Dad’s wife was his mistress and mom doesn’t want her at my wedding

View Quoted Comment Please do not transfer your personal feelings onto the OP because you cannot manipulate your family into disinviting your ex's partner. OP's situation is her own and she writes her mother has to deal with her feelings on her own.

Peace out….

I agree with the people saying you can't take Dad's money while disrespecting his (now long-term) relationship. You need to find ways to help Mom deal with herself for one day. Does Mom have a significant other or +1 who would cone with her? You may need to have a talk with that person, or your siblings if you have them, in private and ask them to keep an eye on her emotionally on the big day. At the reception, put them at tables on opposite sides of the room, as far from each other as possible. Don't make them be in photos together. Also talk to them about walking you down the aisle, if you want that -- don't have stepmom walk you. There are divorced couples who still walk their daughter together.

View Quoted Comment

Who are you talking too?

View Quoted Comment All of you are destined to crappy marriages if you think this is in any way normal to not only accept infidelity but also welcome it.

View Quoted Comment

GoldenJoy24…I’m am so with you on this chat…Walk a mile in our shoes….

I hope Sarah has the understanding of a controlling Father. Money does NOT BUY LOVE

I think that no one in this life is perfect. While I’d kick a romantic partner to the curb for cheating, I would never expect everyone in my life to give him the cut direct and I wouldn’t cut someone out of my life because they cheated on another person, even though it would affect my opinion of them. Someone else’s romantic relationship is none of my business, even my parents, and I’m not cutting my dad out of my life for making a mistake.

Well I did with my dad. And my ex. My Dad treated my Mother horrible, cheating, verbal abuse and I married the same kid. Horrible, Horrible. Horrible. My life will never be the same or trust ANYONE. Been there done that.

View Quoted Comment That’s your decision. It’s not everyone’s, and it isn’t saying that cheating is fine. OP doesn’t want to end her relationship with her dad, and that’s her call. If she does want a relationship with him, that means she has to show basic civility to his partner. Which means inviting her. Mom can either accept that OP will have a relationship with her dad or not, but she doesn’t get to make demands on it. She has to be an adult and accept that other people make their own decisions.

View Quoted Comment

OK well I'm sorry for your experience, but you can't apply what you would do to someone else in a different situation. I don't think anyone's condoning adultery.

View Quoted Comment Actually, Yes…Sarah said her Mom won’t go to her wedding and also her Grandmother & Aunts won’t go either. Soooooo her Dad mistress will be there just because of the Dads money. So it’s really pretty bad if the Dad is holding money over her head because he said he’s paying. Sounds like the Dad has the issues, not the Mom.

View Quoted Comment

You are obviously speaking from a position of bias and deep hurt considering your history. Unfortunately, that means your advice is not objective or without prejudice.

View Quoted Comment

Yes, you’re correct, but where is your information coming from? Obviously you’re speaking from no one you know that has the position that Sarah is in. I do. And I’m just giving her MY opinion about her Dads’s mistress being there. That is where this started from. I thought a woman & woman are together, but with you your jury is still out. Woman should stick with woman, including her Dad’s Mistress (yes, Dads mistress, not wife. They are both not recognized in the church or synagogue as being married, just on paper) And Sarah’s Mom, Grandmother & Aunts won’t be there if the mistress goes) But apparently you agree with that too. Her Father can’t buy her Love & Happiness. If the Father doesn’t agree about his mistress staying home, then he is choosing his mistress and not his own daughter and the feeling of his ex wife and her family. I can go all day….But for now, I’m done. Said my “opinion” and Sarah is the one to decide NOT us! Best of Luck Sarah & Fiancé. Many years of Love & Happiness. Only wishing you the Best.

View Quoted Comment

This is an etiquette board not personal preference. Wedding etiquette would guide hosts to include spouses of their guests.

Yup, I know…………This is from THE KNOT!

You can’t be serious. These situations are not even slightly related. First, and once again, this is a wife, not a “new” girlfriend. Second, it’s been seven, count them with me, years. At some point the mother needs to deal with reality at events of this kind just like millions of women before her.


Lastly, The Knot is not a reputable source of etiquette, though I don’t disagree that a new girlfriend who was the reason for the break up need not be invited. But that is not even close to the situation here.

Here you go.

I don’t even know what to say to this. You need more reputable sources and better evidence than an article that bears no resemblance to OP’s situation at all. I’m done debating with you except to say having strong feelings due to personal experience doesn’t justify what you’re saying.

Honestly, you're the one that seems angry, which I get, but it might be a good idea to seek some help with that, just for your own peace. I'm not sure why you're so determined to prove your righteousness in this situation that is unique and not similar at all to the example that you posted.

You're making broad statements about the church/synagogue not recognizing sinners and not recognizing the marriage. In many faiths you're misstating this entirely. Perhaps this is true of your own church, but not for everyone.

To restate what LM said, this is an etiquette board, and the answers that you will receive will have that focus.