Dad’s wife was his mistress and mom doesn’t want her at my wedding

If you mom can’t put her feelings to the side for your special day and not make it about her, than she will have to sit this out it’s been 7 long years this day is about you and your fiance!!!

Your mom needs to learn how to act like an adult for the 5 hours of your wedding. This isn't about her. If you can delicately let her know how much it is hurting you that she is making this stance, maybe she will understand.

IT'S YOUR DAY so if your Mom isn't happy with who YOU invite then maybe Mom is being a MOMZILLA and and wants it to go the way she would have wanted hers a long time ago. I second telling Mom that you are inviting Dad and the new wife and want MOM to be on her best behavior that day. I do understand that the way their split was a very bad situation but it's been years so she needs to get on with her life. I also agree that you need to let your Mom know EXACTLY how you feel about her making such a big stink about your guests.

I agree , went through similar situation unfortunately for you as well !
Your Mother has been there your WHOLE LIFE , she carried you , lived you and made you the Woman you are ! Not the Mistress, … she went in knowing she was hurting and Devastating lives , and here you are , there would be no problem or drama from her if she truely cared and Loved your dad as she claims .. she automatically would step down and let him and His DAUGHTER and His other Children have a Celebration on a wonderful occasion… she’s making it about her …
ITS NOT ABOUT THEM !!!! It’s about you and your future Marriage! They had their shot !!!TRUST these words!!She only wants to go to rub it in your Mothers face and certain family members , so the DAY will NOT BE ABOUT YOU … the attention will DEFINITELY BE ON HER , and that’s what she want !! Trust that !!! She is never going to be your friend ! It’s a fasade!! Sorry ! Do t let someone RUIN one of the most important days of your life !! Wishing you well ! Really Be STRONG AND HAVE COURAGE ! you”ll be glad you did ! FYI , they didn’t stay married , so it was for nothing!!And she is in the photos! UGGGGGG!

It’s rough for your mom, I get that. I would absolutely feel the same way. But at the same time it is rude to not only not allow a guests spouse, but to not allow the wife of the person paying for and throwing your wedding to attend. If your mother loves you and wants to be there for your special day she will, otherwise she can take on the financial burden herself and pay for your wedding if she wants to dictate what the person throwing it can or cannot do. Good luck!

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. And if the "wife" was a good person she wouldn't force her way into a wedding where probably 99% of people don't want her there.

Mom and Dad needs to put their feelings aside, you're more important then his mistress/wife.

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There are times in life you have to suck it up, and be an adult and this is one of them. I've been to many weddings where the parents of the couple are divorced and remarried, due to similar circumstances. Other than sitting on opposite ends of the room nobody ever made it about themselves. It's one day and it's about the couple, not their parents' drama.

I understand where they are coming from however, if your family can’t put their differences aside for the wedding of their daughter then the person causing the issue should not go. Invite them both make it very clear that both parties are invited and that you expect them to behave as adults for YOUR special day. It’s not about them it’s about you and your partner. They are adding stress that shouldn’t be there.

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It's quite selfish and manipulative to volunteer to pay for a wedding with strings attached. Marriage doesn't validate infidelity.

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The only one making the threats here is OP's mom. No one has to approve of their history, or even like the new wife for that matter, but the reality is they are a married couple. The only "strings attached" by the father is a reasonable expectation that his spouse be there, especially considering they are paying for the wedding. Even if OP was paying for the wedding, she'd be a fool to exclude her step-mother if she wanted any kind of relationship moving forward. Like it or not, they are a package deal.

All that is required here is civility, ie for the mother not to throw a tantrum on OP's wedding day, nothing more. She won't shrivel up or "have her value taken" or whatever other nonsense OP's family is currently spewing, at the very sight of this woman. If she thinks she will, maybe she needs counseling and or medication.

As I said, there are times in life you have to be in the same room with someone you don't like or worse. That's part of being a mature adult. The best revenge is indifference, to act as if she no longer cares. Then let the new wife be the one to worry about what happens when you are married to a man who cheats on his wife.

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Everyone is really quick to comment on how terrible the "mistress" is but the dad was the one who was married... it's up to him to be faithful to his wife. On a website full of women, you'd think there would be a little less misogynistic messaging and woman blaming.

View Quoted Comment I think it’s more that they have history and a bond to the father, despite his behavior, but not to her. The fact that he’s paying for the wedding may have something to do with it, too.

View Quoted Comment That’s right.

View Quoted Comment I don’t think she is forcing herself. It’s more so my dad who doesn’t see it fit for his wife not to be present when he had no issues with my mom and her family to be there.

View Quoted Comment I agree 100% with this logic and explained to my mom that she is the one who should be worried about facing her and that she should be indifferent. She has refused to come to the wedding and said my grandma and her sisters also will not be there. My siblings will but will act hostile towards her. Mom also said that if we tell her that she isn’t there and that she finds her there she will leave the wedding. Basically, I am the only one who is okay with being in the same room as her and it seems like I have to accept that my mom won’t be present at my wedding which is incredibly painful. I have to accept that we won’t share memories of the wedding day nor the getting ready and planning which any mom should be happy about. It makes me so sad. I know at this point there is nothing left but acceptance and grief.

View Quoted Comment I’m very sorry your mother would consider letting it come to that. It’s not right and very unfair to you. She clearly has issues.

GIRL I have the same exact issue. #YoureNotAlone

View Quoted Comment Sending you much love. It is not easy.

Sorry that it came down to mom not respecting decisions made, but that is something she has to navigate on her own. Is she going to therapy to work out whatever hurt and anger she has towards dad, the new wife, and you for not hating the new wife with her? There will be more situations where they may have to interact in some way.