be setting up anyway. They are honored guests, not paid labor.

Is there a place nearby that the SOs can be? It makes perfect sense that they won't be in the *suite* with you as you change, but how long are you expecting them to be separated for?

I think it's fair for them to not want to decorate and really they shouldn't be decorating for your wedding. It's your wedding so it's up to you, your FS and a wedding coordinator to decorate the place, not your bridal party.

I think it's irritating that they're giving you a hard time about getting ready together though. It's very common for bridal party to get ready together without any boyfriends or husbands. Idk what you can really do but I get your frustration with that.

@FutureMrsK you wouldn't expect your bridal party to arrive before he ceremony to have their hair and makeup done, and to be there for the rehearsal? Those are the events that they are complaining about which to me just seems like it goes along with being part of a wedding party... everything is being paid for and given to them. Is it unreasonable for me to expect them to be there the morning of?!?

Oh lord. None of that shit is their responsibility.

You are not entitled to a bach party. And if you need help decorating, hire someone.

ETA: Abbie, so they have to show up to the ceremony completely sober? We drank mimosas while getting ready before the ceremony. How is that a problem?

...and people wonder why they get a response of, "let me think about it" when asked to be in the wedding party.

I'm not having a Bach. party.. I'm living.... (while they are fun, do you need an excuse to get drunk and party?) It really is not mandatory...

You get one day. So them wanting to utilize there weekend to see friends and family is up to them. You shouldn't expect to decorate either they aren't hired workers. Getting ready thing I do agree with you

Abbie, and this is why your opinion is unpopular. OP, they bridal party is not required to work at your wedding. The roles are meant to honour them, not provide them with a list of tasks. You are alienating your loved ones.

None of your bridal party should have to help set up, that's why we went with a venue that did all the set up and tear down for us. Also it sucks they couldn't be more involved in wanting to throw you a bachelorette party but no one absolutely needs one. I do agree that it would be nice for them all to get ready with you and you absolutely do not need their SOs in there! But if they can't handle that, then let them get ready on their own and meet you at the church/venue.

Your wedding doesn't matter to anyone as much as it matters to you. The ONLY thing that you have a right to be irritated over is them asking for their SOs to get ready with the bridal party.

I'm new to using this form so don't know if there is a way to add this to the top of the post but let me clarify: the things my bridesmaids are complaining about are coming to the rehearsal the night before and being there to get ready with my the morning of. I paid for my MOH to fly in early because she offered to help, and now wants to use the time to go see someone else. I am paying for EVEYTHING to be done for them - hair, makeup, dinner, etc but they don't want to have to come the morning of because the men aren't invited to get ready with us!

I understand being upset, but they're not slaves, yes they're coming home for your wedding, but you can't expect every second of their time home to be spent doing things for your wedding. This is why it's super helpful to often hire people to decorate for you. One of my BM is flying in from across the country, I already assume she'll be making plans with others while in town.

The rest of your concerns I think are valid- WHY would you include guys in your suite?! They're being ridiculous about that.