Dad’s wife was his mistress and mom doesn’t want her at my wedding

I've never been part of a divorced family, so this is just my personal opinion. I have two options.


They both hate each other. Tell them that they can come to the wedding, but they don't need to start drama or talk to each other. If they do, you will never forgive them. This is THE most important day of your life. If they ruin it, well...
Don't let either one come to the wedding. Problem solved.

View Quoted Comment Love your response!!!!! Wow.

View Quoted Comment Sometimes it’s the attitude you have to take. You can’t please everyone and will drive yourself crazy trying to. Once you find the decision you’re at peace with, hold your head high and move on.

View Quoted Comment Oh, my goodness. One of the wisest choice of words I've ever heard.

Pretty good advice here. Now how I'd apply... I would write out what I want to say at least in bullet point form so I don't forget something important and still make it heartfelt to mom. While I understand the bitterness, 7 years is a bit wild. Wishing you all the best!

View Quoted Comment Hi. All I can is this. At the end of the day you are entering into your own marriage. Unfortunately, some parents have control issues. Yes your mom is hurt, and her feelings are valid, but she has to learn to cope in a positive way. Not try to threaten you into compliance. What happened between your mom and your dad is not your fault or your problem. They both made decisions that led them where they are. Instead focus on your marriage and building a strong lasting relationship. Inviting your step-mother is showing respect for your father, not condoning his pervious behavior. If the shoe was on the other foot your mom would definitely want her current husband to be invited. Stay strong with what you feel is right. Just know that one day your mom is going to realize she made the wrong choice, and she will have to live with that. Not you. Congratulations on your marriage.

Congrats on your nuptials.


The right thing to do would be to forgive and move forward. Mom has to come to terms with it. Hopefully her love for being your mother will outweigh her grief or any self centered thoughts and she will show up for you and give all her energy and attention to you on your day. It’s not customary to honor our parents as much as it is on other cultures. You could take the time to do that. So your mother knows she is valued and irreplaceable. The new wife doesn’t have to be in the parent of the couple photos or have her chair decorated for the ceremony.

View Quoted Comment Well if you do cheat with a married man, you're the stupid one so yes...

View Quoted Comment Not really. Always a mistress. Getting married doesn't make her real family.

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Out of curiosity, what would you have the OP do? What's your advice to her?

View Quoted Comment I already gave my advice. Not to invite her. If her father is truly paying with good intentions, he should respect not including people on the guest list that the bride may not want to include. Otherwise, it's manipulative to pay for the event.

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Ok but do you think that's realistic? Just wondering. It would seem unrealistic to expect to have him pay for the event but exclude his spouse. So where does that leave the OP? I'm not sure that just because you think he should means that he will still pay. Anyway, food for thought.

View Quoted Comment Actually by law it does. Whether you treat her as such is your choice. They only way this family heals is moving forward. Either way you look at it this is not the fault or problem of the bride to solve. Her day should not be tied to her parents issues.

View Quoted Comment Not really. Again, I don't consider cheaters or those who assist in cheaters family. The law is irrelevant. They wouldn't be at my wedding.

View Quoted Comment Well again your choice. I hope she makes a wise choice that is best for her. No one else.

View Quoted Comment That's why it's the Internet.....

View Quoted Comment I don't understand your comment?

View Quoted Comment I agree 1 million percent

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GoldenJoy 24, We have the same values and outlook…Some of these people have no clue in a woman’s feeling ESPECIALLY HER REAL MOM AND NOT HER STEPMOM.

View Quoted Comment Yes, Always leftovers and should be treated like one and NOT be your Father’s plus ones Sarah, Think of this, Your Father BROKE his vows to his own wedding. Do you really think that is right? And now you’re getting married, do you think he’s right by also “Controlling” you, by paying for your wedding? That my friend us a Narcissist. He’ll always thinks he’s right. Look it up. A narcissist is someone who can do no wrong and tell people that it’s you not them is the problem. So Sarah he’s doing that to you. He’s turning everything around and trying to say it’s right to bring his “now so called wife” She is not his wife, maybe on paper, but not in the church. They are Adulteress who they Frowned upon in the Church. Bottom line is your Mom, Father, Grandmother & Aunts (On Moms side) should be there! NOT THE MISTRESS. Think about it. Do a pro & con list. If your father gets his way there will be A LOT OF CONS!!! Trust me, Think about your Mom and see if your fiancé can help you talk to your father about your fathers mistress not going. And everyone is saying “It’s your wedding” So what do you really want to happen. I believe your poor Mom will be crushed and another devastating moment in her life if she’s not there and the mistress is. Do really want your Mom not being there? I VOTE THAT THE MISTRESS DOES NOT GO. PERIOD. Once a cheat, always a cheat. And was the Mistress married too at the time? If so it’s a HARD NO SHE DOES NOT GO. And also remember 2 wrongs (Dad & Mistress) don’t make a right!!!