Dad’s wife was his mistress and mom doesn’t want her at my wedding

View Quoted Comment I’m so sorry it came to that. Just remember that it is HER creating the issue, not you. If anyone brings it up, just say it’s a shame your mother chose not to come to her daughter’s wedding.

View Quoted Comment Thank you Andrea. Yes, I’ll have to do that and detach myself from those emotions.

I can understand how this may be upsetting to you. At the end of the day, I would express your sincere wants of the importance of having both your mom and your dad at the wedding. Sometimes hurt does linger for years; however, for this one day, you can ask her to put her hurt aside and be the best mother she can be at one of the most important times of your life. A lady needs her mother by her side on days like this, and it should be full of life, love, and energy. This is not the day to throw a pity party to try to make you feel bad. Is she able to contribute to the wedding? If not there then, it seem like you will have to stand your ground and let her know that you want her there, and that you dont want to remember your wedding as her not being there over something that you cannot/could not control. Does she want to loose you too? Geesh!

What a happy time for you and your fiance! Congratulations 🎊 Plannjng for mixed groups who may have bad blood is difficult.... for them. You get to choose who you invite & who you take calls from. Protect yourself, have healthy boundaries, invite eveyone you love & let the cards fall where they will. Mom's feelings are hers to process. You get to play the roll of wedding planner, not marriage and family therapist. Invite everyone on your list and stay focused on yourself & the future with your soon to be husband.

View Quoted Comment Hi Tan, thank you for your response! I did tell her all of this. The way she sees it she is not the one at fault or who is responsible for her absence. Because I should have either forced my dad not to bring her or said no to him organizing this wedding for me and wait until I can afford it myself…

View Quoted Comment Thanks Amber!

View Quoted Comment Wow. I hate that your mom’s narcissistic ways are causing you to battle between one of the most important days of your life.


I pray it all works out for you beautiful. You deserve this and you are blessed to have a dad that is taking his resources to bless you with the best wedding ever. I can’t wait to see your pictures. It’s all about you and him. I know it will be beautiful. 😍

Look. I get a lot of hate from family, and friends about who doesn’t like who….if they’re a problem do t invite them. EVERYONE LOOOOVES to kill the joy in a wedding an there’s always those 1-2 who start toxic drama. cut her loose and let her cry about it later. If she loved you she’d get over it and her ex husband. no offense you your mother but selfish selfish selfish. and cmon your dad is paying for the entire thing. have some respect…their issue is NOT yours.

There’s also the possibility that these are bully tactics and that she’s bluffing, but I wouldn’t count on it.

View Quoted Comment Mom’s choices are her own. She can get over it or die mad. I hope you have a wonderful wedding! ❤️

Does this apply to you, Sarah?

Your dad doesn’t have a mistress she is his wife now. She deserves to be invited out of respect for your father especially since he is paying for the wedding. Straight up tell your mom this is the decision. I seriously doubt she will go through with her threat of not showing up but if she doesn’t then she’s putting herself before you and it’s your wedding and dad and wife should be there. Honestly your mom needs to get over it and grow up

I also think your mom has to work through it. It’s YOUR wedding not your moms. During this time she should be supportive of all things you want to do. I would definitely sit them far farrrrr away from eachother though… lol. This is a tricky situation.


I would explain to her that it’s very hard to put you in the middle especially during this time. Tell her you understand the position she is in but he is paying for the wedding. Even if you as the bride didn’t want your step mom to be there she is going to be there regardless since your dad is paying for the wedding. Hope this helps

View Quoted Comment

I agree with what everyone said here OP, but this comment does concern me.

Your father ruined his marriage and multiple lives and then married his mistress. Of course he has not issues with your mom being there, he was the creator of the trauma! Mom didnt do anything to him, he created this mess. And the fact that he is the wallet holder, he is spot on, he can invite who he wants and that's the tough part. I've seen men use their finances to get the upper hand.

I understand how hurt mom is. He controls the entire situation. But mom needs to grow up. She should protect her own peace and stop with the threats and just not come. Or show your dad and his mistress wife that they aren't stopping anything around him. I hope mom can move past this, even if just for the day. I feel for her, but etiquette is etiquette.

View Quoted Comment You really can invite anyone to your wedding you want to, ettiquette or not. If my father cheated and married his mistress, I would have no problem not inviting the wife. His problem for cheating, not mine. You all are delusional to think you HAVE to invite people because of some made up rules. Was cheating proper ettiquette?

I did not see it mentioned before. Your mother is angry at the wrong person. Her anger should properly go toward the husband who had cheated. The exception would be if the other woman really had acted solely to get him to cheat.

View Quoted Comment You can if you are hosting and paying for your own wedding. The crucial factor here is that the father is paying for the entire wedding, HE is the host not the couple. He has the final say here on his spouse being there, unless they pay for the wedding themselves.


None of us disagree that the spouse should not be there. But it is truly delusional to think you can tell someone who is funding an entire event that their spouse is not invited to said event. The bride has no power here other than begging her dad to do the right thing.
And spoiler alert: He’s a cheater so he’s not going to do the right thing. Wife WILL be there. Mom has to take this on the chin.

View Quoted Comment Precisely why I'm paying for my own wedding. Please get common sense

View Quoted Comment How do I lack common sense? You literally just agreed with what I said…

This is one person’s opinion on the Knot, which is more known for pushing the views of the wedding industry than any legitimate etiquette knowledge. That said, I would agree if this had just happened and or the relationship with the new woman was new. What it does not refer to is a long term partner.


Again, at some point you are going to have to suck it up, at future kid birthday parties and special occasions. This woman is not only no longer a mistress, she’s a SO, whom your future daughter in in law apparently knows well enough to want at your son’s wedding and her own shower. Considering you are already divorced from your ex my assumption is they’ve been together for some time by now.
No one said it will necessarily be fun to see her, but the very best to deal with it is with maturity and class.