Covenant vs. Contract - Cheating: How would you react?

He said depending on the WHY of the action, the couple can make an informed decision as to if they can work it out or cannot reconcile. But that action can only happen if you look at the marriage in the correct light.

What would YOU do if your spouse cheated on you after you wed? Would you take it one day at a time and see what happens? Or would you get the divorce attorney before you call and tell your mom (j/k)?

Note: This is NOT including a Tiger type situation, that is just gross.

I like that "making plans to deal with EVERYTHING.. come what may".. I don't know what I would do if my spouse cheats... but I do know I want to be with him forever... as we say to each other all the time "til death do us part" ... I always joke that I would just kill him...haha... but your pastor is right... I'm so not for divorce...and FH isn't either

It's easy to say I would be gone...but it depends on why it happened (and who it happened with). I won't say I wouldn't leave. But I'd make sure my ducks were in a row (nah mean?) in case I choose to leave.

Wow that's a very good question. Hmm I think my impulse would be to leave him, but I think we would sit down and talk about why he did that, and if he is willing to get help, and see if our marriage could sustain such a blow.

I mean "I won't say I would or wouldn't leave"...

I honestly couldn't tell you That's one of them, have to be in that situation. I can say I would go stay with a friend for a while because he would disgust me. But I MAY be able to go back to him after counseling or A LOT of sucking up and apoligizing.

I beleive that no one really knows what they would do if the person they loved cheated until it happens. I always told him I'd cut it off. LoL But, in reality it would kill me. I think there is a reason someone cheats. Once that is brought to light then you can deal with it or not. I would want to try again, however, trust is very hard to earn back. I would torment him to no end, if he could survive that then time may heal.

I hate cheating of any kind. I have witnessed what it does to someone too many times (my mother). I want to say that I would end it straight out, but I've actually been talking to my sister about it. One case of cheating, I think I could forgive. But an affair or multiple cases of cheating are absolute deal breakers.

To be honest we had some rough times earlier this year... although we are not married yet we basically are we have lived together for 3 years! I never thought I'd be THAT woman who stays and seeks counseling, but we did and we are stronger now than we were for the past 4 years prior to this... your priests seems right on

We look at marriage as a covenant. Divorce is not an option during fights, it is never to be brought up. However, I also believe that once someone cheats the vow is broken. I would work on the why, decide if it can be fixed and that we both are willing to make it work, and then after a while, renew the vows. If one party is not willing to fix it however, the lawyer will be called, the papers filed and everyone will know why. I however, don't anticipate this happening and don't think about it. Only when we discussed it with our pastor during marriage class.

I agree with Brian completely.

I agree with Patti. I can't imagine ever recovering from something like that, but I may surprise myself, especially with kids etc in the picture. Lets hope no one has to deal with this decision!

And yeah-the Tiger situation would break our marriage so darn fast. That was just gross. That is a complete lack of respect for your spouse. I wouldn't even attempt to reconcile and I am happy she made the same decision after a while!

I agree with your priest. As long as BOTH parties (esp. the cheater) are willing to re-commit to the marriage 110%, get counseling (individual and couples) and really work on it, it's possible to come out stronger.

Sometimes it isn't going to work out, but in most cases, the couple should try.

Yeah, I'm one of the people who like to say that I'm gone. But in truth I would want to work it out. I've been with this man for 5 years already! When you add that plus any time going forward and children... I really don't know if I could toss it away like that.

He did state that there is a difference between someone doing something stupid in the spur of the moment vs someone having multiple or extended affairs. That makes a big difference, too.

He also said that a couple who divorce over infidelity and don’t get counseling regarding that issue have a statistically higher chance of another divorce in comparison to a couple who tried to work it out, couldn’t work it out (with counseling) and then divorced. Of course the preferred thing is to work it out, lol!

It's so hard.. I've never been in the position..so I can't say what I would do... but I won't want to leave my man....I do know that I would be very mad at him for doing this to us... because cheating hurts... I mean it hurts when you even think FH did something that jolts your trust... living with that hurt would be so hard... I am not sure how much counseling helps.. but I would be willing to try it...marriage is a forever thing for us

I do not believe in divorce. So, I would go day by day and try to work things out. But, I have told my FH, if he would ever cheat I would leave him, prior to us getting married. We have been together almost 4 years and the only time that he cheated on me was the first week we started dating and it was just one night. We worked things out and everything, but like I told him it was easier for me to forgive him then because we didnt love each other at the point of time.

Off subject, After we were dating afew months.. his friend offered him cocaine, and he accepted. About afew days later, he told me that his friend offered him that and it completely broke my heart and it took quite a bit for me to forgive him and it took quite a bit for me to believe that he would never touch the stuff again. We worked things out and 8-9 months later we got engaged, that was in 2007.

I agree with Sherri, in that if a spouse cheats, the vow is broken. FH and I have discussed this a few times. Neither of us like divorce at all both of our parents have been divorced at least once. Now I unfortunately have been cheated on by an ex and it was devastating, I couldn't imagine being with someone if they cheated. I have also been in a physically abused relationship, and I can't handle that either. So for both of us we have an understanding that marriage is forever, but if cheating is involved and the spouse who was cheated on wants to split. It ends. Also if physical abuse comes in to play. It's over. Now my FH is the sweetest man in the world and I could never imagine him doing any of these things, so neither one of us really worries about it. It's just an understanding we have.

I think each situation is completely different and it's impossible to imagine what-ifs. If my spouse cheated it would be the worst betrayal but the situation and circumstances surrounding it would ultimately determine the next steps taken. As wrong and hurtful as it is, usually there are underlying issues that make a person stoop to that level. Ending a lengthy marriage over a problem that has most likely stemmed from another smaller problem might not always be the best decision for anyone. Sometimes counseling, time, and conversations about the real issues can go a long way.

Trust is huge to me and with trust being broken there isn't a real way to fix it except proving yourself in time. Having said all of that--- divorce might be the best way to handle some situations, such as a spouse who continually does it or just doesn't care to solve the issues.

I feel that the real issue isn't the cheating, its how you deal with the cheating. Well, that's not quite worded right cause cheating is the issue, but you know what I mean, lol.

But how you deal with it is a major part, too. I know plenty of women who have dated douchbags in the past - and now all their new guys get painted with the douchbag's paintbrush. Causes them nothing but greif cause they keep expecting the new guy to act like the old guy

"bag lady, you gon miss your bus. You can't hurry up, cause you got too much stuff...One day, all them bags gon get in your way - so - pack light" Erykah Badu